Monday, January 31, 2005


My Dilemma is should Philbert go home
or stay in the US. Ang hirap magdecide
kung uuwi ba sya o hindi. Kasi he left it
up to me. Sabi nya I tell him when I want
him to come home na. I want him to
come home.
I made a list of the PRO's and CON's .

Here are the PRO's if he stays there

  • We could have a better future
  • We could afford to send our kids to a good school
  • There is a chance that we could go there to be with him

Here are the CONS if he stays there:

  • The kids could grow up without a father
  • There is a chance that It might take awhile before the kids can see him again
  • The family won't be together for a long time.
  • It might take awhile for everything to be finished here
Here are the PRO's if he goes home:

  • We can be together as a family
  • My kids will be so happy to see him and I will be too.

Here are the Cons naman if he goes home:

  • He will have to look for another job since he quit his job here
  • Everything will think that I'm stupid coz I asked him to go home.
  • We'll be struggling again

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Lucy Torres

I read about the Lucy Torres rumor
and to me that's all that it is a rumor.
I don't think it was ever really
confirmed. They say that they
have the tapes to prove it .
Sana nilabas na lang nila para matapos na.

I truly believe her. I truly believe
in her innocence. Feeling ko nga parang
ako lang yata naniniwala sa kanya.
But I do. Kasi kahit sino tanungin ko
they think she did it. They all hate her
they think that she's perfect. I really don't
understand that. Parang natutuwa
yung tao na puede din pala sya magkamali na
she's just like the rest of us.
I'm sure that she is just like
the rest of us. Kaya nga lang
she's married to Richard Gomez.

Im posting the Article of Lucy para naman
you can also read what she has to say

The shoplifting rumors
LOVE LUCY By Lucy Gomez
The Philippine STAR 01/30/2005

Over the weekend, I received an e-mail from Rizza,
my friend in Cebu. She forwarded me something she
received in her inbox, a story that was all about me.
It was entitled "Si Lucy naman" and I am sharing it
with you in full. Three separate e-mails were sent by
a Katherine, Lorraine and Raphael and they
forwarded it to no fewer than 33 e-mail addresses.
(By the way, I know their full names, e-mail
addresses and all the people they had forwarded
their messages to.) Please go through it first before
you go on reading the rest of my article.

Subject: Si Lucy na naman!
Narinig ko na itong story na ito shocking!
Now she shops daw with bodyguards following
her just to make sure na walang kukunin,
or kung meron man, binabalik na lang nila.
Nobody’s perfect talaga

Re: Fw: Tsismis naman tayo...
Si Lucy (asawa ni Richard),
nagsa-shopping sa Rustan’s. Tapos maya-maya,
nilapitan nung manager. Eto ang dialogue:
Manager: Ma’am, can we check your bag?
Lucy: No, this is my bag. It’s private property.
You don’t have the right to inspect it just
because you feel like it.
Manager: Actually, ma’am, since you’re on
our premises, we have every right to inspect it.
Bumigay na rin finally si Lucy.
At may nakitang perfume or wallet or watch
or something, di ko na maalala, dun sa bag niya.
Tapos tumawag yung manager kay Richard Gomez
at ibinalita na "Sir, we caught your wife shoplifting."
At ang sagot ni Richard ay buntong-hininga, sabay,
"Shoplifting? Again?" So pinagbayad lang naman ang
mag-asawa, pero hindi na ginawan ng storya. At yan
daw ang dahilan kung bakit medyo mabait si
Richard Gomez sa ABS-CBN ngayon. Kasi ABS owns
Rustan’s or they have a relationship or something
(I really don’t pay attention all that well, hehe),
so kapag napikon ang ABS kay Richard Gomez
, pwede nila ilabas yung surveillance tape of Lucy
bagging the...umm, something. Ayos, we have
our very own Winona Ryder! =)
Client ko ang ABS-CBN and nakwento na rin
nila eto sa min. Take note, reliable ang source
ko kasi somebody from the top management
etong kausap namin. Klepto nga daw si Lucy.
Sayang ‘no?! She’s beautiful pa naman, wala
talagang perpektong tao.

