What A Day!!!

Today was a day like no other. . It was one of the worse mommy days. It's the day where I had to rush to the emergency room to bring my son in for treatment.

Eto ang sequence of events:

It was 8:45 AM Joshwa's yaya just called me..

Bing: Hello , Ate Leirs nasugat si Joshwa.
Leirs: Bakit ano nangyari?
Bing: Ate kasi si Joshwa umakyat sa kuarto tapos nung tinatawag
ko biglang sinarado pinto.
Leirs: O tapos ano nangyari
Bing: Tapos pagsara nya naipit daliri nya ayaw tumigil ng dugo.
Natanggal ata kuko nya.
Leirs: Mag ready na kayo.. Uwi na ako punta na tayo ng Makati Med ngayon na.

I was shaking I could barely walk to the jeepney stop. As soon as I saw his wounded pinky finger dun na talaga sya nag sink in.

Pagdating namin sa emergency room they immediately ushered us inside. I was trying to compose myself pero talagang I was panicking na. . The doctors only had one verdict Joshwa had to be confined. Kasi they wanted to remove the nail. Imagine that it shattered like a broken glass pero nakakabit pa rin sa finger nya. They wanted to remove it baka maging source of infection.

So there I was praying silently na sana wag na sya ma-confine.Eventhough may insurance si Joshwa semi-private lang ang coverage namin. Pero in my heart I know that I have to trust in the will of the Lord. Nahihiya ako sa anak ko na ni wala man lang akong pambayad kung ma hospital sya para upgrade yung room nya.. I know mababaw pero as a mom gusto ko sana the very best para sa anak ko.


Pero still inayos ko pa rin lahat.. Then pagbalik ko sa ER para sunduin ko na si Joshwa dumating na yung orthopedic surgeon nya. Then Lo and Behold he told me na di na kailangan magpaconfine si Joshwa.Apparently, In special kids mahirap daw i-sedate kasi daw di ma predict ang effect. Yung iba daw matagal magising yung iba naman nag wear off agad.

Kaya ayun nilagay ng glue yung kuko nya na naiwan. Para pag tumubo na yung kuko nya itutulak na nya yung patay na kuko palabas. Para di nya magalaw ang ang sugat may bandage ang buong right hand nya.

Masaya lang ako na okay na si Joshwa. Yun lang naman talaga importante di ba?

Da Vinci Code

I just finished reading the The Da Vinci Code and from someone who doesnt really read suspense books.. Here's my review:

It's good, damn good. The Da Vinci Code has all the right ingredients to create a massive market share of the fiction . The characters are believable, the fictional premise intriguing, and it made a really good analogy about the catholic church and the search for the Holy Grail.

You all deserve a quick plot summary. Know that there can't be one here -- the book is a thriller and details will destroy it for you. I just had to delete the next 250 or more words I'd written, because I realized it would destroy the suspense in the book. I'd defined the Holy Grail in terms of Celtic, Moor (pick your pagan) traditions. Then I wrote about the myths surrounding the Knights Templar, the persecution of Jews, the relationship between Jesus and his love, Mary Magdalene, and more. What I can tell you without ruining the book, is that this book takes myth and reality and combines it in just the right way. He appears to be right on target with his many of his conclusions, and while the book is "fiction", one can't help but believe much of it. Brown doesn't insist you believe him, in fact, he's almost apologetic about how strange and unusual his conclusions may sound. In a subtle way, he warns the reader that everyone is allowed their own belief system and whatever gives someone spiritual comfort should be respected. But Using Will and Ariel Durant's The History of Civilization, Francis and Joseph Gies' Women in the Middle Ages, and Barbara Walker's The Women's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets to confirm Brown's facts, I learned that when he puts two and two together, it's amazing what he comes up with.

This book will have what is probably an unintentional effect. The Da Vinci Code counteracts other best sellers. Brown presents an intellectual and fact-based suspense thriller that will hopefully start a trend toward debunking the misquoted myths and errant Biblical interpretations .One can't help but wonder when the fanatics of the religious right will rise up in defense of the End Times series and call for a boycott of The Da Vinci Code.

As for me it doesnt anymore what other people think of the book. It answered a lot of questions.
I love it.. I love it.. I love it
.

ASAP

MUST DO

I have and want to:
1) lose, lose, lose...a lot of weight!
2) start playing badminton
3) pay the bills.. and find a way to get the money to pay for my bills
4) be a better me..

Married Life Realizations

Yesterday as we were patching things up and I was asking Hon if he had anything else to say.He told me what's the use di ka naman sumusunod sa akin. At first I was in denial then denial changed to defensiveness.I don’t like it that I have to give up control. Minsan nga inaasar ko pa yung kaibigan ko pag sinasabi nya sa akin na sumusunod sya pag may sinasabi asawa nya. I’m like whaaatt!!! I just got married but I didn't plan to surrender my life to anyone else.

Then kanina I was talking to my friend she was complaining about her SIL. Tigas daw ng ulo ayaw sumunod sa asawa baka daw di nya mahal kasi kung mahal mo papasakop ka. Then we started to discuss submissiveness. Then It hit me.. That's a trait I dont have.


Naisip ko tuloy marami sana kaming problems na naiwasan namin kung sumunod lang ako. I realized that I did surrender my life to him the day I said I do.

I also realized that a happy marriage is more than the "I Do" on the wedding day. It is hard work and can be a lengthy process. Believe me, no successful marriage is arranged in heaven. God made men and women capable of making marriage work!!! This does not come effortless.

Many of us enter marriage with impossible dreams and unrealistic expectations.
No one could tell us about the flaws in our choice of a spouse. We were in love and our love would surmount all obstacles.

Two months into the marriage and reality will start to set in. You start to discover a lot of things both good and bad. The in-laws that you thought you love will make your marriage MORE complicated.

Courtship and marriage may begin with romantic love, but for a long-lasting relationship, romantic love must be complemented by maturity, trust and respect. Special personal qualities are crucial for a happy relationship: commitment, sensitivity, generosity, consideration, loyalty, responsibility, trustworthiness.

Romance and mutual attraction are important for a happy marriage, and should not be overlooked. But you cannot live on love, no matter how romantic that sounds.
Romantic love is not enough when you and your spouse lack what it takes to sustain a relationship as intimate and as spiritual as marriage.

According to M. Scott Peck’s book the Road Less Traveled, Love is not a feeling it’s a commitment. When you tell someone that I love you. You tell that person that I commit myself to you. That’s why I’m sad that people seem to take that word lightly.

Couples need to cooperate, compromise, and follow through with joint decisions. They have to be resilient, accepting, and forgiving. They need to be tolerant of each other's flaws, mistakes and peculiarity

Marriage is a reflection of our relationship with God. We submit to our husbands, they submit to Christ and Christ submits to the Father. If we have no respect for our husband’s authority, then we have no respect for God’s authority. Sometimes God doesn’t do things the way we think they ought to be done, same as our husbands, huh. Sometimes we have to hang on because the ride gets bumpy. But, somehow we always have a sense that God’s having everything in control is OK while our husbands don’t have the foggiest notion and we have to usurp their authority with our own. Look out if they don’t do it our way.

We can submit to our husbands by letting them pick the restaurant or discipline the children the way they see fit. When our husband makes a decision, we can support it and stand up for it. If we give the role as the spiritual head of household to our husband, we might be surprised to find out that he takes control of this very well. Maybe it’s our way that isn’t working that good. After all, the sixties have been over for a while, but there are still a lot of ways this world belongs to men. Maybe, it takes a man to deal with it.


Here are some of the scriptures that I found that is related to submissiveness.

1Corintians 11:3

Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

Ephesians 6:7
Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.

Ephesians 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

CANADA...NOT!

Sorry for not updating this blog.. We actually went through a Marital Crisis last week. There were so many issues that came up that caught me off guard. Then we talked about most off the things that happened in the last couple of days. But as we were resolving things. He dropped a bombshell on me that I didn't expect. He then told me that he really didn't want to migrate at all. He loves his job and here and can't see himself starting again.I told him not to say NO right away kasi matagal pa naman kami ma-approve so it might take us a few years before we can leave.But in the end someone had to give in and it was me. Haaayyyy!! I hope I can change his mind.. Say in 10 years.

My Family Lay Out..

Yung page na ito na nakalagay pinapakita lang ako at si Philbert bilang magulang. Kung mapapansin nyo sunod sunod yung sequence mula nung baby pa si Josh hanggang sa ngayon. Natutuwa lang ako sa nakikita ko kasi lumalaki na talaga ang baby ko.

My Latest Scrapbook Work

I just wanted to post my latest work.. I'm may not be a good scrapbooker. But I love being a scrapshopper. Whats the point of this entry wala lang.. I just wanted to share my work.. Pinahaba ko pa..

Great News!

