How God Chooses by: Emma Bombeck

I stumbled upon this and it got me teary eyed...
(Copied from lpsi.org site)

Most women become mothers by accident,
some by choice, a few by social pressures and
a couple by habit.This year, nearly 100,000 women
will become mothers of handicapped children.

Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped
children are chosen?What can you do to help your c
child improve his or her behavior?

Follow three basic child rearing rules and
avoid four possible errors.Somehow I visualize
God hovering over earth selecting His instruments
for propagation with great care and deliberation.

As He observes. He instructs his angels to make notes
in a giant ledger."Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint,
Matthew."Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint,
Cecilia."Rudledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint" give her
Gerard. He is used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles,
"Give her a handicapped child."The angel is curious,
"Why this one, God? She's so happy.""Exactly." smiles God.
"Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does
not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel."I don't want her to
have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of
self-pity and despair, once the shock and resentment
wears off, she'll handle it."I watched her today.

She has that feeling of self and independence that is
so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child
I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make
it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you.
"God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that.

This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.
"The angel gasps, "Selfishness is that a virtue?
"God nods."If she can't separate herself from the
child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a
woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.

When her child says "Mumma" for the first time she
will be present at a miracle and know it. When she
describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she
will see it as few people ever see my creations."
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see
ignorance, cruelty, prejudice and allow her to rise
above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her
side every minute of every day of her life because
she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my
side.""And what about her patron saint?" asks the
angel, his pen poised in mid-air.God smiles.

"A mirror will suffice

The Fab 5

I was so happy to be able to see them
ay grabe they were so worth the wait.
Sobrang saya nila and I so love their
sense of humor.The best talaga!!

Fab 5 is coming tomorrow and I can't wait..
Im such a fan talaga.. My camera has been
charged and im all set and ready to go..

Had a HUGE,HUGE argument with my mom today.
She was talking to me di lang ako sumagot she
started screaming at me. It was so demeaning..
I feel so bad... I dont think she knows the effect
she has on me when she starts screaming like
that and talking like that to me. It makes me
feel so low, unworthy and so belittled. Im sure
she feels like she can't wait til I leave. Well this
are one of those moments that make me feel
like I do too.

Caught in the Middle by Leira Pagaspas

Caught in the middle
Of a woe that is not done by my own doing
Wanting to please my family and the love of my life.

As a third person in the story
I wish I could control it
Finish it to help them
Fix it to help him


Is time and distance my friend or foe?
Always thinking about what I can do.
To please them and help them.
To help him get out of this sticky bind.


Caught in the middle of a woe that is not
done by my own doing.
I just want this to be over and done with.
So that we all could live happily together.
In the land that is supposed to be the land
of ever afters.

Driving..

I know I'm moving and I'm supposed to learn how to
drive pero part of me doesn't want to. My parents
and my husband flatly said No out loud when I said
that I wanted to learn how to drive.

I have 7 weeks to go a lot of things can happen.

Derby

Derby( yes her real name is really Derby parang
Derby na cockfight and Derby na Kentucky Derby)
is my long lost 1st cousin.. I haven't seen her
in 18 years. Ay grabe nung dumating sya di ako
makapaniwala na sya na yun. I last saw her
when she was 3 years old and now 21 na sya..
I really never thought that I would see her
again and yet I was lucky to be able
to spend some with her.

Its Here..

Sa wakas nakakuha na kami ng visa ni Joshwa.
I'm looking forward to starting this new
phase in our lives.. Sa wakas makakasama
na namin si Philbert.

Ang masasabi ko lang ay Thank You Lord!!!
God is Good All The Time!

Joshwa's Other Latest Photo

Joshwa's Latest Photo

Grabe na talaga ang panahon
ngayon. I went out to eat
yesterday at sa halagang
PhP 120 eto na lang nabili ko.
Di na katulad dati dami ka
nang mabibili sa PhP100

I WANT to see Andrea again

I REMEMBER our last family vacation
http://community.webshots.com/album/550940725KoRNmy

I FOUND out that I give myself was little credit..

I HEAR Joshwa excitedly talking

I REGRET not fighting for Andrea but at that time it was out of my hands.

I PRAY that Joshwa & I will be given a US Visa.

I ALWAYS make it a point to call Joshwa's teachers and ask about his
improvements

I WIN whenever I fight with Philbert kasi maski na he says no. I can make him
say yes eventually.

I LOSE track of time when I scrapbook

I NEED to fix everything that I need to do before I leave

I PLAY with my papers and tools whenever I scrapbook.

I LOOK forward to seeing my husband and sisters really soon.

Adopted?

Recently nagtataka ako bakit nagtatanong mga tao
kung adopted si Joshwa.

Syempre hindi.. anak ko talaga sya di ako defensive
naiirita lang. Bakit ganun they just look at me and
say to themselves you can't be the mom as if
I dont deserve to be his mom.

Kasi why do they have to keep asking
kung adopted si Joshwa di ba namin deserve
magkaron ng guapong anak?

Di ko na lang pinansin pero the last straw was
nung may nagtanong narinig ni Joshwa. Kaya pala
lately parang di nya ako sinusunod.

Then yaya mentioned it to me last Sunday na
people have been asking her kung adopted
si Joshwa nang andun si Joshwa sa harap
nila "thinking" na di sila naiintindihan ni Joshwa.

So I sat down with Joshwa to tell him that
he's not adopted and that Daddy and I love him so much.
Naiyak si Joshwa and I felt him lean against him
parang in his own way he was hugging me.

I felt really bad and i just kept telling him that
I love him.

Sa wakas natapos na ako sa Professional Regulatory
Commission. Hayy grabe nakakapagod 2 days na wala
akong ginawa kungdi magtatakbo from one place to
another. Walang sistema dun as in walang nakalagay
kung ano dapat mo gawin. Bahala ka na dumiskarte.
Tapos ang mga staff dun ang susungit sa dami nang
staff dun mga limang staff lang yung nakilala ko
dun na mabait at willing tumulong. Yung iba ang
yayabang akala mo kung sino.

Masaya ako na natapos ko na sya siguro leksyon
na din sa akin ito na kung may gagawin dapat
gawin ko ng maaga.

I AM so tired.. I went to school to get my Transcript na
di ko rin nakuha kasi kailangan nila ang marriage contract ko..

I HAVE to go back to school again tomorrow and have
to go to PRC next week..

I WISH that Joshwa and I could go to the US
to be with Philbert before my birthday

I HATE it that i have to do all this paperwork
for my board exam nang last minute.

I MISS Philbert so much and Andrea I think about her all
the time

I FEAR that if we don't leave soon Joshwa might
not even recognize his dad.

I LOVE Philbert and Joshwa

I AM NOT going to stop scrapbooking..

I DANCE when i'm really really drunk.

I SING when I feel like it.. Much to the disgust of
those around me (hahahhaa)

I CRY at the wrong times... which is weird I don't cry
pag galit ako or may masakit.Mas naiiyak pa ako pag
napapanuod ko na may natulungan si Oprah or when
I watched Vilma Santos's episode sa MMK that episode
really touched a raw nerve

I WRITE when i feel like it..

I SHOULD be calling Joshwa's school to re-schedule
the Parent Teacher Meeting that's suppose to be on Monday

LIFE SIMPLE PLEASURES

Sometimes it's really nice to appreciate the finer things in life

1. Talking to my husband on the phone

2. Playing with Joshwa.

3. Eating Ice Cream with Joshwa.

4. Scrapbooking

5. Going to Mass

6. Our Annual Family Vacation

7. Watching TV

8. Talking to my sisters on the phone

9. Going to the mall with Marisa

10. Eating Out with my parents

Scrapbook Event

I was able to go to the Scrappin Mania event
organized by the Scrappin Moms. The event
was a huge success.. Scrap heaven sya there
were 9 sellers and they all had a field day
kasing daming tao dumating and daming
bumili. May mga seminars and lectures
sila. Madami ring sumali sa scrap challenge.
Sumali din ako and I will be posting my
work soon. It was my first time to use
a hinge on my work and okay pala sya gamitin.
Although di ako nanalo okay lang naman
din kasi some of the winners ka e-group ko.
It was fun to be able to join and see
my scrapbook friends after a loonnnng hiatus.

6 Weird Facts About Me.,

1. I love Ice Cream for me there's always a good excuse
to eat ice cream.

2.I love taking photos. But I'm no tready to invest
in a very expensive camera. I think being a scrapbooker has helped
to develop my eye for detail

3. I don't like confrontations. Early on I have learned to
let things go rather than fight about it.

4. I always read the obituary.

5. I always read the marriage banns posted
outside the church.

6. I'm a fan of Mark Ruffalo which is really
weird because aside from Marisa no one I know is a
fan of his.

Nang Dahil Sa Yakult.