I wrote about this very same rumor on June 6, 2004.
If you read that, you probably remember my writing
that I would always choose to count my blessings
rather than dwell on something as mean as that.
And I meant it sincerely. It may not have been easy
turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to a nasty story
but that was how I chose to fight the battle at that
time. Why dignify it with an answer? Why even
try to explain and convince people that
it simply did not happen?

Let it be said that I was hoping it would die a
natural death, as I was sure it would.
I was banking on how baseless it was anyway.
I had never been fond of fanfare and gimmickry
and the last thing I wanted to do was call attention
to myself.

I do not seek publicity and I definitely am not one
of those who believe that publicity, good or bad,
is still publicity. Perhaps the main reason
I did not acknowledge the rumor specifically
then was because I felt that by doing so, I would
only succeed in spreading it some more.

Kris Aquino, who was the first to inform me,
tried to persuade me to stare it in the face,
so to speak, not by writing about it reservedly
(as I admit I did) but by bravely acknowledgin
g it in addition to exploring my legal options.
The one thing she told me that continuously
reverberates in my mind until now is that
"An urban myth, when perpetuated,
will soon become a legend."
And Kris was right all along. Not only was the
rumor perpetuated, it even became more
maliciously embellished along the way to
make it appear even more true.
I never realized people could be so mean.

Given the circumstances now, there is no reason
why I should be coy about it. It has spread far and
wide and by coming out to talk about it openly
I am, in a way, also acknowledging the severity of
the issue and coming to terms with what it actually
is: Pure character assassination. The only difference
then and now is that what was initially talked about
in whispers and hidden behind guessing games and
blind items is now declared. And all fingers are quick
to point at me.

There seems to be a concerted effort to hurt and
crush me, for what reason I really don’t know.
Perhaps I may never find out. All I know is that
although it is hurtful, offensive, and frustrating
all at the same time, this is not the kind of thing
that will kill my spirit.

Over the past few months, the same rumor that
started as a blind item in The Manila Standard
has grown incredibly by leaps and bounds and
the original story bloomed and grew to include
specifics. Whereas it started with me supposedly
shoplifting a Bulgari watch at Rustan’s, it also went
on to include shoplifting sprees at Tiffany
(still at Rustan’s). And if you go back to the e-mail
on this page, I apparently was also found
with a wallet and perfume. Dead on,
caught in the act. Why a wallet and perfume?
Are those not affordable?

The story goes on. Apparently, talk has it that
I shoplift not because I want to but because I need to.
The story, whatever the version, ultimately concludes
that I am a kleptomaniac, that my husband has
checked me into rehab for this behavioral disorder,
and that there was a conscious attempt on our
part to whitewash the whole incident.
If stories are to be believed, Richard
even paid off Rustan’s a handsome sum just so they
will keep the whole thing away from the prying eyes
of media and cover up the real story.

All this talk started to travel through the grapevine
in January 2004. It has been a year since.
Sadly for me, it has not died down.

My friend Mons was in a gathering and this
shoplifting story came up. Mons came to my defense
by saying that there was no truth to it, that she even
got to talk to the manager of Rustan’s –
even the owners themselves – all of whom denied
the supposed incident. She finally decided to rest her
case when she realized that although the people she w
as with acknowledged that it most probably was not
true, they still would rather believe that it was.
How else could you make heads or tails about some
of the things said in that gathering? "
It’s probably not true, but hayaan mo na.
At least it is nice knowing that Lucy is not perfect,
and that God is fair, after all." Another one added, "
Of course, she will deny she is a klepto. I
t is a disease and Lucy herself is not aware that
she is afflicted with it.

" Another friend of mine was at the parlor
where two well-dressed matrons were passing
off the story as Bible truth to whoever cared
enough to hear. "It is such a comfort knowing that
Lucy actually has a defect. Poor thing. But at least
no one is perfect pala talaga.

" Mayor JV Ejercito was at a gathering
and an ABS-CBN newscaster reportedly told JV:
"Mayor, alam mo ba that Lucy is a klepto?"

