I know that this is a dramatic and sentimental and mushy entry.. Im just depressed because I miss my husband so much.
We both decided it would be best if he stayed behind in the US to test the waters. I don't know if I'll ever get used to the idea that he's not here anymore. I miss him so much. I feel this void in my heart and this lump in my throat. I feel like such a crazy person always crying. I couldn’t even stand to look at our photos or his clothes. I know I’ll start crying again. Some might say well he's not dead yet.. Well that's true also basta I just miss him so much..
This was the hardest thing that I’ve had to do. It took every ounce of self control not to tell him that I don’t think I can do it. I know that If I do tell him that I can’t do it. He would definitely go home with me. I love him so much that I want to try to let him go despite the pain that I’m feeling right now.I know they all tell me that I’ll get used to it. How do I get used to the fact that he isn’t there? This pain that I feel won’t go away.
I’m really trying my best to be strong and keep things together. It’s tough.. really rough.. I know people are so happy that he has decided to try his luck there in the US.. I’m happy that’s he finally decided to try.. But I felt sad because I miss my best friend, my husband, my lover and my worst critic all rolled into one. He is the one person in this whole world who can truly say that he knows me.. .
Before I left I had to make a very difficult decision either to stay with him or go home to be with the kids. I chose to stay with my children.
To those wives out there who are physically separated from their husbands. How do you cope with the loneliness? Does it really get better in time?