Nilagnat si Joshwa nung isang gabi
talagang nag panic ako kasi talagang
nilalamig sya at pumayag sya mag kumot.
Di ko sya pinapasok sa eskuelahan nung
Huwebes. Pagdating ng Huwebes ng Hapon
tumawag ang nag aalaga sa kanya at
sinabi nyang nagsuka si Joshwa. Sabi ko
obserbahan nya si Joshwa kung susuka
uli. Pagkatapos nung limang minuto tumawag
uli. Nagsuka na naman daw si Joshwa tumawag
ako kay Papa at nag text kay Mama para sabihin
na kailangan dalhin si Joshwa sa ospital.

Maputla si Joshwa nung nakita ko.Dinala
namin agad sa Emergency Room. Pero wala
naman silang makitang sakit nya. Kaya niresetahan
kami ng gamot at pinauwi.

Pagkalabas namin at nasa taxi na kami
inusisa kong mabuti kung ano ba talaga
ang nakain ang sagot sa akin kaunti lang daw
ang nakain ni Joshwa biscuit lamang at kaninang
umaga pagkagising 3 yakult ang ininom.

Kakagigil talaga sya sa katigasan ng ulo nya
muntik na mapahamak ang anak ko.
Kaya ipinaalala ko talaga na kaya nga sabi ko
isang beses lang sa isang araw ang yakult
at di puede ng gutom. Pasalamat na lang din ako
at walang nangyari sa kanya. Kaya pala nung
tinatanong sya ng doctor di makasagot ng maayos.

Day 7 Time to Go Home

Day 6 At The Reunion

Day 3,4,5 SWIMMING

Day 2 At the Farm

Dipolog Vacation Day 1

AT THE AIRPORT

INSIDE THE AIRPLANE

Bukas na ang alis namin di pa rin ako fully
prepared parang feeling ko may kulang pa
sa binili ko or dapat ko gawin.At the same
time excited ako for Joshwa kasi 1st time
nya sumakay ng airplane.

Sorry i'm going to start ranting again
Nainis ako sa isang "tita" ko hilig makialam
sa buhay ng may buhay.I've had enough
of the unsolicited advices and the bitching.
I just want to tell her na lang na leave me
alone. It usually comes in three's so
nakakadalawa na sya isa na lang. Di lang nya
alam madami ring naiinis sa anya kasi
mayabang sya. Lagi kong naiisip
yung sinasabi sa bible he who has no
sin cast the first stone. Tuwing naiinis ako
sa kanya kung may connection yan di ko
alam basta yan lang naiisip ko.

Tampo

Nagtatampo ako ng kaunti kay Hon kasi tumawag ako
busy sya. Lately lagi na lang syang busy. Miss ko na
sya pero lagi syang walang time para kausapin ako.
Lagi ko na lang sinasabi sa sarili ko intindihin na lang
sya kasi talaga namang busy sya talagang iniintindi
ko sya kaya minsan iniisip ko di mo ba kayang
iwanan yang ginagawa mo para kausapin ako
maski 3 minutes lang.

Wala lang nagtatampo lang ako kasi gusto ko lang
naman sya makausap kahit sandali lang.
Pero maski ganito nararamdaman ko di ko na rin
naman sinabi sa kanya sinarili ko na lang.
Miss na miss ko na kasi sya until then andito
lang naman ako maghihintay na lang uli
ng tamang tyempo baka sa susunod di na sya
busy pag tumawag ako.

Kumon

Joshwa has been doing so great ever since
he started doing Kumon last November.

Well according to their website The essence of the
Kumon Method is the curriculum of distinct
skill levels broken down into smaller blocks.
The materials span the entire spectrum from
preschool right through to university level.
Preschool and early primary students flourish
with progress through the levels in small,
manageable increments.

Now Joshwa is now learning how to talk.
He can now read and can now focus on the
task at hand he can even do puzzles.

What's good about Kumon also is that its
repetitive so Joshwa can really understand it.
I'm just so happy about his development.

Its like he is starting to unravel right before
my very eyes and I'm in no means saying
that he's cured or anything but I really
feel strongly about the development that he is
showing.

Malapit na ang vacation namin. Medyo kabado pa rin
ako kasi wala pa yung provision na pinagdadasal ko.
Pero kung di sya dumating baka di para sa amin.

At the same time excited ako kasi 1st time ni Joshwa
sumakay ng airplane. Iniisip ko kung dapat ko sya
painumin ng bonamine or something that would
calm him down during the flight.

Di pala alam ng mga kamag-anak ko na special
child si Joshwa. Di ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin.
Do i have to explain? Tell them upfront? Tell them
when they ask me? Kasi di naman lahat alam. Pero
di ko rin yan tinago sa kanila.

Pero aside from the concerns above medyo
excited rin ako to be with Joshwa in Dipolog.
Dami ko na ngang iniisip na itinerary kung saan
ko puede dalhin si Joshwa kung saan kami
pupunta, kung saan kami kakain at mga puede
naming gawin. Scrapbook moments na naman.

Nagsisimula na magsalita si Joshwa. Kakatuwa
talagang sobrang na-appreciate ko yung effort nya
(sa mga PBB fans familiar ang line na yan kanino
kaya galing yan?)

My name is (clear ito) Oshwa Papapapas instead
of Joshwa Pagaspas. Kakatuwa marinig kasi he
really says it with pride.

His diagnosis is from Autism to
PDD(Pervasive Developmental Disorder)

Pervasive developmental disorder-
not otherwisespecified (PDD-NOS) is the current
“general” diagnosis for many disorders on the
Autism Spectrum, including autism, Asperger’s Syndrome,
Rhett’s Syndrome and childhood disintegrative
disorder. Sometimes, a physician will use the term
PDD-NOS when there are recognizable “autistic-like”
characteristics being displayed in an individual, but
the testing is inconclusive or incomplete to meet the
criteria for a more specific diagnosis. In addition,
some physicians will use the term PDD-NOS
because of attitudes/stigma attached to the word “autism.”

Malapit na ang vacation namin. I'm leaving next
Sunday (April 9) One thing I'm dreading to hear
is "tambok naman ka kaayo" (ang taba mo sobra
in sobra) or nganong nadako man ka( why did
you become that big?) Im praying that I may
have the patience to smile through all of that
or whatever. I love going to Dipolog but
sometimes I dread those questions.

Tapos na..

Sa wakas natapos na rin ang semester na ito.
Masasabi ko lang ay Thank You LORD!

Lately,laging sinasabi ng Mama ko plan your life
as if dito ka lang muna. So that's what I'm doing.
Nag enroll ako for the Licensure Examination
for Teachers review this summer. Then enroll
naman uli next semester para maging SPED
teacher ako. Tapos mag board exam ako sa August.
Hopefully makapasa ako para kahit saan ako
makarating puede ako mag turo.

Inis

Paano ka makikisama sa isang tao na inis na inis ka.
Tuwing makikita mo sya at alam mong inis ka pa
di ka mapakali. Hay God Help me kasi ganyan ang
feeling ko ngayon inis na inis ako sa katulong ng mama
ko.

All i want is an apology from her but I won't
demand it. Maski ano pa sabihin nya about me
si God ang kakampi ko at sya ang bahala sa akin.

At the moment, maingat na ako pag andyan sya
di ako mapakali. Di ko sya kinakausap about
what happened kasi I don't want to hear
whatever she has to say.Di na rin naman nya
mababago kung ano man nagawa nya.

Mawawala din itong inis ko siguro in a few weeks
okay na uli ang lahat.

Joshwa

Minsan talaga di ko maiwasan pag may nakikita akong
kids na ka age ni Joshwa or sometimes mas bata
naiisip ko talaga all the things that he could, should
and would have been doing if he didn't have what he
has. As quickly as I have thought about it I'm also
quick to dismiss it kasi I love Joshwa and I couldn't
and wouldn't trade him for anything in this world.

I'm sure in time he will be able to do things that kids like his
age could do and that for me would be a great moment.

I did learn that the best things in life are truly
worth waiting for and that's what Joshwa brings
out in me the patience in waiting that one day
he will be so much better than what is expected
of him

I've been tagged by Mickee..Parang di na ata updated sagot ko
kasi 5 years old na si Joshwa




How did you feel during those first few days after the birth?
==> I had a C-section so it was hard at first. But after a few
days I was up and about and was able to fix Joshwa's baptism.
He was baptized when he was 9 Days old.

How were you emotionally?
==>It was terrible. I was the poster girl for PPD i tell you and
my husband had to bear the brunt of it .

Is there anything you wish people had told you
about the postpartum period?
==> That people shouldn't joke about this things
because its not a joke to go through this
and I salute those women who come forward to
seek medical help.

How long do you plan to breastfeed?
==> Initially I wanted to breastfeed as long as
I could but at the time there was no support system for me.
Wala pang breastfeeding counsellor na puede mag house
call para turuan ka kung paano mag latch.