Many different people have also told me that a
relative of the owners of Rustan’s has been
confirming to people that the incident really
did happen. It makes people believe because
she is, after all, married to a Tantoco.
And Rustan’s is owned by the Tantocos.
A good friend of hers though came to her defense
and said that in fairness, whenever she is asked
she just chooses to neither deny nor confirm anything.
And that probably they just take her silence as a
confirmation and assume that it really is true.
Otherwise daw, how difficult can it be to say it isn’t so?

My friend who gets treatments at Marie France,
Makati, took me out to lunch before the holidays,
oblivious that I already heard that rumor as far
back as January of last year. It wasn’t until we
were almost about to start dessert that she really
took on a serious, somber tone. She finally said
that she was gathering enough guts to tell me that
her Marie France attendants were discussing
what a sad thing it was for someone like me to
turn out to be a klepto. My friend said that it wasn’t
true but the two therapists insisted that it really
was because earlier, they had serviced
two Rustan’s executives who told them
that they would actually be nervous whenever
I walk through the doors of Rustan’s because
they knew I would again be shoplifting.
Oh yes, and that these executives had
everything on tape, too.

Speaking of surveillance tapes, Karen Davila
supposedly has it in her possession and that
the station she belongs to is just waiting for
the right time to air it. Although I already
know what Karen has to say about it
(Richard was able to speak to her and
told her that if they really had a tape
to please go ahead and show it ASAP.
Perhaps doing so would really clear
the air and solve the mystery,
if you can call it that.) I am not in the
position to share with you what they
talked about. It’s best that it comes
straight from Karen’s mouth.
Suffice it to say that Karen
has denied commenting on it
on her radio program , denied too that
she was given the Rustan’s surveillance tape.

Ek Channel, a showbiz-oriented talk show that airs
every Saturday afternoon on ABS-CBN, featured
re-enacted segments for two consecutive Saturdays
detailing the crime I supposedly committed.
Although these were blind items on both occasions,
the clues they gave out apparently sounded enough
like me to make people I knew who happened to be
watching call and say that I was being maliciously
referred to. After the airing, a source from the station
told me that although they admittedly really had no
proof, the people behind the show still chose to air
the segments because it made for good copy.

In contrast, The Buzz (still an ABS-CBN show)
never touched on the topic. Kris, bless her,
was decent enough to fight for a factual approach
over and above a malicious gossipy one that was
purely based on hearsay. She told the people on her
show, most of whom insisted that there
really was a Rustan’s surveillance tape catching me
red-handed, that although she knew for a fact that
there was no truth to it she will go ahead and run the
story if and only if the show’s staff could produce the
tape to support their claim.

No one could produce a tape. No story was run.
And I have Kris to thank for that. What is even
more touching is that she did that on her own,
and I just found out about it by chance much,
much later.

Other friends of mine who were vacationing in the
States got wind of the rumor while they were there.
At a gathering, a gay employee from Rustan’s
was announcing to one and all that I was caught
shoplifting, and that all the employees from the
department store were called to a meeting and
informed of the incident. Then he delightedly
laughed and said "Ang saya, saya, hindi pala
talaga siya perfect. She really cannot have it all!
God is good!"

I lead a very normal life, I hardly ever go out,
and that is probably not dramatic enough for others.
That is probably why they have to spice it up by
concocting incredible incidents. I feel no need to
enumerate the reasons why the shoplifter they
created in their minds could not be me.
I don’t have to explain myself. My conscience
is clear and I know that all this will pass,
eventually. Maybe not anytime now,
not anytime soon. But it will – that much I believe.

If at all, what I really find hurtful about all
this is that there actually are people who
would happily embrace an untruth just to
make them feel better about their own lives.
Must you fault me for having what you think
is a perfect life? I never passed myself off as
perfect, neither did I ever rub on anyone’s face
that I lead a perfect life. Not that it should matter,
really, but I do not have a perfect life.
I do, however , have a very happy one,
but it is not without its share
of heartaches. Is that fair enough for you?
Happiness, more than being a choice,
is a blessing I enjoy. Must I be punished
and hated for that?

