CANADA...NOT!

Sorry for not updating this blog.. We actually went through a Marital Crisis last week. There were so many issues that came up that caught me off guard. Then we talked about most off the things that happened in the last couple of days. But as we were resolving things. He dropped a bombshell on me that I didn't expect. He then told me that he really didn't want to migrate at all. He loves his job and here and can't see himself starting again.I told him not to say NO right away kasi matagal pa naman kami ma-approve so it might take us a few years before we can leave.But in the end someone had to give in and it was me. Haaayyyy!! I hope I can change his mind.. Say in 10 years.

My Family Lay Out..

Yung page na ito na nakalagay pinapakita lang ako at si Philbert bilang magulang. Kung mapapansin nyo sunod sunod yung sequence mula nung baby pa si Josh hanggang sa ngayon. Natutuwa lang ako sa nakikita ko kasi lumalaki na talaga ang baby ko.

My Latest Scrapbook Work

I just wanted to post my latest work.. I'm may not be a good scrapbooker. But I love being a scrapshopper. Whats the point of this entry wala lang.. I just wanted to share my work.. Pinahaba ko pa..

Great News!

Tinawagan na akong nung foundation na papasukan ni Joshwa. Nasabi ko lang ay Haaay salamat.. Kasi ang tagal ko din syang hinintay mga isang taon din yun. Pero okay lang kasi nasa last stage na kami ng application. Assessment na ni Joshwa sa Tuesday.. Maghanda na daw ng 3k para sa assessment fee. Tapos pag papasok na sya magbibigay na kami ng 5k na bond. Nasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko. Parang di foundation ang laki pa rin ng ilalabas. Pero natuwa naman ako dun sa feedback na binigay sa akin kasi daw okay daw talaga yung foundation.. O sya ano pa nga ba. Kaysa naman maglabas ako ng 30K a month( yan yung going rate nila pinaka minimum pa yun) di namin kaya. Baka di na kami kumain at sa kalsada na kami tumira. Mabait talaga ang Diyos sa amin. Di nya kami pinapapabayaan.


Kaya lang ang malungkot na balita pag nagsimula na kami sa foundation kailangan ko na bitawan yung ABA nya ngayon kasi ABA din ang pinaka approach nung foundation. Buti na lang matagal ko na sinabi na temporary lang itong kina Teacher Mavic masay ako at nainitindihan naman nila kami. Sana lang magtuloy tuloy yung improvement ni Joshwa. Maski pa may bagong center na sya lilipatan tapos bagong Teacher na ang hahawak sa kanya


Dahil foundation yung papasukan nya subsidized ang rate ng therapy nya. Malaki din ang matitipid namin. Marami na kaming puedend gawin dun sa matitipid namin. Puede na sya mag school next year kasi luluwag na din ang schedule nya. Syempre pa puede ko na uli pagbigyan ang isa sa mga luho ko may pangbili na ako ng scrapbook materials ko..Naku paktay lo na naman ako sa asawa ko buti na lang di sya nagbabasa ng blog ko.

Marauder's Map Quiz

Which Harry Potter Marauder Are You?

You are loyal and protective of those you care about, but have a quick temper when an injustice is made, especially when that injustice was done by a Slytherin. You have a wild streak to you, but life has taught you what is really important.

Thoughts on Migrating

I have been reading all about migration this past few days with great interest. We decided to start preparing the papers that we need when we finally apply for our Canadian Visa.The list that I have is very long. Despite all of the things I have read & heard about how hard it is and how difficult it can get. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish that goal.


I also know stories of people who have been successful in Canada; however, I think the adjustments and the hardships that we will face once we get there are certainly true. I’m also aware that that there will be discrimination. (pero sa lahat ng lugar meron nyan)


Despite all of this, I still have a strong desire to migrate. I'm thankful that friends and family despite the encouragement never fail to tell me that there is another side of Canada, which is rarely known. In that way, I can be prepared for the worst.


What really gave me the courage to give it a go is the fact that we have a Special Child. I have heard great things about their programs with regards to Autism. I know that if that can help him maximize his full potential. Then that’s where we will go.

Sorry kung tagalog.. Galing ako sa biyahe kaya pagod pa ako mag isip. Gusto ko lang sya isulat bago ko pa makalimutan.

Kakauwi ko lang galing sa lugar ng mga biyenan ko. Kakatatawa pa kasi yung asawa ko di umuwi.Ang dahilan ang computer nya.Na-addict sa Gunbound (PC GAME ).Sabi ko sa kanya baka sa dami ng lakad na di mo napuntahan dahil dyansa game na yan. Baka pag may nangyari sa yo walang dumamay sa yo at computer mo na langang nandyan.


Kami lang ng anak ko at ang kanyang butihing yaya ang umalis.Nagbyahe na lang kami kasi malapit lang naman (3 hours away)


Namatay ang pinsan ni Hon. Si E.M 27 years old, May kapansanan sya sa pagkakaalam ko based lang sa impormasyon na nakuha ko ay Autistic sya ayon lang ito sa mga symptomas na nakalap ko dahil sa pagsasaliksik ko. Takot na takot sila na bansag na yun. Mas gusto pa nilang tawagin na retarded sya. Ayon sa usap usapan tinangka daw sya ipa-abort nang nanay nya.Kasi tatlo na ang anak nyang babae na maliliit pa tapos nalaman nya na buntis na naman sya. Tinangka nyang inuman ng gamot nung walang nangyari. Tinuloy na lang nya. Laking pagsisisi nya nung malaman nyang lalaki pala ang naging anak nya. Dahil din sa pangyayari ito tumabang na ang pagsasama ng mag asawa. Di matanggap nung asawang lalaki ang ginawa ng kanyang kabyak.