Do you have any advice for getting through those first weeks of breastfeeding?
==> Support is very important find a friend or get your husband to rally behind you to encourage you
when you feel like giving up

Was there any stress between you and your husband over the baby?
==> None because Philbert is the best dad. At times he may not be
a great husband but he is the best dad he would wake up in the
middle of the night and prepare milk for Joshwa and the works and
he would give Joshwa a bath. He would gladly babysit Joshwa when
the need arises.

Let's talk about your body, Did things get totally rearranged?
==> Hahahaha

Care to share how much you weighed before and how much now?
==> Hahahhaha....

What advice-or comfort-can you offer other new moms about
their weight ?
==> These too shall pass

How important is it for you to have a work identity?
==> Well for me if I had a choice I would really want to just work from the
home and focus on Joshwa .

Was your baby a lot of fun right from the start?
==> no he was crying and waking up at 3 am not fun at all

What's your baby like now?
==> He's a big boy and he brings us so much joy

Holy Week Plans

Akala ko wala kaming plans this holy week.
I was prepared to just stay at home and scrap
all day.Sinabihan ako ni Mama nag mag pa book
ng airline kasi uuwi kami ng Dipolog. We will be there
for 6 days. I'm excited because it's Joshwa's 1st
airplane ride. Something to scrap about at syempre dahil
mag vacation kami nag order na akong papers to go with
the photos..Nakisabay ako sa isang friend na nag order
din. I hope na maenjoy ni Joshwa ang Dipolog.
Sign ba ito baka ibig sabihin next trip namin ni Joshwa
international na..

Colds

Naku ngayon pa ako nagkaron ng colds nahawa ako kay
Joshwa. Ngayon magaling na sya ako naman ang napuruhan.
Masakit ang sinus ko pati ang ulo ko I've been drinking
Hornex and Biogesic pero ayaw mag work. Naiinis ako kasi
di talaga maganda ang timing malapit na finals sa school
daming nasimulan wala pang natatapos. I guess my body is
telling me to slow down and let me heal for a bit before
I try to do anything else.

March SOL

· Philbert is my bestfriend
· Cinderella is my favorite Disney princess.
· Corny jokes make me laugh.
· I don’t know how to wear make-up
· Kinder Bueno is my favorite ever chocolate bar
· I already have a name for my next child Harry James Potter or Gandhia Michelin
· I call on St. Anthony whenever I lose something
· I really want to live in a house with a big lawn and a swimming pool
· I am 5 feet and two inches tall.
· I am not good at haggling.
· I look forward to the scrapbooking gatherings every month
· I can spend the whole day just surfing the internet.
· I can’t dance.
· Know-it-alls irritate me.
· I can’t leave home without my cell phone.
· I can’t resist cake or any other sweets for that matter
· I could never stare into a person’s eyes.
· I don’t know how to ride a bike.
· I don’t know how to swim in deep waters.
· I don’t know how to use rollerblades or a skate board.

Materials Used:

DCWV paper
Chatterbox Tag
Chatterbox Vellum
Rob and Bob Paper
Provo Craft Paper
Craft Express Stickers
Paper Pizzaz
Heart Brads
Basic Grey

February SOL

Eto yung journalling ko:

The date today is February 28,2006
Inside, I feel like I’m 24 years old .
I’m okay but I’m feeling really blue I miss Philbert so
much. I thought things would get better but I’m still not
used to the feeling that Philbert’s not here.
I was named after someone my mom had a bestfriend
named Tito/Tita Ariel and so my mom spelled
his name backwards thus the name Leira.
My nicknames are Lei, Leirs, Lira, & Leir
Aside from Philbert my bestfriend at the moment is Marisa.
My favorite dessert is ice cream and
my favorite flavor is Rocky Road.
My favorite weekend activity is spending time with
Joshwa and eating ice cream with him.
The least favorite thing about myself Is that
I’m fat and I don’t know how to lose all the weight.
My most recent achievement is getting good grades in school.
What I’m worried is not being to be able to see Philbert again
I think I would just die if that happened to me.

Materials Used:

DCWV papers
Basic Grey Tag
Paper Pizzaz
Ribbons
Provo Craft Paper

Slice of Life

One of our projects within the group that could
somehow motivate us to do a least one Lay Out
a month is the Slice of Life. I'm posting my Slice
of Life Layouts(SOL) here. I'm going to start with my
January SOL na February ko na ginawa

A Slife of My Life

This LO was supposed to be January pero
Feb 13 ko na sya nagawa. Eto yung journalling
na ginamit ko.

The date today is February 13,2006.
My mother’s maiden name is Rescina taken
from my Lolo’s name REStituto and my Lola’s
name luCINA. At the moment I’m wearing a
Polo shirt dark blue and a pair of denim jeans.
The last person I talked to on the phone was my
cousin LALI .A goal I’m working on right now is
trying to fix our papers so that we can apply for
our visa that is also something that I am saving for.
What I thought I would be doing right now is being
a Stay at Home Wife and Mother. Philbert, Joshwa
and Andrea are the people that I really think about
a lot. Philbert is really the person that I miss the most.
My birthday is on October 19.If I see a shooting star
the only wish that I have in my heart that Joshwa and
I will be able to leave the Philippines before 2006 ends.

Materials Used:
Ribbons
Acetate
DCWV paper
Chatterbox Paper
Rob & Bob Paper
Basic Grey Paper
Porcelain Flowers
Staple Wires

Jeremiah 29:11

This verse really stands out for me kasi
feeling ko talaga God is assuring me
na sya bahala sa akin.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,"
declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and
not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God Will Make A Way

Malapit na kami mag apply ng Visa
medyo uneasy ang feeling ko pero
talagang this song really gave me
comfort it's as if God is speaking to
me through this song. Please include
us in your prayers na sana matuloy
ang travel plans namin this year ni
Joshwa para makasama na namin
ni Philbert.


God Will Make A Way
Don Moen

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
By a roadway in the wilderness
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today

Joshwa's Latest Photo

Movie Reviews

Last week a friend & I went to see a movie
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.. To say the
say the least it was unrealistic and insensitive.

Last Saturday nanood naman kami ng CLOSE TO YOU.
This movie was great as in it was realistic, gave all
the right kilig moments basta it was nice.. A lot better

Yesterday my friend treated me to a movie
Brokeback Mountain. This was a sad movie
pero they were living in a different time so parang
much as they wanted to be together they weren't as
lucky. I truly wouldn't want to be in the shoes of
Michelle Williams naawa ako sa kanya dun sa movie.

I truly believe that it deserves all the awards and
the great reviews.

Ive been tagged by Lit Coo


4 Jobs I've Had In My Life-

• Customer Service Associate
• Office Employee
• Wife
• Mother

4 Movies I Could Watch Over And Over

• Sound of Music
• The Notebook
• The Truth About Cats and Dogs
  
• Happy Potter Series
  

4 Places I've Lived

• Makati
• Pasig

4 TV Shows I Love To Watch

• Wheel of Fortune
• Entertainment Tonight
• The Insider
• Jeopardy

4 Places I've Been On Vacation (the last four)

• Singapore
• Malaysia
• Indonesia
• United States

4 Websites I Visit Daily

• Yahoo
• Chinabank
• Gmail
• Yahoo Groups

4 of my favorite foods:

• Oysters
• Cakes
• Pork barbecue
• Ice cream

4 Places I'd Rather Be Right Now

• California
• New York
• Amanpulo
• Malapascua
  

Bloggers I Am Tagging

• Mickee
• Cher
• Grishan
• Mia

I finally have a new phone.
Naglakas loob na rin ako bumili.
Kuripot kasi ako tagal ko na
convince sarili ko na kailangan ko ng bago.
I bought a Nokia 6230i.
It's cute and sleek and fits my
lifestyle. Best of all tri-band sya
so meaning even if we move I
can bring my phone with me
and I can actually use it.

Baguio

Last Friday January 13 was Joshwa's 1st time
to go to Baguio and he had a lot fun.
This is my favorite photo nung trip namin

Happy Birthday Joshwa

Last January 16 we celebrated
Joshwa's 5th Birthday.
It was a simple celebration I just ordered
food from my Lola's restaurant and we had
a school party. The best part was that Joshwa
blew out his birthday candle. I waited so long
to see that and truth to be told I was
very emotional. I really wish that his dad was there.
I hope sa next birthday we will be able
to go to the United States to celebrate his dad.

Happy Birthday Philbert

Today is Philbert's birthday..
So to my love I say Happy Birthday we may
not be together now but we will be together
soon. You would always be 25 to me..
Since 25 ka forever does that mean
I'm forever 21 since you are 4 years older?

Here's a poem that I found by E.E. Cummings.

I LOVE YOU MUCH(MOST BEAUTIFUL DARLING)

More than anyone on the earth and I like you
better than everything in the sky -sunlight
and singing welcome your coming.

