Sunday, September 05, 2004

Married Life Realizations

Yesterday as we were patching things up and I was asking Hon if he had anything else to say.He told me what's the use di ka naman sumusunod sa akin. At first I was in denial then denial changed to defensiveness.I don’t like it that I have to give up control. Minsan nga inaasar ko pa yung kaibigan ko pag sinasabi nya sa akin na sumusunod sya pag may sinasabi asawa nya. I’m like whaaatt!!! I just got married but I didn't plan to surrender my life to anyone else.

Then kanina I was talking to my friend she was complaining about her SIL. Tigas daw ng ulo ayaw sumunod sa asawa baka daw di nya mahal kasi kung mahal mo papasakop ka. Then we started to discuss submissiveness. Then It hit me.. That's a trait I dont have.

Naisip ko tuloy marami sana kaming problems na naiwasan namin kung sumunod lang ako. I realized that I did surrender my life to him the day I said I do.

I also realized that a happy marriage is more than the "I Do" on the wedding day. It is hard work and can be a lengthy process. Believe me, no successful marriage is arranged in heaven. God made men and women capable of making marriage work!!! This does not come effortless.

Many of us enter marriage with impossible dreams and unrealistic expectations.
No one could tell us about the flaws in our choice of a spouse. We were in love and our love would surmount all obstacles.

Two months into the marriage and reality will start to set in. You start to discover a lot of things both good and bad. The in-laws that you thought you love will make your marriage MORE complicated.

Courtship and marriage may begin with romantic love, but for a long-lasting relationship, romantic love must be complemented by maturity, trust and respect. Special personal qualities are crucial for a happy relationship: commitment, sensitivity, generosity, consideration, loyalty, responsibility, trustworthiness.

Romance and mutual attraction are important for a happy marriage, and should not be overlooked. But you cannot live on love, no matter how romantic that sounds.
Romantic love is not enough when you and your spouse lack what it takes to sustain a relationship as intimate and as spiritual as marriage.

According to M. Scott Peck’s book the Road Less Traveled, Love is not a feeling it’s a commitment. When you tell someone that I love you. You tell that person that I commit myself to you. That’s why I’m sad that people seem to take that word lightly.

Couples need to cooperate, compromise, and follow through with joint decisions. They have to be resilient, accepting, and forgiving. They need to be tolerant of each other's flaws, mistakes and peculiarity

Marriage is a reflection of our relationship with God. We submit to our husbands, they submit to Christ and Christ submits to the Father. If we have no respect for our husband’s authority, then we have no respect for God’s authority. Sometimes God doesn’t do things the way we think they ought to be done, same as our husbands, huh. Sometimes we have to hang on because the ride gets bumpy. But, somehow we always have a sense that God’s having everything in control is OK while our husbands don’t have the foggiest notion and we have to usurp their authority with our own. Look out if they don’t do it our way.

We can submit to our husbands by letting them pick the restaurant or discipline the children the way they see fit. When our husband makes a decision, we can support it and stand up for it. If we give the role as the spiritual head of household to our husband, we might be surprised to find out that he takes control of this very well. Maybe it’s our way that isn’t working that good. After all, the sixties have been over for a while, but there are still a lot of ways this world belongs to men. Maybe, it takes a man to deal with it.

Here are some of the scriptures that I found that is related to submissiveness.

1Corintians 11:3

Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

Ephesians 6:7
Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.

Ephesians 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.


Day said...

submissive, tama ka dyan leirs, that's one thing I learned about being married. Before no one can tell me what to do, not even my parents. Ipinaglalaban ko ang point ko kanino man, but it's different on married life. I can't make a decision by myself I always have to consider hubby, sometimes it's easy sometimes it's not, depend on the circumstances - we do need to compromise in order to avoid argument. Anyway you said it all and I can relate to you. I can go on and on... mauubos ko ang comment page mo hehehehe, I'll just continue on my blog...

husticia said...

it's true that when you marry, decisions are NO LONGER made by you alone. i have been happily married for 6 yrs. and am not an expert yet and will never be...but i know that marriage is a bonding of 2 people who always have to meet in the middle of a decision and eventually agree. being "unselfish" is one big factor that would last you a lifetime.

Mickee said...

When we got married, I picked a Gospel reading that isn't related to submissiveness precisely because I can be as stubborn as a bull. I also believe that compromise is the key, not really submissiveness. It works for us - I look at my husband's point of view, and he looks at mine. From there, we weigh out the pros and cons and mutually come up with a decision that we could both live with.

I agree with you, making a marriage work entails hard work and commitment - not just love.

Have a great week ahead!