Tinawagan na akong nung foundation na papasukan ni Joshwa. Nasabi ko lang ay Haaay salamat.. Kasi ang tagal ko din syang hinintay mga isang taon din yun. Pero okay lang kasi nasa last stage na kami ng application. Assessment na ni Joshwa sa Tuesday.. Maghanda na daw ng 3k para sa assessment fee. Tapos pag papasok na sya magbibigay na kami ng 5k na bond. Nasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko. Parang di foundation ang laki pa rin ng ilalabas. Pero natuwa naman ako dun sa feedback na binigay sa akin kasi daw okay daw talaga yung foundation.. O sya ano pa nga ba. Kaysa naman maglabas ako ng 30K a month( yan yung going rate nila pinaka minimum pa yun) di namin kaya. Baka di na kami kumain at sa kalsada na kami tumira. Mabait talaga ang Diyos sa amin. Di nya kami pinapapabayaan.


Kaya lang ang malungkot na balita pag nagsimula na kami sa foundation kailangan ko na bitawan yung ABA nya ngayon kasi ABA din ang pinaka approach nung foundation. Buti na lang matagal ko na sinabi na temporary lang itong kina Teacher Mavic masay ako at nainitindihan naman nila kami. Sana lang magtuloy tuloy yung improvement ni Joshwa. Maski pa may bagong center na sya lilipatan tapos bagong Teacher na ang hahawak sa kanya


Dahil foundation yung papasukan nya subsidized ang rate ng therapy nya. Malaki din ang matitipid namin. Marami na kaming puedend gawin dun sa matitipid namin. Puede na sya mag school next year kasi luluwag na din ang schedule nya. Syempre pa puede ko na uli pagbigyan ang isa sa mga luho ko may pangbili na ako ng scrapbook materials ko..Naku paktay lo na naman ako sa asawa ko buti na lang di sya nagbabasa ng blog ko.

Marauder's Map Quiz

Which Harry Potter Marauder Are You?

You are loyal and protective of those you care about, but have a quick temper when an injustice is made, especially when that injustice was done by a Slytherin. You have a wild streak to you, but life has taught you what is really important.

Thoughts on Migrating

I have been reading all about migration this past few days with great interest. We decided to start preparing the papers that we need when we finally apply for our Canadian Visa.The list that I have is very long. Despite all of the things I have read & heard about how hard it is and how difficult it can get. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish that goal.


I also know stories of people who have been successful in Canada; however, I think the adjustments and the hardships that we will face once we get there are certainly true. I’m also aware that that there will be discrimination. (pero sa lahat ng lugar meron nyan)


Despite all of this, I still have a strong desire to migrate. I'm thankful that friends and family despite the encouragement never fail to tell me that there is another side of Canada, which is rarely known. In that way, I can be prepared for the worst.


What really gave me the courage to give it a go is the fact that we have a Special Child. I have heard great things about their programs with regards to Autism. I know that if that can help him maximize his full potential. Then that’s where we will go.

Sorry kung tagalog.. Galing ako sa biyahe kaya pagod pa ako mag isip. Gusto ko lang sya isulat bago ko pa makalimutan.

Kakauwi ko lang galing sa lugar ng mga biyenan ko. Kakatatawa pa kasi yung asawa ko di umuwi.Ang dahilan ang computer nya.Na-addict sa Gunbound (PC GAME ).Sabi ko sa kanya baka sa dami ng lakad na di mo napuntahan dahil dyansa game na yan. Baka pag may nangyari sa yo walang dumamay sa yo at computer mo na langang nandyan.


Kami lang ng anak ko at ang kanyang butihing yaya ang umalis.Nagbyahe na lang kami kasi malapit lang naman (3 hours away)


Namatay ang pinsan ni Hon. Si E.M 27 years old, May kapansanan sya sa pagkakaalam ko based lang sa impormasyon na nakuha ko ay Autistic sya ayon lang ito sa mga symptomas na nakalap ko dahil sa pagsasaliksik ko. Takot na takot sila na bansag na yun. Mas gusto pa nilang tawagin na retarded sya. Ayon sa usap usapan tinangka daw sya ipa-abort nang nanay nya.Kasi tatlo na ang anak nyang babae na maliliit pa tapos nalaman nya na buntis na naman sya. Tinangka nyang inuman ng gamot nung walang nangyari. Tinuloy na lang nya. Laking pagsisisi nya nung malaman nyang lalaki pala ang naging anak nya. Dahil din sa pangyayari ito tumabang na ang pagsasama ng mag asawa. Di matanggap nung asawang lalaki ang ginawa ng kanyang kabyak.


Nung panahon na para sya ay mag aral di daw sya nagsasalita at parang di daw interesado mag aral di na nila pinilit pumasok sa eskuewala. Pinagpalagay na lang nila na epekto ng gamot kasi aminado naman yung nanay. Di na nila pinatignan sa doctor. Pinabayaan nalang na lumaki ng ganun. Di na sya talaga nagsalita..


Iba iba ang usapan kung ano ba talaga ang kinamatay nya.Sabi ng iba inatake daw sa puso. Tinanong ko kung bakit di nila alamkung maysakit sya sa puso. Ang sagot sa akin ay kasi di naman sya nagsasalita kaya di malaman kung ano ang masakit sa kanya.

(Naisip ko naman sana man lang napatignan maski isang beses para langmalaman kung may sakit ba sya sa puso at para malaman kung ano talagangkapansanang mental meron sya) Sabi naman ng iba ay baka daw binangungot sya at may ilanding nagsabi na baka talagang di na daw umaabot sa 30 ang lifespan ng isang Mentally Retarded.(natawa ako sa theory na ito kasi wala itong basis)


Nagulat na lang daw sila na bigla syang umungol ng malakasna tila ba nasasaktan. Tapos nangisay sya. Nung tinakbo sa hospital wala na sya.


Nalungkot ako nung pumunta ako nang burol nya.Dahil wala talagang may kilala sa kanya. Walang nagsayang ng oras para subukan naabutin sa mundong ginagalawan nya.


Habang nakikinig ako sa nanay nya ramdam ko ang magkahalong lungkot,panghihinayang, pagsisi at pag luluksa. Di ko lang masabi na sa lahat siguro dun isa ako sa lubos na nakakaramdam ng pinagdadaanan nyadahil Nanay ako at may special child. Damdam ko ang paghingi nya ng tawadnya sa anak nya.

Kaya kanina pinagsabihan na naman ako ng biyenan ko na wag mag alalala na di pa nagsasalita ang anak ko di ko na lang pinansin ang sinabi nya. Kung may malaki man akong natutunan sa pangyayaring yun ay Di ako dapat tumigil hanggat di ko naabot ang mundo ni Joshwa.

Kung kailangang pumasok ako dun at dun na lang kami gagawin ko. Gusto ko lagi nyang malaman na mayroon syang Nanay na gagawin ang lahat para sa kanya.


Gusto ko masabi ni Joshwa sa sarili nya na may boses ako at ang Nanay ko ang tutulong sa akin para masabi ko sa inyo yun.

Autisms

Michael Tan

Published on page A15 of the August 18, 2004 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

A NOVEL where an autistic teenager solves the mystery of a neighbor's murdered poodle?
Why not? Mark Haddon's "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" makes for a fascinating read as you "listen" to the mind of 15-year-old Christopher, while he unravels a crime involving a murdered dog.


Early in the novel, we realize that Christopher is autistic. His mind plays with numbers, and he loves maps and all kinds of trivial facts. He admits he doesn't like people too much and, no wonder, he has difficulties reading their facial expressions, and hates being touched. But note that he can't tell lies, not even a white lie.

The novel is fast-paced, something you can read on the plane as I did, but be careful because it goes in all sorts of directions as you try to keep up with Christopher's brain, processing the world in the peculiar way autistics do. His trip to London, done on his own, is especially gripping as he tries to figure out what train to take, and how to make his way to a particular address in the city.


Autisms and Asperger'sI'm not surprised Haddon's book is listed in several websites listing resources for families with autistic children. Haddon himself worked with autistics, and deftly drew on his experiences to write this novel. In the process, he reaches a much wider audience with a non-technical perspective on autisms.


I'm using the plural here because autism actually refers to a range of conditions. The term was first coined in Germany in 1912 by the Swiss psychiatrist Paul Bleuler: "autismus" derived from "auto," meaning self and "ismus," the state of. Autism is "the state of self," and was first used to refer to children who seemed caught in their own world, oblivious to their external environment.
In many societies, including our own, such children may be labeled as mentally retarded, and end up isolated and neglected. But the autistic are also often "fixated" on particular tasks, and will exhibit amazing skills in a specific field, such as math, music, painting.


As neurologists and psychiatrists saw more patients, they realized that autism took many variations. Some of the patients were very dependent on their families while others, so-called high-functioning autistics, could live on their own.


In 1944, a Viennese physician, Hans Asperger, published a paper about young boys who had normal intelligence and language development but who had autistic-like behaviors, such as being obsessed with certain routines, and having difficulty reading people's body language and emotions. As with the other autisms, the medical world later realized that Asperger's was more common than they thought, and that some of the people with this condition were very bright and become leaders in professions that require an almost obsessive concentration on particular tasks.