Although winter may be everywhere,
With such a silence and such a darkness
No one can quite begin to guess (except my life)
the true time of year- And if what calls itself a world
should have.

The luck to hear such singing or glimpse such
Sunlight as will leap higher than high
Through gayer than gayest someone's heart
at your nearness.
Everyone certainly would(myMost beautiful darling)
believe in nothing but love

Joshwa and I celebrated Christmas together
but it was weird because It felt sad and cold.
Joshwa opened all of the gifts his and mine.
He had fun opening the gifts he had fun
with the wrapping paper and forgot about
the gifts all together. Here I was watching
him and taking a video and I was happy
to see him in a good mood and smiling for
the camera.

I spent Christmas with my Lola and some tito's,
tita's and cousins but still something was
missing. While I was eating and partaking
of the feast that is called Noce Buena.
Silently I was praying to God please I never
want to go through this kind of Christmas again.
I know that I should count my blessings etc and etc.

I wanted to get into christmas "spirit"
but still It felt weird that I couldn't.
I cant help it I miss my family .so what is family
anyway right? Joshwa is family but what I meant
was parents, my sisters,my nephew and most especially
my husband.


It was so sad and I felt pathetic
but I cant help it. But it's okay I know
that everything happens for a reason.
God will reveal it in time.. Not my time
but in his perfect time.

So for all of you who felt happy and
jolly and all sorts of happy emotions
this holiday season I say good for you.

For some of you that felt like I did
well then I feel for you and I sincerely
know what you're going through.

Our Christmas Letter

Only twelve more days till
Christmas!Time just seems
to fly by these days.Last year
we were just getting ready for
a trip to the United States.

The past year had lots of ups
and downs for all of us. As we
reach the end of 2005, we are
well, thankful and anticipating
some changes in our lives.
This year we will be spending
Christmas with my Lola and
Tito Rekz and his family because
my parents will be spending
the holidays with Grish, Brox, Nets & Geoff
in the United States.

Joshwa is thriving so well he moved to a new school in
July and has shown some remarkable improvement.
He also started taking KUMON last November and it
has also shown positive feedback. The essence of the
Kumon Method is the curriculum of distinct skill
levels broken down into smaller blocks.
The materials span the entire spectrum from
preschool right through to university level.
Preschool and early primary students flourish
with progress through the levels in small,
manageable increments.
He can now arrange the number board from
1-30 and he is now starting to utter words.


On another note please include Joshwa in your
prayers we recently found out that he has to go
through an operation . Something is wrong with
his tongue the initial diagnosis is Ankyloglossia a
condition in which the free movement of the tongue
is restricted due to abnormal attachment of lingual
frenulum towards the tip of the tongue. The schedule
for the surgery is not yet fixed but were looking at
January. I’m positive that with prayers everything
will go smoothly as God is in control.

As for me I went back to school and I’m working
towards finishing my education units this year
and hopefully taking up my teacher’s certification
in August and then getting my Special Education
units by next year hopefully in that order.
I’m still very much into scrapbooking some of my
works can be found at:
http://community.webshots.com/user/digileirs

Philbert is still in the United States working and
hopefully we will be reunited soon.
We both miss him so much.

Time is getting short, so I need to close this letter
and email it before it before the Christmas rush.
I hope to hear from you soon and don’t forget to
send email to tell us how the year was so far for
you and your family. Happy Holidays from our
family to yours.

Philbert, Leira & Joshwa Pagaspas

Dami na akong experiences as far as dealing
with disabilities are concerned. Not with Joshwa but
with other people. (Philbert's family included)
Kesyo kasalanan ko kung bakit sya ganyan kasi
di ko sya kinakausap to excuse lang na special child
to not help them. But i took it all in stride kasi di
naman totoo yun.. Of course it doesnt help that others
can be insensitive as well.
(Others meaning those that I have met only a few times )
Comments such as Autistic pala anak mo di halata..
Iba kasi itsura nila eh.. The worse question asked was
"May ginawa ka ba nung buntis ka?"a worst comment
ever said to me that Autistics shouldn't be allowed
to mix with other kids. Aww.. di naman yan sakit
di yan nakakahawa. Anyway its all good because
I know not everyone will understand because they
all think that it won't happen to them.

I hope that it doesn't kasi what I went through
with Joshwa is something that i would never
wish on someone else. Kasi sobrang masakit
sa isang nanay na makita mo anak mo delayed
sya or nahihirapan sa isang task na simple lang
for other kids. Yung magkasakit ang anak mo
tapos di mo malaman kung anong gagamutin
kasi di masabi sa yo kung ano ang masakit.

The finances are no joke either.. Talagang mabigat
sa bulsa bukas school doesnt have a vacation.
The only time off that we get from school are
the legal holidays. The best part about being
a mom to Joshwa is I really get to appreciate
the simple things that he can do. I can laugh
and relish the little victories that he can do...

Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire

I wanted to leave the office at 6 pm.
It just wasn't possible mom had to go somewhere
and she needed Joshwa's yaya to help her in
the kitchen. So I had to watch him while his yaya
was busy. Finally at 6:30PM when yaya was done
I gave Joshwa to her kissed my mom and
leave for SM. (Our meeting place)

We had a quick snack at the food court
and we went to Glorietta 1 to purchase
movie tickets. Walked around for a bit
looking for the perfect raffle prizes for
the scrapbook christmas party and
luckily I was able to find a cool
raffle prize.

Then headed for the cinema at around
9PM.

After movie thoughts:

• I loved the movie it was true to the book.

• They're so grown up.. I can't believe it..

• They chose really good parts this time.

• I was disappointed with how they cast

Fleur Delacour & Cho Chang.

Constantine

Was able to watch Constantine Maroulis
last night and I was blown away he was so good.

Constantine is so hot and sexy and he really
does have a good voice There is something
about him he has charisma and great stage
presence.

Music is about expression. Constantine
Maroulis knows how to not only express
emotion, but also provoke it. I admire his
ability to do whatever he feels right.

SINGAPORE

I'm now in Singapore currently enjoying a short
vacation.I want to move here ganda eh.
I can see us living here and starting a new life here.

Going to the US is also a good idea. It's just that
I'm starting to keep all options open.

A Blast From the Past

I recently saw someone from my past.
I've always wondered whatever happened to that
person. Then from out of nowhere I have this
chance to see the person from a group photo
belonging to another friend's friendster account.
All thoughts of what could, should, would have
been have been erased. The if's and but's are now gone.
I wish that person a happy and quiet life.
One that is full of love, dreams and hopes.
The kind of life that I'm now starting to build for myself
and my son

Children are the living message we send to a time we will not see.-Unknown

Happy Halloween!!!!

Im posting my 1st Semester Grades. Im so proud of
myself. Everything was truly worth it. 1 Semester
Down. 1 Semester to go. Then Special Education
here I come

Sleepy!!!

Its now 1:50 AM im in an internet cafe.I'm soo sleepy..
Binabantayan ko ang bidding namin..Ngayon kasi ang
pag quote sa client namin online na ang system.
Imagine my shock when my boss said that I have to
finish the bidding.. Then wait for it to close.
I hope di ito madalas mangyayari.. Buti na lang din
open ang internet cafe na malapit sa amin ng 24 Hours.
Kaunting tiis na lang.. 1 Hour and 18 mins to go.. Tagal!!!!

Thank You

Sa mga nag greet sa akin either via text, email, ym, phone calls.
Thank you so much. Di nyo lang kung paano nyo ako pinasaya.
I was already dreading this day kasi ang dami kong good
memories pag birthday ko. Nasanay lang ako na andyan si
Philbert pag birthday ko pero ngayon wala sya.Pero God is
good kasi many people remembered to greet me...
2 sets of friends organized a birthday celebration for me
Something that has never happened before. Siguro God
is just trying to tell me na make new memories instead
of being sad because Philbert isn't here. Really comforting..
I spent time with Joshwa today and heard him talk without
being prompted. That was the best gift that I have received
today to see him starting to talk and verbalize.
Again, thank you so much.. To my 2 sisters Grishan and Rhanesa
I miss you both so much and I miss Brox also.. Parang maski
ang daming wala dito to celebrate with me. I know that wherever
they are.. (buhay pa sila ha nasa ibang bansa lang) Im sure
they would have wanted me to be there with them to celebrate
with them..

Palitaw

Im back.. Tagal nasira nang internet namin sa office.
Sa wakas at natapos namin ang 1st semester. 12 Units
down and 12 Units to go then SPED here I come.

Hirap pala talaga maging estudyante pero I know
I can conquer the next semester.

Sa mga nagtatanong kung bakit walang update
sorry po medyo busy lang po ako. At nasira pa ang
internet namin sa office. By the way naglilipat din
pala kami ng office. Tapos pinaalis pa ni Mama
ang mga angels so dagdag ang work ko kasi
walang mautusan pag may kailangan ipagawa.
Sabi nga nila if you want something done you
have to do it yourself.