All that said, I dare those who claim to have
the Rustan’s surveillance tape to send it to
media. Make hundreds of copies, if you want,
and send them all out. If, for some reason,
you conveniently " lost" the tape,
present your witnesses – all those people you
know who strongly allege that they know for
a fact that I did it, or that they were actually
there when I did it.

Don’t just say "basta, a reliable source told me…"
Name your reliable source. Field them to the
tri-media. I’m sure the showbiz talk shows
will be more than happy to interview them
live on their show. And please do it soon.
Maybe then we will really get to the bottom
of this and find out the truth.
Play this game fairly. You accuse me –
now support your claim with facts,
not just with hearsay. Most of you probably
just heard about it from a friend
who in turn also just heard it from
a friend’s friend but by perpetuating
the rumor, you, too, share in the lie.

The world is round, what goes around
does come around and I have seen that
happen enough times to appreciate it as
a fact of life. Meanwhile, I anchor my
strength, as always, on a God greater
than even the nastiest rumor
that could ever be said about me.
There lies my peace of mind. And at the
end of each day,I sleep well knowing
that I have wronged no one,
stepped on no one. I really hope
you can say the same for yourself.

Life may not be fair, but God is.

Monday, January 24, 2005

ME: A Student???

I went out with my parents yesterday for breakfast.
While eating my mom has suddenly brought
up the idea that I should go back to school to
become a Special Education teacher. Parang
nasamid nga ako nung sinabi nya kasi I never
really thought of myself as a teacher.

Kasi parang di ako creative daanin ko na
lang sa tyaga. Saka reklamo ako reklamo about
how expensive it is to send my child to a
Special School. Baka this can be a challenge to
find out kung kaya ko ba and how far.
Malay nyo ako na lang magtuturo sa kanya.

So para di na talaga sya plano na lang,
I decided to do something about it so
nag inquire na ako. I wanted to try UP
kaya lang grades daw tinitignan.
So di na lang dun.. May isa akong school
napagtanungan well I hope this goes well
Kasi pag pumalpak lagot ako kasi ako
magbabayad tuition ko.

I also enrolled myself in a non degree course sa
UP Open University para masabi ko sa sarili
at sa mga anak ko na at one time nag aral din ako sa
University of the Philippines
The title of the course is
Sana matuloy na itong mga plano ko..
Kung matutuloy ito God will provide
the provisions and the way for me to do so.
Kung hindi naman maybe di pa ngayon ang time.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Prayer for Propsperity

Someone sent me this email.. Iniisip ko baka lang makatulong sya..

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God
I pray to you that you abundantly bless my family
and me. I know that you recognize, that a family
is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother,
husband and wife, but all who believe and trust in you.

Father, I send up a prayer request for financial
blessing I know that that the power of joined prayer
by those who believe and trust in you is more
powerful than anything. I thank you in advance
for your blessings.

Father God,deliver us from debt and debt burdens.
Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a good
steward over all that You have given me

Father, for I know how wonderful and mighty
you are and how if we just obey you and walk in
your word and have the faith of a mustard seed
that you will pour out blessings.

I thank you now Lord for the recent blessings
I have received and for the blessings yet to come
because I know you are not done with me yet.
In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

Sumbong ng Isang Mommy

Maraming adventures si Joshwa lately
like naka-akyat sa bubong namin.
Nalingat ang bagong yaya at nakalabas
ng bubong buti na lang di nahulog. ..
We had to let the yaya go nung nag paalam
sya coz that was the second
accident nung sya ang nagbabantay.
The 1st one naiwan nya bukas ang
door nakalabas si Joshwa muntik na masagasaan
buti na lang nahawakan sya.

Joshwa will be going to school in June
sa Odea International School (pangalan lan yan
di talaga sya presyong International School)
Mas mahal pa ata ng 10k kung sakaling gawin
kong whole day ang ABA( applied behavioral
analysis behavior modification program)
kaya dun na lang kami uli 3x a week na ABA
plus school and OT & Speech pagdating ng June.