Nerds, geeks, malesIt's not surprising that there's speculation that Albert Einstein had Asperger's. Nerds and geeks may actually be "high-functioning" autistics or people with Asperger's. Note how very bright people will sometimes be very awkward with social skills (sometimes, in exasperation, we even call them "social morons"). Males, incidentally, outnumber females when it comes to autistics (who knows, maybe so-called male insensitivity may actually be a variation of Asperger's).


But we should certainly differentiate people with Asperger's from the mean, the vicious and the corrupt, those who have trapped themselves in dull and drab worlds of their own making, so completely differently from the fascinating and vibrant worlds of autistics and Aspergers.
Haddon's mystery novel allows us to peek into these special minds, while reminding us of how autisms are becoming so much a part of our lives. The psychiatrist Hans Asperger would be pleased, for example, to know his surname is now used rather commonly, as in, "Oh dear, I think I married an Asperger."


As we understand the spectrum of conditions here, we become more accepting, and understanding. Teaching in a university, I can tell you we have more than the regular share of Aspergers, and that this makes life in the academe both exciting ("What a genius. She must be an Asperger.") and exasperating ("Can't he just shut up and let others speak? He must be an Asperger.")


The writing professions, print journalism included, also probably has a greater share of Aspergers, given the way you need to collect and collate facts and images in your head and transform them into an article, essay or novel. Yes, maybe even columnists, especially those who write about the strangest topics, maybe Aspergers.


Disorders or variations?Easy now. I know some of you are getting nervous, the way Aspergers sound like Martians. I can imagine people in offices suddenly asking each other, as they look to a colleague, "Is he or isn't he?"


I do worry that the medical profession, by attaching labels, may inadvertently stigmatize these conditions. There are debates, for example, about what Asperger's really is, with all kinds of alternative labels proposed: Is it a form of high-functioning autism? Or a form of attention-deficit disorder?


The term "disorder" makes me uneasy. Certainly, there are many autistic individuals who need medical and social services, but the nerds and geeks will manage quite well, thank you. In fact, I often tell my students that if all humans were "sosyal," too busy making friends and socializing, humanity would still be stuck in caves. We needed the introverted nerds and geeks retreating into their own worlds to reflect, and to discover fire and invent the first tools.


I'd suggest that by moving away from psychiatric labels with its connotations of medical treatment, we might be in a better position to find social niches for the whole range of autisms. BBC had a news item a few weeks back about a Danish man who had put up a computer programming firm that mainly hired autistics because of the way they could concentrate. It turned out the man has an autistic son, who he hopes will eventually work in that firm.
That is a more dramatic case of carving out a social niche for an autistic child. For families with autistics and Aspergers, a more basic need is to simply pass on some social skills. There are now quite a few books and websites offering advice for families to help autistics function better in society.


Autistics and Aspergers, for example, may have difficulties working with people because they seem selfish and mean, running all over people's feelings with unreasonable demands and blunt remarks. This could be avoided if, in childhood, an Aspergers learns there's a world of people out there who also have their needs, and that they will need to take extra effort to "read" people's feelings. How is this done? Even being conscious about looking into the eyes of a child with Aspergers while communicating is said to be vitally important in teaching some of the basic social skills.


We still have a lot of learn about autistic conditions, and as we learn more, we might come to accept these conditions as part of the variations that make humanity so interesting.

Proud Mom

Im such a proud mom.. Joshwa learned a lot of new things this past few weeks. He can now do his OWN action of Twinkle,Twinkle, Skinny Marie & Itsie Bitsie Spider.Syempre pa kailangan may kumanta pa for him.Ako yun.. I knew my voice will be useful for something . (hahahah).

He can now do other tricks like wave bye, flying kiss, hug, kiss & bless. Some of you might be thinking why should I be so proud of something that seemed normal to other kids. That's because my son may not be normal but he is certainly special. He's Autistic.

It took us 2 years to get to where we are right now. This was a journey that I never thought I would take but still the journey isn't over. I know that the road is tough and I'll be there for him every step of the way.

Someone once asked me how I could handle the fact that he is special and that he may never be like other kids. I just gave them a straight answer. I'm his Mom there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him.

Wifey Troubles

Had an argument with Hubby just now.I couldn't rely on him to help me with anything related to HTML. I wanted a new template for my blog and I've been looking at Blogskin.com. I found something that I liked. Now,I needed some help with the tweeking and to adjust the tagboard.He just refuses to help me. I told him that why can't he help me? He's good with these
things because of his background and he just looks at me and tells me that the blog is there its not his problem and its there for me to figure out. I've been trying to figure out this blog ever since I started to use it. Sorry for the ranting..Im just getting so frustrated that this blog is not looking like the way I envisioned it or the way its supposed to look like..

.. Aarrghh.. I rest my case.

Here's a good article on Secondary Infertility. I can relate to this article because I have it.

Secondary Infertility
by: Psyche Pascual

Finding out you're infertile can be agonizing, and reaching out to friends and family for support is natural. But when couples or individuals have had one child and face difficulties having another, they often get little or no sympathy from the people around them. This type of infertility is called secondary infertility, and it can be as painful as being unable to conceive a first child (primary infertility).

Even friendly queries from a relative or friend, like "When are you having another child?" can sting, especially when a couple has been trying for years to have one. If a couple does go through expensive fertility treatment, friends and family members may not understand the emotional and financial toll it can exact. Infertility support groups may not help because people dealing with secondary infertility may find that members are less understanding to anyone who already has a child.

It's no wonder that secondary infertility is considered an invisible dilemma, and that so many suffering from it feel shut out of the world around them.


The good news is that there are many options for people who want more children. Before fertility treatment, though, talk with your partner about how much you want or can afford. Depending on your prognosis and finances, you may eventually want to consider other options, such as adoption.

An Article Involving A Mother and Her Autistic Son
(Breaktime Section by Ms Banal Philippine Daily Inquirer, July 31, 2004)

This one is for the books, and it happened at SM Megamall, the most popular mall of retail magnate Henry “Tatang” Sy, who is building malls over the country.
It seems that one day, a certain Ruby Javier went to Megamall at 12 noon to pay for her utilities at the SM customer service counter.
Aling Ruby always had to tow with her a 17 year-old special child, her son Francis, who has autism, diagnosed by doctors to have a mental capacity of a 6-yearold.
Francis, like most autistic children, had difficulty in expressing himself. He could hardly talk. But he is never violent.
That day at the mall, while Aling Ruby was doing her business at the SM Supermarket, she somehow lost sight of Francis. He drifted away somewhere at the mall unknown to the mother.
And it was the most harrowing 12 hours for Aling Ruby, trying to look for her son, without much help from the Megamall management, thank you.

A soon as she became aware that Francis was missing, Aling Ruby informed the Megamall security office.
Hours passed and still no action from the megamall security office, Aling Ruby was told to go to the police instead. The police asked her for photographs of the missing Francis.
But then the poor Aling Ruby was on her own looking for her son. After hours of searching and asking around the mall, she found out that Francis actually drifted to the area of the cinemas.

There, as it turned out, Francis tried to go into one of the theatres showing Harry Potter film. The security guard rough-housed Francis for trying to go in without paying.
As if it was not enough, the cinema security turned over Francis to the mall security. Without much ado, the mall security kicked Francis out of the mall. There – the problem solved.
The poor special child drifted outside in the streets for more than 15 hours. Call it mother’s instinct, but Aling Ruby was able to find her son seating outside another mall, several kilometers away from Megamall, at way past midnight.
I can only say this to the Megamall management: heaven help me in what I might do, should something like that happen to my godson, a nephew of mine, who has the same condition as Francis!

You guys there at Megamall have a problem!

Treats for a sweet tooth, time-kissed pretty clothes, and happy feet
LOVE LUCY By Lucy GomezThe Philippine STAR 08/01/2004

You know how it is when you chance upon wonderful stuff just when you least expect to? Call them luck-kissed finds, karmic doodads, happy destinies – whatever title you blanket them under they are all the same in that they make for very happy smiles. This past week has been an overflow of such "good things", to quote Martha Stewart my favorite (in)famous celebrity, and I cannot wait for you to check them out yourselves. Here’s hoping you will enjoy (and yes, love) them as much as I have.

Cassava Bibingka – from a lady named Ping. Aside from having a sweet tooth I am also especially drawn to native kakanin. In Ormoc, there are a number of good cassava cakes, budbud, balanghoy – available at little cottage industries that have stood the test of time and change. Whenever my family visits, most especially my sister, they always hand-carry for me my hometown edible favorites. And now with this cassava bibingka that is easily just a text message away, I could not be happier. From today onwards, I will have no room for longing. Her cassava bibingka is delicious beyond words. The lady who makes it has had the recipe for a total of 20 years and despite the demand and the urgings of friends for her to sell it commercially she did not. But time has a way of pushing one in the right direction and she has finally given in to what she has deprived us of for so long and will now take orders (thank God!). Her goodies are a steal at only P250 for the small size and P450 for the larger one. And should you need to give them as gifts, they come very prettily packaged, too. Best eaten warm, although others may prefer it cold – either way, you are sure to love it. For orders, text or call Ping at 0917-6255123.