My New Toy

My new
toy is
here..
I love it,
I love it ,
I love it..

Pinoy Big Brother

I know baduy na kung baduy pero
I'm actually starting to like Pinoy Big Brother.
In a twisted way it triggers the chismossa in
me. Mahilig maki chissmiss sa buhay ng iba.
Syempre pa may gusto ako dun.. Si Sam
Gusto ko kasi cute sya.. Saka mukhang mabait
sya eh. I hope whoever wins will deserve
to win tipong walang tinatapakang tao
just like Ethan Zohn was in Survivor

My New Blog

I have a new template..
Thanks to my sister Grishan for the help.
I'm really dumb when it comes to HTML
and what have you.Nothing really
new in my life. Same old same old. I'm excited
because this semester is ending soon. I can't wait to
finish this school year to move on to the next phase
of my life. Either I take SPED or my masteral
degree in Guidance and Counselling. I figured that
while waiting for our migration plans to go through
might as well just use it to further my post graduate
degree. Who knows next I'll blog about is that I'm on my
way to my PhD Degree.

I Won..

I won a contest sa blogsite si Ala Paredes
and since I never usually win anything.
I used it for my lay out and I took a photo

Things have been great lately. Im growing in
my faith as a Christian. A friend has been helping
me and discipling me. Im also involved sa church
as a Sunday school teacher di naman lagi once a
month lang. Dati assistant lang ako tapos I was asked
if i want to be an assistant team leader
(meaning i'll be handling a class na) pero im
not yet sure If i'll accept it. I'm happy to be
just helping and assisting the teacher with
the kids. I hope and pray that i can be more
involved sa christian church. I know in God's
time I will be..

New Developments

Last Saturday, I was able to attend my
orientation with E-World Staffing
Services. They have a great new
program that they are offering for
teachers maski wala ka pa talagang
experience.The most important
thing that I have to pass is the
American Teachers Board Exams
sa February. Best of all puro related
sa subject matter ang test no other
subjects kasi kung English ang ituturo
ko puro English subjects lang aaralin
ko kasi yun lang lalabas sa test.
May review classes din sila for
those taking the exam.
Para di bumagsak ang examinees nila
Sayang ang PhP 31,000 kung
babagsak lang di ba?

Tinanong ako kung saan ko gusto sabi
ko it doesn't matter kung saan ako
ma-assign. Pero if ako masusunod
gusto ko sa Florida or Utah. Florida
kasi Joshwa would really enjoy
Disney World, Epcot, NASA and
Etc. Saka he would like the
weather in Florida.Lamigin si Joshwa
di sya mag eenjoy sa cold weather.
Pero kung ako naman mag enjoy
ako sa UTAH kasi dun ang roots
ng scrapbooking sa United States.
Katulad ng Provo Craft dun sya
based sa UTAH. Hanggan sa pag
apply scrapbooking pa rin ang main
factor. (Hahaha)

I hope I can pass it eto na lang ticket
namin ni Joshwa makaalis dito.
If anyone knows of a better way please
suggest na and I would consider it.

If and when I pull this off dito na
magsisimula magbago ang buhay
namin ng anak ko.

Please include us in your prayers

Hon

Hon left a message at my tagboard.
Nagulat ako kasi di sya usually
ganyan his message really made my day.

I love you too Hon..We'll be together soon.

Joshwa and the Album

Yesterday Joshwa and I were looking
at our wedding photo album. Suddenly
I thought of testing him to see if knows
us. Sabi ko point mo si Mommy, point
naman sya sa photo.Point mo si Mama,
point naman sya sa photo,Point mo si
Papa, point naman sya sa photo,
Point mo si Daddy, point naman sya sa photo,.
Point mo si Tita Grish, point naman sya sa
photo,.Point mo si Kuya Brox, point naman
sya sa photo. Tapos eto na dumating
na kami kay Mother in Law sabi ko point mo
si Nanay di nya ma point gusto na nya ilipat
yung page. Sabi ko sige na point mo si Nanay
ayaw talaga. Sabi ko sige si Tatay na lang point
mo ayaw din. Di nya kilala In Laws ko..
Naku sasabihin na naman nila tinuturan ko
anak ko ng di maganda.Kakausapin ko
pa yung therapist ng anak ko tungkol dito,

Sa mga nagtatanong tungkol kay Joshwa at
sa bago nyang school okay naman sya.
Sulit naman yung bayad namin sa school.
Buti na lang at discounted ang rate nila
sa amin. He's now learning to be independent.

He's so cute (syempre anak ko) lalo na pag
minsan lumalabas na yung kapilyuhan nya
pag yaya nya ginawa cute pero tahimik lang
ako pero pag sa akin "JOSHWA STOP
THAT!!!" maririnig nya sa akin.

As for me school is okay but Im so swamped
with homework pero okay lang naman kasi
di pa naman sya masyadong mahirap. I found
out that our school might be offering Special
Education classes next year but if di naman sila
mag offer apply ako sa ibang school.. I kept thinking
I should have done this before.

Our 5th Wedding Anniversary

A Love Poem
By: LBP

You may not always treat me
like your princess
And at times you love your
PC more than me
I love you just the same

You may not be truly sweet
Not always generous with your gifts
Your love is the most important gift of all
Please know what it all means at heart
And how my spirit lifts.

The way you show me you love me
Can you see the love, the warmth
The THRILL that's in my eyes?

Our wedding day
The day we said I Do.
Was one of the best days of my life.
I could have been in heaven
and it wouldn't have mattered because
I was truly happy to have married
the love of my life.

Your presence seems to always calm me
You always seems to know me.

But best of all the dream
Continues to this day
Hon, we are soulmates
Distance may have separated us
but we are together in every way.

We have been through so much
We have been through struggles
I truly feel this from my heart
I wouldn't know what to do
Just how I'd live this life on earth
If life were without you.

You are so very wonderful
The truest, sweetest dear
And I'm happiest just smiling
and thinking of you on this special day

There is no love that's brighter
Or anything as warm
As the love we share together
In its quintessential form.

So on this day we mark our love
I'll shed some joyful tears
And say, with love that keeps on growing
I'll look forward to many more years.

Waiting for Harry

Harry Potter is coming out

tomorrow I can't wait and

I'm soo excited. Im sure
the book won't disappoint

me. Never mind that the

book is pricey its worth

the wait. I'll tell you more

about it in my next few

entries.

Joshwa

Official na talaga nag start si Joshwa sa
new school nya kanina. Akala ko mahihirapan
ako kausapin yung teacher. Pero di naman
pala. Sabi ko kasi sa kanya I just want
what's best for Joshwa.I would really regret
it if di kami lumipat kasi ganda ng facilities
ng new school nya tapos one on one pa ang
student and teacher ratio.

Excited nga ako sa homework ni Joshwa
binili ko na agad yung nasa list nya.
Naghahanap na lang ako ng kiddie apron.
For his art class..

Speaking of Joshwa eto nga pala vocabulary
nya:

Jush = Josh (hirap sya sabihin ang letter O)
Baba = Ako po yun. Yun na tawag nya sa akin
Dadi= Daddy
Ati = Tawag nya sa nag aalaga sa kanya
Tita
Ano BA! = He says this pag naiinis sya
Hindi = Instead of No eto sinasabi nya
Papa
Mama
Babye= Bye bye nya with waving of hands

I truly celebrate this moments that he's
started to speak. Maingat na nga ako kasi
baka ano pa ma-pick nya na words.

A New School

Joshwa will be moving to a new school on
Monday. Nakita ko na sya ang ganda.
Problem ko na lang is how to tell the
old teacher na aalis na kami sa school nya.

Ganda talaga nung school.Very impressive
sya. The name of the school is Skill Camp
Center.

Joshwa Diaries-DAY 4- June 28

Joshwa was getting antsy and restless
gusto na maglakad pero di puede kasi
naka dextrose pa rin sya.

I didnt go to work because I wanted to
talk to the Doctor and to find out
kung ano ba talaga ang diagnosis nila

Upper Respiratory Track Infection
--Upper respiratory tract infection
involves inflammation of the respiratory
mucosa from the nose to the lower respiratory
tree, not including the alveoli. In addition
to malaise, it causes localized symptoms
that constitute several overlapping syndromes:
sore throat (pharyngitis), rhinorrhea (common cold),
facial fullness and pain (sinusitis),
and cough (bronchitis).

Gastroenteritis
---Gastroenteritis is the irritation and inflammation
of the digestive tract.

Joshwa Diaries-DAY 3- June 27

Nakausap ko na yung agent namin sa
health card. Ayos na daw yung problem
sa card so expect ko na lang daw yung
liason officer nila para I could sign the
LOA tapos makakalipat na kami
ng room.