I have been feeling so guilty that I could
only afford to pay for the
OT and Speech and nothing else.
Sa sobrang di na kami makabayad
binitawan na kami ng ABA nya.
I understand and hold no grudge
against the center kasi negosyo yan eh.
Very lucrative ang business ng special kids.
( di ako sarcastic totoo ito)

Things have been hard for us lately as
far as finances are concerned.
Umalis ang husband ko papuntang
US para mag work. So hopefully by
June makaka enroll na si Joshwa.
Please help me pray for my husband
na maging okay sya US. Kasi in all honesty di
namin ma-afford ang services ng therapy centers
and help for my son kung walang money.

The foundation that I want Joshwa to get into is
BMAC ( Behavioral Management
for Autistic Children).Pero suerte lang ang
nakakapasok. 1 1/2 years na kaming waitlisted
tapos nag pa assess na si Joshwa sa kanila nung
November. Ang feedback na narinig ko ay parang
gusto nung Directress na i-pasok sa program
si Joshwa dun sa 15k a month (which is the lowest
the highest is at 60k a month) Kaya ko yan kung
sa kalsada kami nakatira at di kami kakain.
In all honesty di ko talaga kaya sya bayaran.
Kung kaya lang namin why would
we go through all that trouble of completing the
requirements at the expense of my son and the
help that he could get?

Im just a frustrated mom. I want all of what's
best for my son. It's hard to have a special child.
Ang hirap sa kalooban ng isang nanay na nakikita
mo nahihirapan ang anak mo tapos wala kang
magawa. Lalo na pag may masakit sa kanya kasi
di na nya masabi kung saan talaga masakit.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Happy Birthday Joshwa!

Happy Birthday to my dearest baby Joshwa. It's been 4 years since you were born.. I keep thinking were has the time gone my baby is such a big boy? . We celebrated your birthday in a different way. I initially wanted to have a party but we had to attend a family reunion on January 15. Your Inay suggested that why not celebrate your birthday at their home in Jala-jala Rizal. It was fun a lot of people came to greet you a Happy Birthday. Your Inay prepared a sumptous lunch, Tita Beth & Tito JR bought cake and ice cream.

Only one person was missing your daddy. . I miss your dad so much.. I'm sure he would have wanted to be here to watch you blow out your candle. Daddy misses us so much and he stayed in the United States because he wanted to give you a good future. He wants to send you to a good school that will help you but we couldn't afford to send you there if Daddy was here. He loves us so much that he was willing to make that sacrifice.

I don't want you to forget that you have a Daddy who loves you and always thinks about you. My only wish is that we would be with Daddy..I don't know when or how.. Whether we will go there or daddy will come home. I know in my heart that day will come.

I love you so much Joshwa.. Happy Birthday!!

Friday, January 07, 2005

I know that this is a dramatic and sentimental and mushy entry.. Im just depressed because I miss my husband so much.

We both decided it would be best if he stayed behind in the US to test the waters. I don't know if I'll ever get used to the idea that he's not here anymore. I miss him so much. I feel this void in my heart and this lump in my throat. I feel like such a crazy person always crying. I couldn’t even stand to look at our photos or his clothes. I know I’ll start crying again. Some might say well he's not dead yet.. Well that's true also basta I just miss him so much..

This was the hardest thing that I’ve had to do. It took every ounce of self control not to tell him that I don’t think I can do it. I know that If I do tell him that I can’t do it. He would definitely go home with me. I love him so much that I want to try to let him go despite the pain that I’m feeling right now.I know they all tell me that I’ll get used to it. How do I get used to the fact that he isn’t there? This pain that I feel won’t go away.

I’m really trying my best to be strong and keep things together. It’s tough.. really rough.. I know people are so happy that he has decided to try his luck there in the US.. I’m happy that’s he finally decided to try.. But I felt sad because I miss my best friend, my husband, my lover and my worst critic all rolled into one. He is the one person in this whole world who can truly say that he knows me.. .

Before I left I had to make a very difficult decision either to stay with him or go home to be with the kids. I chose to stay with my children.

To those wives out there who are physically separated from their husbands. How do you cope with the loneliness? Does it really get better in time?

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Vacation Highlights

Before Dec. 11 -- cramming for the wedding; trimming wedding special effects: unity candle (here it is in a set of 3--2 small ones and a big one); veil; coin and ring holders; garters and the bridesmaids gown.We rehearsed on the 9th and then dinner.