Brownies – from Roshan. And I thought I had already tasted all the good ones out there. This one, a definite must-try, will easily become a favorite. Guaranteed. Truth be told, Roshan is not a recent find (I have enjoyed her treats for over a year now) – but I discovered her by chance after Chechel, a friend of mine sent me some. She came to mind again earlier this week because a friend of mine and I were talking about the best places to order brownies from. Her brownies are consistently moist, with just the right amount of chocolatey sweetness and a taste that brings you back to some faintly-remembered home. I often enjoy it guiltlessly by dunking a whole brownie in a glass of full cream milk. As they absorb the milk, so too do they break down in huge chunks; only then do I spoon them out of the goop. Talk about melt-in-your-mouth goodness. Try it, this treat is perfect for a rainy day. Although the brownies can be eaten warm or cold, I prefer the former. For orders, call or text Roshan at 0917-8336286. By the way, she also makes to-die-for chocolate chip cookies and sylvannas. Her chocolate cake, no-fuss in its traditional goodness, comes with a generous amount of icing all over and in between.


Be sure to taste these three items, too. 27 ans – a clothing line available at Souk in Crecsent Building, San Miguel Avenue, Ortigas. I went there looking for something else and Heidi, who takes wonderful care of all Souk clients, led me to this rack of one-of-a-kind vintage pieces hand-picked and reworked by Tracie Anglo-Dizon. I met and worked with Tracie once for a Preview shoot but I haven’t seen her since. The beautiful pieces, maybe because of the patina of time, have a distinct, appealing old-world charm about them. They are just lovely and being draped in them almost transports you back to a time when being prettily dressed was as normal for a dinner out with your man as it was for a walk in the park. I especially fell in love with a pretty embroidered pink top, beribboned at the waist with a bright blue velvet ribbon (it was on reserve for someone else, boohoohoo), a white eyelet vest, also beribboned at the waist (it was way too big for me) and a blue knit sleeveless blouson reworked with paisley-print patches. Aside from being in very good condition, they are also one-of-a-kind so you can truly create a look that is all your own. I asked Heidi why the line is called 27 ans and she explained that apparently, anything over 27 years old (ans is French for years) is considered vintage. Don’t you just like the sound of that? It is enough reason for me to not only invest in good clothes but at the same time take care of and safe-keep them for Juliana (and her future sisters) to enjoy. On my next trip to Cebu, I cannot wait to raid the bauls in my maternal grandmother’s home. I’m sure there will be a treasure trove of vintage items waiting to be resurrected. Having 27 ans around easily beats having to go through piles and piles of dusty, vintage pieces that often abound in thrift stores. Another plus, they come tagged with very reasonable pricing, too.


Pretty Fit – Many thanks to Tim Yap, who invited me over to the store opening that he organized, I got wind of this pretty, pretty shoe store that is a franchise from Singapore. They carry a myriad of fashionable footwear, the styles and color of which remind me of eye candy. There is nothing boring about them; there available are glittery and bejeweled evening sandals, chic ballet flats with interesting details, patterned slip-ons for everyday wear that look anything but ordinary – and they carry up to a size 11! Even better is the fact that they are all very reasonably priced (starting at P1,000+ onwards). No wonder there was a mad clamor the day that they opened. Although I did not get a chance to really check out their men’s line, they do have a rack devoted to male footwear. With Pretty Fit now available locally, there is one more good reason to display a neat pedicure. Their shoes will surely make feet, well, nothing less than pretty. Pretty Fit is available at Glorietta 3, beside the Dockers store. Take the entrance by Tower Records for a faster way to get there.


Finally, have you tried the new Strawberries and Cream drink from Starbucks? It is just delightful. That and their Green Tea Frapuccino and I will love them forever. I am especially addicted to the latter, there was a time when I was enjoying it on a daily basis until I realized that I was enjoying it too much and not working it off enough. Now I limit my intake to times when I truly "deserve" to indulge in a glass – after a good dance workout or when it is raining really hard (which thankfully happens often enough nowadays). Talk about a sweet reward that I do not seem to tire of. You will understand why when you try it yourself. There you have it, you may be a tad thicker around the waist area after all the sweet treats, your money purse a bit less robust after a pair or two of shoes from Pretty Fit and a top from 27 ans but who can accuse you of not enjoying what is readily available and in the process grinning from ear to ear like a little girl at least once? Till next time, have a great Sunday!

Scrapbooking

 

 

Scrapbooking is my latest passion., "I started with my son’ s album which I never did finish because my sister did that for my son. Then I started to use some of my photos for my scrapbook. I didn’t have a theme of what I wanted I would just look at the photo and the papers that I have and then I’d just take off from there. In the five months since I started scrapbooking, I discovered some unexpected advantages. I like coming home in the evenings, the weekends, it's just a stress reliever. I just love sitting down and letting my creative juices flow .


I really think that scrapbooking is a great  hobby that can have therapeutic effects. Many people who enjoy scrapbooking say they reap other benefits besides pretty books. Some believe the cutting and creating actually make them feel better. It turns out, the experts agree. They say scrapbooking can be quite therapeutic. I think it helps people express themselves different ways through arts and crafts."


Just looking at the pictures can often bring a smile to my face. It's looking back at your photos and reliving those fun times that you've taken those pictures of."There's a sense of reminiscing. I would look at it and it would really help me to recollect happy memories of the past."


And to think that I never really thought I would be a good scrapper. I would be embarrassed to show my work to my friends. Til I realized I wasn’t doing this for other people. I was doing this for myself. That was when my whole attitude started to change. Now, I really do believe that the therapeutic benefits of scrapbooking today will translate into treasured keepsakes tomorrow. I think you can make your own memories that will last for generations. I can see our kids some day fighting over our albums. 

MEA CULPA

This day wasn't a good day. Think Murphy's law. I've been given a VERY HUGE dose of reality check about some things that I have been doing.. Because of this allow me to say MEA CULPA to the following people in my life:

My husband.. Im sorry because I know that I'm not the wife that you wanted. You wanted a picture perfect wife. Someone who looks good under a 120 LBS. Cooks great to boot. I know you think that I'll always be there. but I might not be.

My Son: Im sorry that Im not the perfect mom. That I scream at you when I think you're going to jump from out of nowhere. I'm sorry that I couldn't afford to bring you to the best doctors or send you to the best schools.

My Parents.. I'm sorry for not living up to your expectations..

My Sisters.. I'm sorry for not being the great example that I should be

My In-Laws: I'm sorry for not being the daughter in law that you wanted.

My Old Friends: I'm sorry for letting you down.. For thinking only of myself and not thinking of the consequences my actions. Although I thought my intentions were good.. Still..You trusted me and stayed with me in my lowest hours and yet I betrayed you and I let you down. No matter what I do I could never repay the kindness and acceptance you have shown me.I have tried to ask for forgiveness but I have failed because admitting it and accepting it may never be enough..I know in my heart, time may not be able to heal those wounds. Forget about me and move on. I'm not worthy of your anger.

Thibling Thurthday Q's

1.  Were you the youngest, the oldest, an "only", or a middle child?  How about your spouse?
==>>>Im the eldest in a family of 3 ( all girls) pero pag nakita nyo yung sisters ko parang ako ang bunso. Pandak kasi ako eh.. Saka sa itsura latak talaga ako.. Ironic nga lang kasi eldest ako.

+++>> Philbert is the youngest in a family of 3 (1 Guy, 1 girl and him)

2.  Growing up, did you share a bedroom or did you have your own room?
===>> I didn't have my own room
++++>> Philbert shared his room with his brother but when his brother went to college he stayed in his brother's room.

3.  Do you feel that you were treated equally as your sibilings (if you had any)?
===>>>No..I didn't.. My dad's favorite was my sister Grish(athletic kasi) and my mom's was the youngest Nets (malambing kasi eh)But while I was growing up I was attached to my Lola.. ( my maternal grandmother)
+++++>>> Philbert says for most part yes naman daw but ang favorite ng Nanay nila was his Kuya.

4.  If you were an only child, do you wish you had siblings?

===>>There was a time  that I wished that I was an only child.. hahahha baligtad..

 

5.a.  What were some of the advantages you experienced with regards to your position/birth order in the family?
===>>Pag may new toy ako mauuna pumili, may party lagi c/o my lola, I was lucky that since i'm the eldest I had the best ninangs   ,(who up to now is still in my life), lola's pet kasi ako ang eldest na apo nya, Mas maraming photos.
++++>> Mas lax na daw ang magulang ni Philbert. Di na sya masyado pinapagalitan.

 

5.b.  What were some of the disadvantges?