After 30 minute iba ang dumating
billing officer ng Makati Med
sinisingil kami ng downpayment na
PhP 13,000. I immediately called my
mom to call the agent. Then I also
called the agent.Buti naman at
na-sort out na sya.

Before I left for school dumating na
yung liason officer nung health
card I signed the form na..
Sa wakas makakalipat na rin kami ng room.

Joshwa Diaries-DAY 2- June 26

Wala namang masyadong drama nangyari today
except that Joshwa was probably getting used
to the noise kaya natutulog na lang din sya.

Dumaan si Mama para kamustahin si Joshwa.

Nakausap ko si Philbert ako syempre ang
nasisi kung bakit nagkasakit anak nya. Syempre
wala na nga sya dito, di na kami dapat magsisihan
sa mga nangyari.

I just kept praying for the Lord to help us.
Alam ko naman na di nya kami papabayaan.

Joshwa Diaries-DAY 1- June 25

I was still half asleep tapos kinakapa ko kung asan
si Joshwa kasi I wanted to hug him. Pag hawak
ko sa kanya napaso ako kasi ang init nya.
Talagang napaupo ako tapos tinawag ko
si Ate Nora (yaya nya) to tell her na may lagnat
si Joshwa.Sabi sa akin walang lagnat sabi ko
meron I had to wake up Bing for a second opinion.
Oo may lagnat daw si Joshwa.. I told Ate Nora
to look for the Calpol. While I was looking for a
shirt na pampalit ni Joshwa. All of a sudden
umupo si Joshwa and nagsuka. Then after nya
nahimasmasan nag suka na naman sya
at that point I called my dad and told him that
I would bring Joshwa to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital nasa 39 ang fever
nya. They told us to give him something to
drink uwi naman ako to get the last money
that I had. Sa taranta ko di ko pa nadala.
Bumili ako ng juice for Joshwa. As soon as binigay
sa kanya nagsuka sya uli.

Sabi sa amin admit na daw kasi nagsusuka baka
delikado. I said okay kasi may card naman
kami. Sabi sa akin sa admitting may kuarto
na daw. (Wow bilis thank you Lord!) Pero
paalis na ako tinawag ako ng taga admitting
sabi sa akin di daw kami puede ma-admit kasi
daw may problem sa card. Oh no.. apparently
di pa pala kami nagbayad.

So I decided mag ward na lang muna kami
kasi if Joshwa needs to be confined ward
lang ang ma-afford ko bayaran. Di bale na
lang yung ibang bagay basta unahin ko si
Joshwa.

I was trying to get a hold of Philbert to
tell him na maysakit si Joshwa when
i finally tracked him down. Lasing po ang
asawa ko and parang di nya naintindihan kung
ano ang nangyayari.

We spent our 1st night there.. It was hard
kasi di makapahinga si Joshwa nang maayos
as soon as makakatulog sya may iiyak
na naman magigising naman si Joshwa.
Pero nung finally may peace and quiet
na which was at 10Pm matutulog na si Joshwa
nanonood na lang nang tv para antukin sya.
Pinatay ang tv, syempre iyak naman ang anak ko
buong gabi halos alternating between crying,
whinning and shouting sya. The others complained
the next day.Luckily there were some who
were quick to remind those who were complaining
na special child si Joshwa.

Share ko lang natuwa ako kay Joshwa kahapon
pumunta ako sa school nya para makita ko
ang performance nya sa school.

Naaliw ako when he started putting words
together.. CNN, TRUE, RUE, STAY, IBC,
CNN, RP, CATV, RJTV. Napapaghalata
talaga kung ano ang pinapanood nya.
Mahilig kasi sya sa Channel Guide.

Wala lang.. naaliw lang ako kasi very
sharp pala talaga ang memory nya..

More About School..

Di ko nga pala nasabi yung details ng schooling ko.
Im currently taking up Certificate in Education sa
Makati University. Initially inisip ko baduy naman
bakit dun pa pero naisip ko. If I need it, I really
need it so di ako puedeng mamili ng school and the
tuition ain't bad either. PhP 1,600 per semester
lahat na yun.

Tapos I discovered na lahat pala ng magiging
teachers ko may PHD. Not bad naman pala.

Ngayon ang hassle na lang sa akin ang
mag commute ng malayo medyo malayo kasi
ang school kung saan ako nakatira pero
kaunting tiis na lang. 2 Semesters lang naman
ako dun.

Then next year I'll be moving to another
school sa Philippine Normal University to
take up my specialization. (feeling ko mag
doctor ako) . Sabi sa akin I need to get at
least 18 Units ng Education Units kaya eto
na nga ginagawa ko na.

Pasukan Na..

Start na ng classes namin nung Monday.
It felt weird to be called by your real name.
Okay naman pala sya, iniisip ko kasi baka
ma-out of place ako. Pero nung nag start
na di na rin pala ako out of place. Kasi
lahat naman kami andun para mag-aral
at para matuto. Tapos puro research rin
gagawin. Medyo natuwa ako kasi ganun
din ako nung college puro research
ang ginagawa.

Mabait naman yung mga classmates ko.
Mayroon na rin akong naging kaibigan
although sa isang subject ko lang sya
classmate nalaman ko na malapit lang
sya sa akin. Kaya tuwing pag uwi sabay
na lang kami.

Bigla ko ga naisip sana pala noon ko
pa ginawa ito.Pero madaming bagay
sa buhay ko ang ay laging karugtong na
sana noon ko pa ginawa. Wala na akong
magagawa dun eh tapos na yun. Kahit
ano pang gawin ko di ko na mababalik.
Puede ko na lang gawin pag butihan ko
yung ngayon para maging maganda ang
bukas.

Happy Fathers Day!

Happy Fathers Day Philbert



I know sometimes Im guilty of saying that
you are not a good husband. I can never say
that you were not a good father. I couldn't
have asked for a better father for Joshwa
Joshwa is so lucky to have a dad like you.
When I couldn't get up to give him his bottle
in the middle of the night you did it without
any complaints. You gave him his daily bath
and never said a word of protest.

You always took time out to play with him
and bring him a toy whenever you can.
Joshwa loves you so much and he misses
you so much. Sometimes he looks
for you and it hurts to see him to always
keep saying Daddy and you're not here
to hear that.Im sorry that I'm always
on your case as to when we can join you
I just miss you much and we love you
so much.

Officially A Student

Naka enroll na ako sa wakas.. Nakahanap na ako
ng school na tatanggap sa akin. This may
pave the way for a fresh new start for Joshwa
and me.

Medyo biglaan nga ang pagka enroll
ko kasi tumawag lang ako para
magtanong kung kailan puede mag
enroll for Second Semester. Sabi sa akin
punta ka na ngayon puede ka pa humabol
for 1st Semester. Kaya ayun nagpunta ako
nag exam tapos nagfill out ng forms nagpa
assess the next day nakapag pa enroll na ako

Its our 6th Year Anniversary on Sunday.
Then I heard our song on the radio.
Baduy but we really like this song..
But this is not really like a typical
love song and it actually describes what
I feel at the moment.


Walking After You
by Foo Fighters

Tonight I'm tangled in my
blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just won't do
without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back,
I'm on your back

If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
If you'd accept surrender,
give up some more
Weren't you adored

I cannot be without you,
matter of fact
Ooh I'm on your back
I'm on your back
Ooh I'm on your back
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
Another heart is cracked in two,
I'm on your back Ooh
I cannot be without you, matter of fact

Ooh I'm on your back
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
Another heart is cracked in two,
I'm on your back Ooh

I had a good week no drama of any sort
happening in my life. Except that some of
my plans are again on hold. I cant go back to
school just yet although I want to but something
tells me that this isn't the right time.

Im trying to fix Joshwa's transfer to a new school
I just found out that PGH has a SPED School and
that's where I want to move Joshwa.
Kasi I know magagaling ang hahawak na doctors
and specialists sa kanya. So tomorrow aga kami
punta around 6am sana magising ako para
maaga.I've heard horror stories kung gaano
kahaba ang pila sa Out Patient Department nila.

Going to PGH and passing through Ward 9
the primary beneficiary of Give a Life
was a HUGE HUGE reality check for me
kasi I used to look at other kids say to myself
if only Joshwa wasn't like this he would be like
that. Pero nung pumunta ako dun parang sinasabi
sa akin na would you rather that Joshwa be able
to be" normal" and yet be confined here.

I heard a sermon that really struck me about
always wanting what we have and always looking
through other people's fences. Thats something that
I want to change. Joshwa is what he is and
I've learned to accept that kaya lang I guess
those are the moments of weakness for me.

Kuento Kuwento

I read somewhere na okay na browser ang firefox
Syempre hanap naman ako sa Limewire
para mag download. Tapos nung nakita na
gawa sya ng Mozilla. Meron pala ako nun.
Tanga ko talaga.. Saka its just similar to the
Netscape Navigator.