Dec. 11 -- wedding activities. We were so blessed because the sun came out for 80's temp. Just the week before the temp dropped lowest in the past 80 years in LA. So the briight sunny day was God's gift as we were wearing barong and I was in formal gown and the beautiful bride was in off-shoulder gown. The wedding was at 2 but reception was at 6:30 to give time for newly weds to have photos taken to include the sunset shots. The reception was held at the Castaway overlooking part of LA. Beautiful place! They had to move wedding a week early to get the place and all they can book was the smallest function room with the view. Good thing it had an adjacent terrace. We partied til about 11. It was such fun!

Dec. 14 -- The whole family including newlyweds and my lola (9 of us) headed for the East Coast. We got to SUPER COLD JFK before 9 and home at my Ninang Stella's house to a HEARTY warm dinner. Pig out!

Dec 15--We took Manhattan on the chilly 15th, divide the group between first timers and vets. We went to Empire State Building and The Statue of Liberty.. Then an unplanned dinner at my Aunt's place at the Yonkers.

Dec. 16 -- We left early for DC with a rented van. Got there mid afternoon. We drove around starting off from Capitol Hill and landed between the White House and the monument and took tons of photos. The group had dinner at Tita Flor's family's residence in Virginia. Syempre pa, pig out again. Forget low fat!!! We divided the group between the young and the restful. With the young staying with my new bro-in-law's family friends who were also sponsors to the wedding.

Dec 17--- We went to 2 Museums, Lincoln Memorial and Arlington Cemetery. Then we went to a Chinese Buffet for Dinner.

Dec. 18 -- we headed north to Jersey passing by to visit our dear priest family friend at the Shrine of St. John Neumann in Philly. We had dinner and spent the night in New Jersey at my Ninang Shag's home .. Feasted again. Forget diet altogether!!!

Dec. 19 -- The Good Lord heard our prayers. It SNOWED!!! But not too much, only 3 inches. That allowed our schedule to go as planned. We went to Central Park, Fao Schwarz(sp), Toys R Us, ( grabe may ferris wheel sa loob), Rockefeller Center & Times Square.

Dec. 20 -- Weather was high at 20!!! That's negative in Centrigade. May wind chill factor pa. Kaya effectively negative even in Farenheit! So we had to do most indoors. We started late with a buffet Japanese lunch. Now that was some SUMO meal we had!!! Ang sarap!!! We still decided to visit the Met. Was so excited to see the MET. The dramatic stari climb from the car made me feel like I was appearing in Dr. Zhivago. Got to the door finally very much in need of the heat, until we were told - "Museum closed on Mondays!" Duh!!
Bwiiiiiiiiiiiissseeeeeeeeeeetttt! Anyway, shopping na lang kami around Union Square. Ay mali shopping na lang sila tapos tag along na lang kami ni Philbert.

Dec. 21 -- Back to L.A. It was great to be back there kasi medyo warm ang weather pero just the same I had fun in the East Coast..

Dec 23 -- I've been waiting all my life to go to Disneyland. We were there for 13 hours!!! It got really chilly at night and becasue of the wind, the electrical and fireworks shows were cancelled. Bad trip!!! And to think we waited over 2 hours for that!!! I missed Joshwa and Andie.. Im sure they would really enjoy Disneyland.

Christmas Eve -- Lola, Mama and I prepared Noche Buena dinner at my bro-in-law's house for our family his family and our relatives from Lemon Grove. Then we opened our gifts.

Christmas Day -- We had dinner at My Aunt's family residence and had really fun party. We sang and had lots of wacky games. It was really fun and we ended at 3 a.m.

Dec. 26 - Went to the outlet with Cathy.. It was fun..

Dec 27-- Laundry day

Dec 28-- It was Philbert's 32 nd Birthday.. We just had chinese take out for Lunch. My sister bought Cheescake which was used as his birthday cake during dinner..

Dec 29--Played Pictionary and Cranium all day..

Dec 31-- We went to Tita Baby's house coz it was Ritchie's bday.. ( brother sya ng BIL ko)

Jan 1-- It was time to go home..