====>> Laging included sa bawat sermon na ATE ka dapat ikaw ang good example. Kaya i guess i sort of hated that kaya di kopinapakinggan sermon nyan.Saka kahit nag aaway kami sinasabi lagi dont fight back kasi Ate ka. Kaya I never did.Di na ako nagkaron ng chance to prove my authority. Kaya minsan maski sobra na ginagawa I just grin and smile.Kaya ata ganito ako eh,Because I was raised that way.So finally nainis na parents ko kasi di talaga ako maasahan. I was lazy and lax.Kaya ang  binigay na yung expectation sa sister ko.Another disadvantage since I tend to be goofing off A LOT no one in my family really took me seriously so I didnt take my self seriously either.

++++++>>> Si Philbert naman ang disadvantage lang is di sila magkasundo ng kuya nya because of the age gap.Saka laging sya ang  inuutusan.. Although di masyado ang expectations sa kanya ng parents nya. Medyo pressured sya sa mga achievements ng Kuya nya set by other people. Kaya ang resulta nagloko si Philbert nung college.
 

6.  What roles did your siblings have at your wedding?

===>> my sister Grish was the bridesmaid & my other sister Nets was the candle sponsor.
++++>> Sa side ni Philbert di sumali ang sister nya sa entourage kasi at that time di pa kami close and yung kuya nya nasa US na nakatira.

 

7.  What are some values your family instilled in you?

 ===>>> Leirs: always stick together, live within your means,

++++>> Philbert: Kaya nyong mabuhay ng walang utang.. Wag kakalimutan yung pinagmulan. 
 

 

 

Heaven's Grocery Store
Written by: Ron DeMarco & Friend

 

 

 

 

I was walking down life's highwaya long time ago.

One day I saw a sign that read Heaven's Grocery Store.

 

As I got a little closer,the door came open wide,

And when I came to myself, I was standing inside.

 

I saw a host of angels; they were standing everywhere.

And one angel said," My child shop with care."

 

Everything a Christian needs was in the grocery store.

And all you couldn't carry you could come back the next day for more.

 

First I got some patience,love was in the same row.

Further down was understanding, you need that everywhere you go.

 

I got a box or two of wisdom, a bag or two of faith.

I just couldn't miss the Holy Ghost for He was all over the place.

 

I stopped to get some strength & courageto help me run the race.

But then my basket was getting full, but I remembered I needed some grace.

 

I didn't forget salvation for salvationwas free.

So, I tried to get enough of that to save you and me.

 

Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill.
For I thought I had everything to do my Masters will.

As I went up the aisle, I saw prayer andjust had to put that in.

For I knew when I stepped outside, I would run right into sin.

Peace and joy were plentiful, they were on the last shelf.

Song and praises were hanging nearso I just helped myself.

I asked, How much do I owe?He just smiled and said,

just take them everywhere you go.

Then I said, How much do I really owe?

He smiled and said, My child, Jesus paid your bill a long time ago. 
 

 

  Thursday Q's- Off To Work We Go!
1.What is your current job title? How about your spouse's?
My title is Admin Assistant - and Philbert  will be an Assistant Manager by Aug 1 (Yeah!!)

2.What kind of education and training/experience does this position require for your job?
I'm a sociology major.. which I didnt really get to practice because I started working for my dad.
3.What days/hours are you required to work? What about your spouse?
Leirs: Monday-Friday, 8.30am to 5pm Philbert: Monday-Friday, 8.30am to 5pm. But starting Aug 1 he can opt to come on work late say 10am and can still leave by 5 PM

4.What kind of benefits (if any) do you receive?
For my position, I have the following:- housing allowance- Therapy Allowance for Joshwa-all expense paid vacations- sick leave benefits-salary loans-Bonus

- For Philbert he has the following:- Insurance Plan ( parang pension)- health insurance -  vacation and sick leave benefits-laptop & cell phone- he can also opt to have a flexi-work schedule if he wishes to do so.-Bonus

5.Is this a vocation for a lifetime, or will you be moving on to biggerand better things? (However you want to define bigger and better ;)
 
i think so.. but my future goal is to work from the home and to be there for Joshwa.

 6.What is the best part of your job?
being able to watch tv, sleep on the couch, and do my scrapbook

7.What is your least favorite duty at your job?
when my dad gets mad..he gets really mad..another least favorite job is doing anything thats related to numbers.

8.If you have children, how did/do you manage working and caring for kids? If you plan to have children, how will you manage working and caring for kids.
I have a very reliable yaya who is always there to help me with Joshwa.

The air was brisk with the morning sun rising slowly behind the windswept trees shrouded in a morning mist. I stood on the balcony wearing nothing but my bathrobe to ward off the mornings chill, calmly listening to the gentle pouring of the rain. A comforting change from the night before when the wind was foul, whipping and churning to a frenzy. Late in the night, a few hours before dawn, the storm had weakened and a peaceful calm had set in, leaving a chance to get some restful sleep. Today was my wedding day, finally Philbert and I would be man and wife.It would be the start of the rest of our lives.

Fast forward to today.. We've been married for 4 years.It wasn't easy but we're still together. Yes we have our fights but I take comfort in the fact that I know he loves me..There were many times that I had come close to saying its over..its too much work and not even worth it. But when I look at our wedding photos. I remember the promise of forever and commitment.. I will always remember the words of M. Scott Peck.
Love is not a feeling... It's a commitment and Alas.. Here I am still dreaming of our years to come..



Grishan ,Rescy,Me, Gandhi,Rhanesa, Brox



Rhanesa, Rescy,Me,Philbert,Gandhi,Grishan & Brox

SAYING GOODBYE
Jennifer Cuaycong

Sitting by my lonesome, in the middle of the night, in a darkened living room, I find great peace in the silence that surrounds me. Every now and then, when I feel the urge to unwind, I brew myself a cup of tea and sit alone in the living room. At two in the morning, everyone else is asleep in the house and I have my thoughts all to myself.

The house seems larger in the darkness. The pitter-patter of tiny raindrops hitting the roof and windowsills gives me great comfort. I am alone, but not lonely.

Having this luxury of time and space has given me ample time to reflect and think about the choices I've made in my life. Late at night, when you have nothing else left to think of, when the dishes have been washed, the laundry done, the kids put to bed, and your husband sleeps soundly amid the snores of little children, you find the sudden freedom exhilarating.

These nights of silence have ushered a time of change for me. Spring cleaning, I call it, a time to clean house and home, as well as body, mind, and spirit. It is a time to nurture and love the person in me, and to give back a little to myself after all these years of spreading myself too thin. Changing my consciousness, a little at a time, started with analyzing who I was and what my core values really were. Once I was really ready to live out my life the way I believed, it was time to start the cleaning.

This month, I clean up my heart.

They say that in our lifetime, our soul has the task to learn valuable lessons that will help it to grow to fulfillment as God's child. Many times, we fail to learn these lessons out of sheer stubbornness and intractability. Fortunately, we don't get to blow all our chances as life keeps presenting us with opportunities until we finally get it right. I never really understood this until a few weeks ago when, after a long night of introspection, I was overwhelmed by a sudden onslaught of sublimated emotions.

That night, as I sifted through a box of old pictures, I thought long and hard about the people who were extensions of my life. A sharp pain seared my heart as I unburied one picture hidden in the pile. It was a picture of better times, many years ago, when my friend and I called each other sisters.

She was special to me in a lot of ways. I took to her immediately, and as friendships go, I gave her my trust and complete faith. I thought I had hers as well.

And then one day, she suddenly stopped talking to me. I called her and she refused to speak with me. There was always someone, something -- anything -- in the way. For more than a month, I persisted and insisted that we talk, but she shut me out completely. I still remember that moment after the last phone call. It was the last time I tried to reach her. I sat stunned, bewildered, and overwhelmed with sadness.

I did not know what caused her to withdraw her friendship, and for many months, I was ignorant of the truth. Until one day, when someone close to both of us finally told me and I was shattered all over again. Was my friendship that insignificant to her? Were my words too worthless to be believed? I was judged and discarded without ever being heard. I felt betrayed.

From then on, I had to learn to live my life all over again, the knowledge of her emotional betrayal lurking in the fringes of a memory that I tried to ease out of my consciousness. I went on with my life, concentrated solely on the people who loved me -- my family -- and ignored the pain that throbbed still. I moved on.

Years passed in silence. Oh sure, I'd hear snippets of her life from other people, as I'd also hear what they say she said about me. They didn't bother me by then. She was so far removed from my life that I could remember only flashes of disjointed memories. By then, the pain had lost its sharp cutting edge and I could live happily with its dull, inconsistent twinge.

A phone call from her ended the standoff. When I heard her voice for the first time in years, that self-imposed dam of discipline cracked and a flood of unrecognized feelings broke through. I wept in unbridled grief and joy.

Yet, I should have known that things would never be the same after those years of separation. I was naive to believe that there was room in her life for me again, just as I made room in my life for her. Little by little, we found that we had very little in common with each other anymore.