I've been okay lately.The depression is
under control siguro kasi I've been going
to church and I've been attending my
cell group meetings. Di ko alam kung ano
ang connection nun pero malaki talaga
naitulong sa akin.

On another note Mama and Papa will be
going to the US in December. Iwan muna
kami ni Joshwa. Although nalungkot ako
naintindihan ko rin naman kung bakit.
I plan to go on a vacation with Josh iniisip ko
pa kung saan. Kung sa Boracay or Sa Dipolog
and Dumaguete. Kung may pera ako we
just might do both. Either way we will really
go I dont want to stay here na wala sila.
Neither do I want to spend the holidays with
my In Law's. If worse comes to worse at di talaga
makaalis check in na lang kami sa hotel ni Joshwa.

I've seen In Good Company last night
for some reason di ako masaya dun sa
movie. Ewan ko ba di pa rin ako maka get over
na di lahat ng movie eh magkakatuluyan.
(sorry kung spoiler)

Someone sent this to me i think this is
worth reading

Reflections of a Mom...
Author: Anonymous

I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.
I can teach you things,
but I cannot make you learn.
I can give you directions,
but I cannot be there to lead you.
I can allow you freedom
, but I cannot account for it.
I can share my faith with you,
but I cannot make you believe.
I can teach you right from wrong,
but I cannot always decide for you.

I can buy you beautiful clothes,
but I cannot make you beautiful inside.
I can offer you advice,
but I cannot accept it for you.
I can give you love,
but I cannot force it upon you.
I can teach you to share,
but I cannot make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect,
but I cannot force you to show honor.
I can advise you about friends,
but cannot choose them for you.
I can advise you about sex,
but I cannot keep you pure.
I can tell you the facts of life,
but I can't build your reputation.
I can tell you about alcohol,
but I can't say "no" for you.
I can warn you about drugs,
but I can't prevent you from using them.

I can tell you about lofty goals,
but I can't achieve them for you.
I can teach you about kindness,
but I can't force you to be gracious.
I can warn you about sins,
but I cannot make you moral.
I can love you as a child,
but I cannot place you in God's family.
I can pray for you,
but I cannot make you walk with God.
I can teach you about Jesus,
but I cannot make Jesus your Lord.
I can tell you how to live,
but I cannot give you eternal life.

Happy Mother's Day to Everyone maski
yung walang anak kasi I truly believe that
Women are mothers one way or the other.

Someone asked me this questions..
I figured i'd post this on my blog
so that you know how I really am and
how I'm coping. To those of you who
will tell me get over it and post about
something else this is my blog my online
journal my personal space. (enough said)

How are you doing without Philbert?

When people usually ask me that question
I always have the "safe" answer, I tell them
I'm okay.. I'm fine. I'll tell you the truth I'm
lonely, alone,miserable and my depression is
creeping up on me. I know I shouldnt be but
I cant help it. He's , soulmate and my bestfriend
and now he's not here I feel so alone.

How's Joshwa?
Joshwa is okay.We will try medication
soon as soon I can afford it I will try it.
Unfortunately, he doesnt ask for his dad
anymore usually when someone is at the door
he would shout and smile and say Didi!!
(short for daddy) but now its not
there anymore.


How in the world are you coping
when you're by yourself?

Im failing miserably.. I mean in all honesty
I'm not doing great at all things have been
going so bad with me and Im having problems
financially sometimes my dad would say
that he made a mistake nung pinauwi nya
pa ako dito.Which I also think so too..
But kung di naman ko umuwi paano naman
si Joshwa I wouldn't want to leave him here.
What kind would a mother would I be If
I just didnt go back for him. I cant judge
other moms who could do that but I can't.
I can never live with myself kung di na ako
bumalik for him.

Are you ok?
Im not i miss him so much
as in everyday i think about him and I worry
about him kung okay ba sya or ano na ba
nangyayari sa kanya. Bago ako umuwi he asked
me to stay with him kasi di daw nya kaya na wala
ako pero like what I said I had to make that very
difficult decision.I know the bible would said
unahin ko husband ko pero I felt na mas
kailangan naman ako ni Joshwa.
Philbert needs me too but Joshwa needed
me more. Sometimes I get mad that people
would say buti pa si Philbert asa abroad na
I just smile and not say anything at them
pero sa totoo lang sometimes I cant take it
anymore gusto ko na lang umuwi sya.
I also hate the way his mom flaunts it
na she's so sad na andun na si Philbert
I know she's proud. Pero iniisip ko bakit
ako lang malungkot na wala sya bakit sila
kunwari lang malungkot pero masaya sila
na malayo sya kasi iniisip nila makakatulong
na kami financially sa kanila.
In my mothers in laws case totoo ito I
know her too well. I know that if i tell him
to go home he will but I dont want him to
resent me na pinauwi ko sya dito.
Ano ba meron dito sa Philippines
Palubog na eh.

What have you been up to?

Im still working for my dad, trying to figure
out the bio-medical intervention aspect for
Joshwa and still scrapbooking.
Scrapbooking is really my passion it
was a great outlet for me. It brought out
something in me that I never really knew I had.

How is Philbert doing?

Philbert is great,, He found a job that he wanted
He is now working for a Auto Supply Parts
Company as a computer technician.
He recently bought a car and enjoys the American Life.


Are you able to join him soon....or do you want to?

Im not sure about joining him soon.
Im going to try my best to apply for a
visa in September. If ma deny okay lang at
least I tried if ma approve that would be really
great. I want to see him and be with him.
Im ready na to let go of my life and everything
here makasama ko lang sya.
I dont know how long I can take to be
apart from him. This has been so hard for me.

Nobody has really asked me that kung okay
lang ba or kung how am I coping.
They all ask me kung kumusta na si Philbert
pero no one really asked kung kumusta na ako.
I know that's a selfish question or statement.
Pero Im really going through a tough time right now.

Please pray for me that i can get through this..
We usually fight and argue a lot and I suddenly
miss that.

Im excited about the next approach to
Joshwa's therapy. We're going to do the
Bio-Medical Approach.

I found 2 other parents and we will be doing
chelation together.

Here are some bits and pieces of my research.

What is Chelation?Chelation
(pronounced key-LAY-shun) is a term
derived from the Greek chele, meaning "claw."
A chelation agent is a chemical agent that, like a
claw, grabs and chemically bonds with metals or
other minerals and toxins. Simply put, chelation
is the process in which chemicals bind with minerals.
While chelation is a naturally occurring biological
process (hemoglobin binds with iron to provide
oxygen to tissues), synthesized chelation agents
were first developed during World War II as a
way to clear toxic metals from the body.

Chemists discovered they could create a
heterocycling ring of molecules which surround
or "sequester" mineral molecules and carry them
from the body through normal elimination.

This process of chelation actually removes
unwanted metals from the bloodstream.
In fact, chelation therapy is the only way
to treat lead poisoning. But lead is not the
only metal cleansed from the body through
chelation. A chelation agent will also bind with
most metals, mineral deposits, calcium-based
plaques and other chemical toxins.

I believe that my son has been mercury
poisoned. Syempre iisipin nyo naghahanap
lang ako ng sisisihin. According to research
a mother who has Amalgam filling can
pass on the mercury to her unborn child.
Of course you will think its just a
coincidence but in our egroup of
80 parents all of the mothers have
amalgam fillings.

Plus the fact that the child will have
vaccinations will of course bring more
mercury to the child's body. The nail
that will seal the coffin is the MMR
because it weakens the immune system.

Since the figures of kids afflicted with Autism
were escalating. There was a research that
was done here in Tagum, Davao City.
They went to a hospital near Compostella
Valley near the mining site because there
were large amounts of mercury there.
They studied the cord and meconium
of newborns.. There was one batch that
had no mercury in the cord but it was
found in the meconium. But there
was another batch that had mercury on the
cord but not on the meconium. Which
means that the child could not
excrete the mercury it was deposited
on the brain.


This findings are all scientific..
I dont mean to scare anyone neither
do I want to look for an excuse.
I just refuse to accept the fact that
this is it for Joshwa he deserves a
fighting chance. I owe it to my child
to try everything so that I could help
him. If chelation is not the answer
then I'll move on to the next one.

I thank God that he sent me angels
that will go through the journey with me.

Okay na ako

I decided to shift my focus on to other
things. As my dear friend once told me
you can't be depressed all the time.

I know I really need to learn how
to refocus my attention and my
energy. I can't waste my time whinning
and crying about things that I can't control.

I miss Philbert I really do.
But there's nothing I can't do but wait.
We made that choice together for him
to stay behind and try to see if It
will work out.

Nakakapagod na pala maging malungkot.
Nakakapagod maging takot sa hinaharap
Nakakapagod pag madaming dinadala.

So I will try to be more proactive.
Im going back to school to get some
units. I volunteered to take on
two new projects and on top of that
A friend and I decided to form a small
business. Hopefully this will work out
if it doesn't then we will learn from
our mistakes and move on.