All those years apart made us different from each other. She was a stranger to me, and perhaps I to her. Even as I'd like to believe that I had not changed too much, she was a total revelation to me. I did not know the person she had become.

Our values were no longer the same. She hankered for things I had no interest in. She did not hold the things I valued as sacred. And whereas once upon a time, we agreed on almost everything, this time, staying mum was all I could do to keep my tongue in check.

Perhaps she felt the same of me but I was too blind or too deaf to notice. There were times when I sensed a hardness in her, a new, bitter edge that cut deeply through scathing, disdainful or patronizing remarks. However, I shrugged them all off, hopeful that time will wear out the wariness and distrust and return the warm feelings of fellowship.

That day never came.

Our correspondence today is erratic and superficial, at best. Months will come and go and I will not hear from her, and then one day, a message will come just to say that she's busy with her life, ciao. I used to hold my breath and check my mail daily for the next word, the next line, the next chapter in her life. I got tired of waiting.

And so today, I say goodbye to this friend. We were sisters once upon a time, and I will always look back to those days with fondness. But today, she is a stranger and I refuse to let her in my life again. She will not hurt me again.

Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do to yourself is to acknowledge that not all relationships will work out the way you want them to. Once you find that a relationship eats at your soul and gnaws at your heart, it is time to let go. When spending time with this person leaves you unhappy about yourself, cut the toxic strings. When you find your thoughts and words constantly censored and stifled for fear of displeasing that person, turn away and say goodbye. It is time to prune your life.

This isn't easy for me. Some nights, I still harbor the illusion that my old friend is back, and she is once again the same person I met many years ago. I vacillate and think: what are a few years in the grand scheme of things? I can wait for her to return and be my friend again.

But as I sit here where I find the most peace, staring at the sleeping forms of my loved ones -- Anthony, Alexander, and Alphonse -- I realize that I am wasting my energy on someone who has been lost to me a long time ago. Right before my eyes, within my arms' reach, I have the ones who really matter with me still, and I cannot waste a single moment.

It is true, then, that no matter how many times you knock your head on the wall trying to right a wrong or trying to undo what's done, it won't happen unless it was meant to. And what is meant to be is this: that I stop living for people who do not matter and start finding peace, joy, and contentment with the ones who do.

Goodbye, my friend of long ago. I must stop traveling down the same road with you. But I shall always wish you well on your journey. Godspeed.



PINKY O. CUAYCONG is a homemaker who gave up a promising medical career to care for the three men in her life. To this day, her husband continues to pray she does not wake up from her stupor and wonder what the heck made her do such a thing.

THURSDAY QUES!  
 
1.  What's the last CD you bought?
      counted ba yung blank cd?
 
2.  Where's your favorite place on your body to be massaged?
        - shoulders
 
3.  What time do you wake up in the morning?
- weekdays mga 7-7:30am
 
4.  What time do you normally go to bed?
- 12 midnight
5.  What's your favorite kitchen appliance?- microwave oven
 
6.  What makes you really angry?
- when Philbert plays deaf when he's at the computer & when I have PMS anything could set me off.

7.  If you could play an instrument, what would it be?
--guitar
 
8.  If you have a tattoo, what is it?  Where is it?-
 none. i dont want one I have low threshold for pain.,
 
9.  Who's one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to?
- I would probably say sorry to those people I have hurt. Maybe If I would even want to change my past and correct the mistakes so that my future could have been better.
 
 10.  What's in the trunk of your car?- we dont have a car :)

1. Your three favorite websites (other than W@W)?
* www.yahoogroups.com  * www.philstar.net* www.inq7.net

2. Know any triplets, besides Dols & Renan's cuties?
* nope .. but i wish i did..
Ever wish you were a twin/triplet?
* yup.. i've always wanted to have a twin.

3. Your three favorite accessories?*
 cellphone*  wedding ring* bags

4. Your three favorite beverages?
*iced tea  * coke* mango shake

5. Your three current favorite songs?
*A Little Bit* Burn*The Way You Look At Me

6. Last three things you ate?
* baked tahong * chicken ala king * chicken satay

7. How long did it take for you to graduate fromtricycle to bicycle? Who taught you?-
I didnt graduate..

8. Your three "hottest hottie" celebrities?-
Geoff Eigenmann, Jericho Rosales, Carlo Ledesma
 
9. Your three favorite hangouts?- my mom's house- the mall- san lo park

10. Your three favorite childhood hiding places (or favorite places)?
- my tita's house in Dipolog- in my tita's bedroom- in our bedroom

11. Is three your lucky number?- nope

12. Do you believe that bad things happen inthrees? How about good things?
 
- nope, good and bad things happen randomly and i know whether good orbad, they happen for a reason

Joshwa: My Special Son

I think it's a blessing that my son's birthday is so close to Christmas Day. He’s the best Christmas gift that I have ever received. Having Joshwa taught us a lot of things like how to survive on four hours' sleep, the best ways to navigate through a tantrum, and how to make him eat vegetables. But I don't think I came face to face with the true range of what motherhood means to me until a surprising revelation came to me a few months month ago.

When Joshwa was 10 months old he had measles so I panicked and I took him to the pediatrician. While I was there at the doctors office I also asked the pediatrician is there something wrong with my son. Because he wouldn’t look at me when I call his name every time looked right into his face and he doesn’t seem to learning any of the tricks that I was teaching him. I always felt that something isn’t right. She quickly dismissed my fears saying that it was just normal no need to worry.

So I quickly rejected that thought because every time I would talk to my husband about it he’ll say that I’m too paranoid .I just filled myself with gratitude for the beautiful family that I have.

After 5 months I went back to the same doctor for Joshwa’s check up.I asked her the same question this time she gave me a different answer. Take your son to ENT (eyes , nose, throat) to have his hearing checked after that try to find a developmental pediatrician. Luckily I was able to find a developmental pediatrician on such a short notice. She gave me the grim news. Your son might have autism.

I knew nothing about Autism syndrome, but I had lots of frightening preconceptions. My first thought, was how can I help him. I kept blaming myself I felt such a failure I had dyscalulia and now I have passed something on to my son. I cried myself to sleep that night. When the tears dried, I began the long learning process that will continue, I imagine, for the rest of my life. Having resolved to find out everything I could, I went online, I read books, I talked to people. I was surprised to discover that everyone in the world, it seemed, knew or had an idea of what autism was. Everyone but me. I discovered an Internet support group for parents.. Our spirits soared. Friends and family had been very supportive, but, let's face it, they knew as much about Autism as we had. And they were all a little sad, too. But these other parents weren't sad at all. They felt that their children were a great gift, Autism or no.

As I pored over the books and talked with these other parents, I found the factual side of Autism fairly easy to piece together. No one really knows where it came from or what caused it according to studies Autism is a neurological disability most likely caused by immature development in the cerebellum & limbic system.

Of course, there was nothing in those reference books that could fully explain the other side of the story — the ups and downs of raising a child with Autism in our society. That's what we've been learning from Joshwa himself, and it's been a lesson filled with wonder. Joshwa’s life so far has been more complicated than other kid’s was. There are more ongoing appointments — he has therapy 5 times a week. There have been challenging days and frustrating moments as we've all struggled to learn about each other.

Joshwa is actually more like other kids than he is different. He will learn to walk, talk, read, sing, and dance, although he will have to work harder than most kids to reach those milestones. And we will have to slow down and allow him the extra time. Beyond that, he will have skills, talents, and quirks all his own. He already does. He can watch TV and not get distracted he knows when I’m angry and keeps quiet when I say no.

The future for people with Autism is brighter than it has ever been, which makes me hopeful for my son's adulthood. Early intervention, medical advances, inclusive schools that educate all kids together, and new therapies have meant that people with Autism can live longer, achieve more, and contribute to their communities in meaningful ways. Most of them graduate from high school, many live independently, marry, and have jobs.I dream about the possibilities. Will he love 80’s music the way his father does? Maybe he'll want to work as a Chef and run a restaurant , like what his my great grandmother does.

It has been only a short time since Joshwa came into our world. To a degree, we're still on an emotional roller coaster. We have days of unadulterated joy over our family and what Joshwa brings to us. Sometimes. Many days I feel guilty and unsure as to whether we're doing enough for Joshwa. Would he be better off if we could afford this program, those vitamins, or that new therapy? And sometime I get scared about what's down the road, especially when I think of the struggles he may face .

I've long since realized that our luck did not run out. Not at all. In many ways, our lives have been transformed. We have found loving support from people who used to be strangers. We look at the world differently and consider ourselves lucky to be able to. We have an appreciation for a slower pace, we take greater delight in each small step.

1.) Rate how frequent you and your spouse make love? (as in "sexually",all the way) .. With 10 being always and 0 - none at all. 0
To be honest eversince I started Ultimate Frisbee which is everyday exceptFridays.
I'm always soooo tired when I get home. So my answer would be a 2.
 