That's what life is all about.
Take what you can and learn from it
and if you can't then leave it behind
because someone might use it and in
life we have to learn to travel light.

The Wedding Date

I decided to leave work early to watch a movie
alone and I chose to watch The Wedding Date.
Thanks to Leah for calling my attention..It
was not my intention to post something
without crediting those who wrote it.


The Wedding Date: A Movie Review
http://movies.yahoo.com/



This movie was a fairly typical romantic comedy,
though at times it packed some great plot punches.
The acting wasn't superb. Dermot Mulroney's
character and other supporting actors characters
were, at times, overdone. The cast's saving Grace
was Debra Messing, who played her character
exceedingly well. Direction could've been done by
anyone. Don't get me wrong-- It wasn't bad.
It's just okay.

The visuals were good. I'm a sucker for English
scenery, and what can I say? If you took a video
recorder out into the middle of England, its so
beautiful.

The thing about this movie is, if you like often
predictable romantic comedies, and those are the
types of movies that leave you warm and fuzzy
when you get up from your seat, then it's a
worthwhile movie. If you're a cynic who wants to
see "true love" and "true life" represented, sorry--
not happening. Overall, I enjoyed the movie
and felt it was entertaining.

Johnny Depp stand aside, Brad Pitt move away...
Dermont is here. Not only was the leading man in
this film amazing(along with a few other cast
members), but the story is one that leaves
you coming out of the theater in a happy mood
and wanting to go see it again. It combines the
perfect amount of humour, passion/love, and
"happiness." This movie is one that you
definitely should go and see!

Lately, Im just feeling so down
as in super. Miss ko na talaga asawa ko.
Maybe i'm not meant for this long
distance thing. May mga araw na
ayoko na talaga di ko na kaya.
Like this past few days i feel myself
in a total slump. I couldnt even
focus my energy on anything else.
I keep asking myself up to when
ba itong dusa na ito? I couldn't function
properly. I know nahihirapan din sya
pero di na lang nya sinasabi sa akin.
He always tells me na he's doing good.
I guess I should be happy na okay sya
pero bakit ako hindi?

I know at the back of my mind this
is for the greater good. Pero I miss the
hugs, the laughs, the fights and just
being near him. I miss my best friend.
Till I see him again I dont know if
I'll ever be the same again.

I used to hate it na may mga tao na laging sinasabi
na in the States ganito at ganyan at dito ganito
pa rin.Then nung bumalik ako dito ganito na rin
ako. Pero since concious nga ako sa ganyan.
I try na hindi gawin. Baka kasi mali na naman
ang dating sa iba eh. Ibang impression ang makuha
nila.


Speaking of impressions.. I know I wrote a letter
asking for help para kay Joshwa. Pinadalhan ko yung
Autism Society of the Philippines ng Letter.
You know what I received nothing but ridicule
behind my back. Aba eh imbes na tulungan ako eh
wala lang na chismiss pa ako. Tipong ano pa daw
ba nirereklamo ko kaya ko naman magbayad.
I have yet to talk to them but I will.. I really will..

Wala naiinis lang ako. Im just feeling so low lately
miss ko na kasi si Philbert eh. Its been too long since
I've seen him..

Orange Chicken (Panda Express)

I totally love this.. Once lang ako nakatikim
pero super sarap talaga nya..


Panda Express Orange Chicken

· 2 pounds boneless chicken pieces
· 1 egg
· 1 1/2 teaspoon salt
· White pepper
· Oil
· 1/2 cup plus 1 tbsp cornstarch
· 1/4 cup flour
· 1 tablespoon minced ginger root
· 1 teaspoon minced garlic
· 1 dash crushed hot red chilies
· 1/4 cup chopped green onions
· 1 tablespoon rice wine
· 1/4 cup water
· 1 teaspoon sesame oil

Orange Sauce for Stir Fry

2 teaspoons minced zest
1/4 cup juice from 1 large orange
1/2 teaspoon granulated sugar
2 tablespoons chicken stock
1 tablespoon light soy sauce

Cut chicken pieces in 2-inch squares and place in
large bowl. Stir in egg, salt, pepper, and
1 tablespoon oil and mix well.

Stir cornstarch and flour together.
Add chicken pieces, stirring to coat.
Heat oil for deep-frying in wok or
deep-fryer to 375 degrees F.

Add chicken pieces, a small batch at time,
and fry 3 to 4 minutes or until golden and crisp.
(Do not overcook or chicken will be tough.)
Remove chicken from oil with slotted spoon
and drain on paper towels. Set aside.

Clean wok and heat 15 seconds over high heat.
Add 1 tablespoon oil. Add ginger and garlic and
stir-fry until fragrant. Add and stir-fry crushed
chiles and green onions.

Add rice wine and stir 3 seconds.
Add Orange Sauce and bring to boil.
Add cooked chicken, stirring until well mixed.
Stir water into remaining 1 tablespoon cornstarch
until smooth. Add to chicken and heat until sauce is thick.
Stir in 1 teaspoon sesame oil.

No Cellphone.. Not Good

Initially akala ko I could live without a cellphone.
Inisip ko kasi Im getting too attached to it tipong
di na ako mabuhay ng wala sya. Kaya nung nagka
problem cell phone ko dumating sa point
na kailangan ko sya palitan nagkataon wala pa sya
sa budget ko.. I simply welcomed the idea na di
muna mag cell phone.

It was okay for the first few months.
Then I started having problems. I couldnt go out
with my friends without finding out where we would
meet. Di sila makalipat ng lugar nang wala ako.
Which is sometimes nakakahiya kasi minsan gutom
na sila kailangan pa nila talaga ako hintayin
before magdecide kung saan talaga kakain.

Some friends are telling me na they texted me
asking for directions and they thought na snub
ako kasi di ako sumasagot.

This is the final blow na. My bestfriend got married
and I wasnt there. She was texting me asking for
my address and I didnt respond akala nya nagalit
ako kasi ayoko dun sa pinakasalan nya.


Im going to get a cellphone soon. So I could be
connected again and prevent these kinds of hassles.

I also thought that cell phone is just luho pero
I realized need na pala ito.

I really love this song.. Luma na sya
pero it still has the same effect on me.
Miss ko na talaga si Philbert.


Angel of Mine
by Monica

When I first saw you, I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of mine
I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say, the best things are free
I'm gonna love you boy, you are so fine
Angel of mine
How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow

[chorus]

You came into my life, sent straight from above
When I lost all hope, you showed me love
I'm checkin' for you boy, you're right on time
Angel of mine
Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world could ever compare
Last night, the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine
What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside, I need to show

[chorus]
You came into my life sent straight
from above (sent from above)
When I lost all hope, you showed me love
(boy you showed me love)
I'm checkin' for you, boy you're
right on time (right on time)
Angel of mine (angel of mine)
I never knew I could feel each moment
As if they were new
Every breath that I take, the love that we make
I only share it with you, you, you, you, you
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine

[chorus]
You came into my life sent straight
from above (came in to my life, yeah)
When I lost all hope you showed me love
(boy you showed me love, uh huh)
I'm checkin' for you, boy you're right
on time (but boy your right on time)
Angel of mine (angel of mine, oh mine)
How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now you helped me grow
I look at you, looking at me
Now I know why they say, the best things are free
I'm checkin' for you, boy you're right on time
Angel of mine

Just a short note..Just wanted to let everyone
know that may work na si Philbert.
God is indeed good. I hope that this works
out na.Sana rin ma petition na sya.
Please continue to pray for us..

Some news

Ibabalik na namin si Andie sa family ng Mama nya.
I know nakakagulat kasi mahal namin sya and we
want her to be with us. So what's the problem?

Problema kasi is yung nanay nya although she
signed the waiver na. She has to be here naman
to testify in court that she gave Andie to us
out of her own free will. She's not willing to appear
in court . Aside from the fact that she's
out of the country ayaw daw nya mag appear in court.

If we declare her as abandoned naman we have to
wait 5 years para madeclare that the mom did
abandon her. Pero if magpakita nanay nya within
the 5 year waiting period.All that waiting will
amount to nothing.

I cant wait that long not at Joshwa's expense.
We need to migrate so that Joshwa will have
the best intervention that he cannot have
here. So maski masakit man sa loob ko kasi
napamahal na talaga sya sa akin. I have to
do it habang maaga pa. I dont want to wait
til its super painful for me to let her go.

Saka when she talked to my dad sabi nya
iiwan lang daw nya sa akin kukunin din daw.
Iyun pa isang kinakainis ko kasi ang gulo nya
iba iba sinasabi. So ang lagay nun gagawin
nya akong day care center. I hope that
Andie will grow up to be a smart woman.
I hope that she will be raised in the way
that I want to but I couldn't. Be loved like
the way I will always love her and hold
her in my heart.