2). Who usually sets the mood (READ: Sinong unang kumakalabit?) ?
Depende kung sino nasa mood..
 
3). Have you been rejected in favor of say ... sleeping/resting?
Thats our one rule no rejections except for special reasons like may sakit or may period..
 
4). Do you give your spouse some "indications" that you're in the mood?i.e., Dim the lights or Wear his fave scent of you or Play "the music"or Dance (ngek!)
I just tell him. i want to do it tonight.
 
5). This is an old time Q ... what's your favorite position?
:)i used to like a particular one but now i dont have one basta as long as we achieve our goal then its all right..

Thursday Q's of the hypothetical kind

1. Your neighbor's loud music kept you up at night?

Depende kung close ako sa kanila i'd probably talk to them. If di ako close i'd just bear it.. but if i cant take it anymore the last resort would be to callthe barangay security..

   2. Your highschool sweetheart called you out of the blue, not knowing you were married?

I won't say anything till I'm asked about it.

3. You were invited for dinner at an acquaintance's house and theyserved something you refuse to eat or were allergic to?

I guess they'd probably serve something safe or kung wala i'd eat the desert.

4. Your child got in a fight with his/her classmate and came home with a bloody nose?                

I'd really talk to my child and ask him to explain what happened then i'd go to the school DEMAND to talk to the prinicipal set up a meeting with the parents of that child and i'd really make a big deal out of this.

5. Your sister/brother won the lottery but never offered you any of it?

I'd find out how much. If its just a small amount It will be no big deal if it's a big amount I'd still wait for my sister to talk to me about it

MAMA




by Spice Girls
Album : Spice


She used to be my only enemy and never let me free,
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Every other day I crossed the line,
I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would
become the friend I never had.

Back then I didn't know why,
why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
You're My friend.

I didn't want to hear it then but
I'm not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you
said and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
about the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of my responsibility.

Back then I didn't know why,
why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
You're My friend.

But now I'm sure I know why,
why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all all I can give you is love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
You're My friend.

Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
You're my friend.

My Life As A Brownie




I love to eat a brownie when I'm sad
nothing beats the comfort
that a brownie can give me..

While eating a brownie.
I started to look at myself and compare myself
to a brownie.

Many may know me as funny..
Many may think that I'm zany
But many people dont know that
im achy and breaky....


But they dont know what goes behind the making
of the brownie. You get 2 boxes of Brownie
Mix then you mix 1 cup of butter then you add in
the condensed milk then you start to beat it
till it comes together.. Then you add the Eggs
then you beat it again. Thats how I am
sometimes..


Whenever I look at my son..
I know in my heart that I love him so much.
But sometimes I always see myself as a failure.
Because i dont know if I can afford to give him
the very best. I'm just a whole mixture of emotions..


Then you put butter in the baking pan put in the
mixutre and put it in the oven.I have to
put in the pan and arrange it.. So it will
come out nice when I bake it.


I imagine myself being that way sometimes
Sometimes I hate myself for being such a strict mom.
Always being the one to say No and Don't do this.
I know the effect that I have on him when I start to
tell him to pack away his toys or when I force him
to eat.

Then you put it in the oven and you bake it..


Sometimes I feel like my emotions are being baked through
and through. A lot of people dont know the pain of what I'm going thru.
I refused to let anyone in because I dont want their pity.
But sometimes i just need to talk to someone
To share that my son did this and that
I need that person to understand me. I know
that it is difficult to ask. So I dont..


Please stop looking at me like I did something wrong
when I ignore him because he has a tantrum.Stop staring at my child
whenever he throws a fit.He is just so overwhelmed by all of his
surroundings and he doesnt know how to process it. So please bear with him.


Then after its cooked we put it out of the oven..

Then slice it and eat it..


I'm trying my best to be always be thankful for what I have.
For what I can't give him and for my shortcomings..
I always pray that God will make up for all of that.
I know he always will for I would never come close to
God's love for my son.

My eulogy to our departed Cousin Gary (Butchoy) Tolin





I know he belongs to the Creator and that he will return to Him
someday. In my mind, his Creator took him back too soon he was
at that young age full of potential and still to live his life, but
because I did not pay enough attention to him and therefore I failed
him as a cousin.

All the material wealth, worldly achievements, praise of one's
contemporaries, diminish ... mean nothing, and become nothing ... in
the face of such a tragedy.

Goodbye to you my dearest cousin... Sleep and be glad that you are
free from the pain.

Watch us from up above.. Rest assured that in our hearts you will
never be forgotten

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The Day Mami Died

"Mami died at 12:15 AM. Please pray that she may rest in peace"
This was a message that I received from my friend Marisa
I sent her a message saying "Are you all right? And I asked about the details of the funeral.

Diagnosed with cancer almost four years ago, Mami had been at war with her disease since. She had lived longer than expected. She had been a fighter.She had been in and out of the hospital until she said enough.

Three days ago I was chatting with my friend online and I asked her this question.How would you like to die slowly or suddenly? She didn’t say anything. Then I answered my own question .Its not in my hands whether God will take me swiftly or slowly I will try to leave everything in God's hands. That takes away a lot of the worry, because I couldn't ask for anything better than what God wants for me, and I know everything will work out in the end." Because I know that he will help me with a fate against which I am powerless.

What separates the way people approach death's door depends on their perception of how it opens. Some see it opening into an abyss of darkness and non-existence. For others, the door opens to another side, which they face with--albeit apprehensive--uncertain anticipation. For them, the human spirit is indomitable. Perhaps the art of healing is not one of cheating death, but an art of helping people to be oriented toward life in all its possibilities--even life after death. In the final analysis, the way we have to deal with death is a reflection of the way we are brought up and what culture and society dictate upon us.

People always find it strange when I tell them that I like reading obituaries of people. Whenever I go to a funeral I try not to look at the coffins but to look at their pictures which help me remember them. I still sometimes wonder if Mami knows what she taught me and what impact she had on me; and I tell myself that somehow she does - but maybe that's just to calm my conscience. But I shall always remember Mami’s face and that smile left me the last time I saw her.

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My cousin Arian just passed away. He was only 23 years old.
His life has just begun. When my mom sent me an SMS about
that very sad news. I wished that someone would just tell me
that it was all just a big April Fools day joke.I couldn’t believe it because
his eldest brother Butchoy has just died in the Fall of 2002.
How do you console his mother, his sister, his brother?
How do you tell them that it's going to be okay?
They were just moving on after Butchoy died of cancer.
At least yung kay Butchoy prepared sila kasi Cancer yun eh eto
sudden and very tragic.

Arian was always full of life. He was always joking and smiling.
He was just starting to live his life.
He was just starting to get back on his feet
after a minor setback that happened to him.
I find consolation in the fact that he is now with
Butchoy to guide him in the after life.

On another note my friend sent me a text message that really struck me.

" It's no coincidence we call this season of Lent the past tense of Lend.
May this season remind us that we are living on a BORROWED LIFE".


That message really struck me because I always want to say that
I'm done with life and I want the easy way out.
That text message made me realize that it is not for me to decide that I'm through
with my life. It will be God who will tell me when it is over.
I remembered Marisa's mom and my cousins Arian,Butchoy & Kuya Adlai.
They didn't want to die and Yet here I am always
whining and complaining that life is so unfair.
I learned a really valuable lesson. I will always
be grateful with what i have and with what God has given me.

It will be holyweek soon and I'm trying to reflect about the kind of life that I had and what kind of episode in it had hurt me the most. It’s been too long plus an month and I kept thinking about her. It was a few days after my 25th birthday when I received this SMS on my cell phone:

"' I thinks its better if you leave me alone, when I need you I’ll call you"
This was a message that I received from my best friend of 8 years. What can someone say when someone is given that kind of message? I sent her a message saying "Why?" and she didn’t bother answering me back

I met her 8 years ago; we saw each other thru the best of the times and the worst of times We were rarely apart that people started to call us twins. Often enough friendships fail, simply by being all too human or all too familiar with each other. Indeed, loving, trusting and giving too much of yourself is not always an esteemed quality in a person. Many people around saw the falling out as a sign of bad things to come for both of us. The word that I had in mind was” finished" somehow I knew it was foolish for me to think it seems inevitable, that we would become friends till were old and gray. I tried looking at it in terms of a vocation, that it was my vocation to be her best friend for life. Somehow along the way I have told myself a million of times that I had this coming. Why did I say that, I don’t know. I tried my best I really did.

But somehow trying your best when the other person has stopped trying will only put your efforts in vain. But somehow at the back of mind I knew that all genuine friendships accommodate risk. A friendship is not a friendship without its challenges. If there is no risk in a relationship between individuals, then those individuals must be holding back from being themselves. For if an individual is being themselves, the implication of moving forward, into the unknowns, is always there and always producing new challenges. A relationship where there is no sense of this movement, no challenge, no risk, is not a genuine friendship. It is static. Static relationships have nowhere to go nothing to gain. The individuals in these relationships have to effort fully restrict their own natural tendency toward progress in order to maintain a static relationship. Limitations and boundaries over which no individual may cross, if the individual wishes to maintain 'the friendship' also characterize these relationships.


People have different ways of viewing what a friend is and what friendship means to them. And so the friendship can only be defined by how the individuals are, not by what they do. Attention only to what is done according to an agreed standard is not enough to sustain the friendship, for an individual can adhere completely to what must be done, yet their state of being could communicate non-friendship all the while.

It is very important then that you become used to assessing your friendships not on what you do, but how you are. This must become the most important thing in your relationships. For deeds are worth little if not done in the spirit of friendship. This spirit is the ultimate defining factor that denotes a genuine friendship. It is a non-tangible thing and can often be misinterpreted, however, when it exists in a relationship, the quality of that relationship is such that all others pale by comparison. When an individual feels friendship then the friendship is genuine. And obviously, friendships can be demanding, because of the nature of what it is to be human. For a friendship to be enduring, it must be allowing.

All of these factors provide cause for consideration, but it is interesting to observe that if we do not feel friendship for even one person, we must call into question what we are doing to prevent responses of friendship from taking place. Feelings of friendship are natural, they can of course, occur as a result of even a fleeting encounter, or they can be more permanent in their nature. Whatever the circumstances, openness is a key component of genuine friendship. Without it, friendships cannot exist.

Often these boundaries are consciously agreed upon, sometimes they are implied or non-verbal. However, in this kind of relationship individuals know exactly where they stand and the point at which they cannot go beyond. When we try to cling to a friendship and to have it stay the same, this is the trap we fall into. We demand these boundaries so that the threat of change cannot destroy what we have. But in doing so, we must shut down and therefore any genuine friendship becomes something else.

Genuine friendships allow for change within the individuals. Not genuine friendships or identity friendships depend on the individuals staying the same - that is, on the constant perception that nothing has changed and that the individuals have not changed. Change brings threat to the identity friendship. Genuine friends allow one another to change and to grow and for the nature of the friendship to change without a sense of loss. In a genuine friendship there is nothing to lose, the relationship can only grow and gain. Similarly, in a genuine friendship, forgiveness is not an aspect of friendship because with true allowing, there is nothing to forgive. Forgiveness implies guilt and guilt is not a judgment made by a true friend. Allowing transcends forgiveness in every respect.


And the same can be said for a great friendship. We must be prepared to desire the ultimate now and to deal with the challenges that face us along the way. But at no time should we settle for an unripe apple if we desire something more.
Its been too long since I last saw her . I’m always full of what ifs, could haves, should haves and all of those things. Here are my last words for her.. I’m sorry for everything and that I wish you well..

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I know most of what has been written says alot
about my depression. Two weeks ago I was chatting
with my friend PB and she told me something that really
struck me. You can't be depressed all the time so I'm going
to take her advice and start typing about the other things
that I do like here's a song by Darius Danesh

Colourblind

Feeling blue
When I'm trying to forget this feeling
That I miss you

Feeling green
When the jealousy wells and it won't
Go away in dreams

Feeling yellow
I'm confused inside a little hazy but mellow
When I feel your eyes on me

Feeling fine, sublime
When that smile of yours
Creeps into my mind

Nobody told me it feels so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light
You're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind
You make me colour blind

Feeling red
When you spend all your time with your friends
And not me instead

Feeling black
When I think about all of the things that
I feel I lack

Feeling jaded
When it's not gone right
All the colours have faded
Then I feel your eyes on me

Feeling fine, sublime
When that smile of yours
Creeps into my mind

Nobody told me it feels so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light
You're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind
You make me colour blind

Blinded by the light you shine
The colours fade completely
Blinded by you everytime
I feel your smile defeat me
I'm colour blind
I just can't deny this feeling

Nobody told me it feels so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light
You're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind

Nobody told me it feels so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light
You're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind
You make me colour blind

Here's something that I wrote for my hubby for Valentine's day..
I know you'll probably say I'm too cheesy but indulge me anyway.

Mahal kita noon..
Pero mas mahal kita ngayon.



Iniisip ko pa lang kung paano tayo nagkakakilala kinikilig pa rin ako
Naalala ko pa ang araw na yun,parang kailan lang.
Isang napaka ordinaryong araw, di ko naisip na may mangyayaring
kakaiba. Sa unang pag uusap.. walang pagkagusto..walang
kakaibang atraksyon.


Maramin akong lalaking nakiklala
Pero walang naiiba..Di ko na matandaan kung ano ang nangyari.
Pero bago ko pa namalayan
Unti unti ng lumambot ang damdamin
Na akala kong nagging bato.

Nakakatuwang isipin na kung
Di mo hinahanap saka lang syang dumadating.

Di madaling ipaliwanag
Di madaling sabihin
Pero sinabi mo sa akin na mahal mo ako.
At bagamat di mo inaasahan
Sinabi ko sa yong mahal kita

Di ako makapaniwala na apat na taon na tayong magkasama..
Di ako makapaniwala na andito ka sa tabi ko mahal mo
ako at laging inaalagaan.

Nais kong muling sabihin sa iyo na mahal na mahal kita.
Napakaligaya ko sa tuwing iisipin ko na habang buhay
Tayong magkakasama bilang mag-asawa.

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

Salamin (Pangalawang Bersyon)

Lagi kong tinitignan ang aking sarili sa salamin.
Sa tuwing mananalamin ako nakikita ko ang aking sarili pero
parang di ko gusto ang aking nakikita.
May mga araw na sinasabi kong ang taba ko na.
May mga araw na sinasabi ko na ang pangit ng aking kutis.
Bakit nga ba puro pangit na lang ang aking nakikita
Sa tuwing nakatingin ako sa salamin?

Isang gabi bago ako matulog tumingin ako sa salamin nagulat ako may
isang babaeng nakatingin at nakangiti sa akin.Bigla akong nagisip
kung sino nga ba yun?At yun ay walang iba kung di ako.

Kaya ngayon habang tintignan ko ang aking sarili sa salamin
bigla kong naisip na di ko dapat laiitin ang aking sarili.
Naisip kong karapat dapat din palang purihin at dapat mahalin.
At ako ay napangiti magisa habang nakatitig sa aking sarili dito sa
harap ng salamin.

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Ang Salamin ( Unang Bersyon)

Lagi kong tinitignan ang aking sarili sa salamin.
Sa tuwing mananalamin ako nakikita ko ang aking sarili pero
parang di ko gusto ang aking nakikita.
May mga araw na sinasabi kong ang taba ko na.
May mga araw na sinasabi ko na ang pangit ng aking kutis.
Pero ngayon habang tintignan ko ang aking sarili sa salamin
bigla kong naisip na di ko dapat laiitin ang aking sarili.
Naisip kong karapat dapat din palang purihin at dapat mahalin.
At ako ay napangiti magisa habang nakatitig sa aking sarili dito sa
harap ng salamin.
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Im currently coping with depression. Ive been journalling my thoughts, the pains and the struggles that Im going thru. I have a depressive disorder. But then what is depressive disorder? A depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely "pull themselves together" and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Before I got help, I had been depressed for as long as I can remember. I'm now 27 years old, but even when I was a child, I can remember never feeling right. I never felt that I was worth anything. I was always extremely quiet. I was able to make friends at school, but socially, I lacked the ability to interact with others as easily as my peers.I always remember feeling sad, worthless, and like it wouldn't have mattered if I was never born.I was feeling all sorts of different emotions at times I was so sad and I wanted to cry and die without knowing why. I wanted the feeling to go away. It did or so I thought…My depression came back shortly after I had my first child. I was extremely weepy and had incredible up-and-down mood swings. For approximately a year, I went on feeling this way, and every day I seemed to become more irritable and edgy.My biggest problem was admitting something was wrong. In my mind I felt like such a failure about not being able to handle my life situations. Having a baby had changed our lives and I had a very hard time accepting the baby was there and that he needed me. I felt he was better off with out me. I never felt I would harm my child, but I did harm myself.I had feelings of worthlessness, that kind of feeling that you always feel you’re not alive but just existing. I never felt that I had accomplished the things that I want to or feel I should have and yet I don't have the energy to do them. It’s feeling disconnected from people in my life, even friends and family who care about me. It's not wanting to get out of bed some mornings and losing hope that life will ever get better."I think the whole thing really affected my relationships with people, I was pretty much a jerk all of the time. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I just wanted them to leave me alone. The last straw was when my bestfriend walked out on me and never bothered to explain why she did it. That jolted me and made me think that maybe I did need help. I have lost everything but decided to take that road just the same. In order to find out who my friends are and to understand where my life is going. The journey is long,hard, rough and tough. I have yet to get to the part when I can tell my self that I'm okay.I have lots of questions but there are two questions that I have asked myself time and time again and still remains to be answered. Who am I? What is my purpose? I wish I can answer that question but I cant. I've long realized that there can be only one person who can help me with this journey to self discovery and that person is ME.

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