Nung panahon na para sya ay mag aral di daw sya nagsasalita at parang di daw interesado mag aral di na nila pinilit pumasok sa eskuewala. Pinagpalagay na lang nila na epekto ng gamot kasi aminado naman yung nanay. Di na nila pinatignan sa doctor. Pinabayaan nalang na lumaki ng ganun. Di na sya talaga nagsalita..


Iba iba ang usapan kung ano ba talaga ang kinamatay nya.Sabi ng iba inatake daw sa puso. Tinanong ko kung bakit di nila alamkung maysakit sya sa puso. Ang sagot sa akin ay kasi di naman sya nagsasalita kaya di malaman kung ano ang masakit sa kanya.

(Naisip ko naman sana man lang napatignan maski isang beses para langmalaman kung may sakit ba sya sa puso at para malaman kung ano talagangkapansanang mental meron sya) Sabi naman ng iba ay baka daw binangungot sya at may ilanding nagsabi na baka talagang di na daw umaabot sa 30 ang lifespan ng isang Mentally Retarded.(natawa ako sa theory na ito kasi wala itong basis)


Nagulat na lang daw sila na bigla syang umungol ng malakasna tila ba nasasaktan. Tapos nangisay sya. Nung tinakbo sa hospital wala na sya.


Nalungkot ako nung pumunta ako nang burol nya.Dahil wala talagang may kilala sa kanya. Walang nagsayang ng oras para subukan naabutin sa mundong ginagalawan nya.


Habang nakikinig ako sa nanay nya ramdam ko ang magkahalong lungkot,panghihinayang, pagsisi at pag luluksa. Di ko lang masabi na sa lahat siguro dun isa ako sa lubos na nakakaramdam ng pinagdadaanan nyadahil Nanay ako at may special child. Damdam ko ang paghingi nya ng tawadnya sa anak nya.

Kaya kanina pinagsabihan na naman ako ng biyenan ko na wag mag alalala na di pa nagsasalita ang anak ko di ko na lang pinansin ang sinabi nya. Kung may malaki man akong natutunan sa pangyayaring yun ay Di ako dapat tumigil hanggat di ko naabot ang mundo ni Joshwa.

Kung kailangang pumasok ako dun at dun na lang kami gagawin ko. Gusto ko lagi nyang malaman na mayroon syang Nanay na gagawin ang lahat para sa kanya.


Gusto ko masabi ni Joshwa sa sarili nya na may boses ako at ang Nanay ko ang tutulong sa akin para masabi ko sa inyo yun.

Autisms

Michael Tan

Published on page A15 of the August 18, 2004 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

A NOVEL where an autistic teenager solves the mystery of a neighbor's murdered poodle?
Why not? Mark Haddon's "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" makes for a fascinating read as you "listen" to the mind of 15-year-old Christopher, while he unravels a crime involving a murdered dog.


Early in the novel, we realize that Christopher is autistic. His mind plays with numbers, and he loves maps and all kinds of trivial facts. He admits he doesn't like people too much and, no wonder, he has difficulties reading their facial expressions, and hates being touched. But note that he can't tell lies, not even a white lie.

The novel is fast-paced, something you can read on the plane as I did, but be careful because it goes in all sorts of directions as you try to keep up with Christopher's brain, processing the world in the peculiar way autistics do. His trip to London, done on his own, is especially gripping as he tries to figure out what train to take, and how to make his way to a particular address in the city.


Autisms and Asperger'sI'm not surprised Haddon's book is listed in several websites listing resources for families with autistic children. Haddon himself worked with autistics, and deftly drew on his experiences to write this novel. In the process, he reaches a much wider audience with a non-technical perspective on autisms.


I'm using the plural here because autism actually refers to a range of conditions. The term was first coined in Germany in 1912 by the Swiss psychiatrist Paul Bleuler: "autismus" derived from "auto," meaning self and "ismus," the state of. Autism is "the state of self," and was first used to refer to children who seemed caught in their own world, oblivious to their external environment.
In many societies, including our own, such children may be labeled as mentally retarded, and end up isolated and neglected. But the autistic are also often "fixated" on particular tasks, and will exhibit amazing skills in a specific field, such as math, music, painting.


As neurologists and psychiatrists saw more patients, they realized that autism took many variations. Some of the patients were very dependent on their families while others, so-called high-functioning autistics, could live on their own.


In 1944, a Viennese physician, Hans Asperger, published a paper about young boys who had normal intelligence and language development but who had autistic-like behaviors, such as being obsessed with certain routines, and having difficulty reading people's body language and emotions. As with the other autisms, the medical world later realized that Asperger's was more common than they thought, and that some of the people with this condition were very bright and become leaders in professions that require an almost obsessive concentration on particular tasks.


Nerds, geeks, malesIt's not surprising that there's speculation that Albert Einstein had Asperger's. Nerds and geeks may actually be "high-functioning" autistics or people with Asperger's. Note how very bright people will sometimes be very awkward with social skills (sometimes, in exasperation, we even call them "social morons"). Males, incidentally, outnumber females when it comes to autistics (who knows, maybe so-called male insensitivity may actually be a variation of Asperger's).


But we should certainly differentiate people with Asperger's from the mean, the vicious and the corrupt, those who have trapped themselves in dull and drab worlds of their own making, so completely differently from the fascinating and vibrant worlds of autistics and Aspergers.
Haddon's mystery novel allows us to peek into these special minds, while reminding us of how autisms are becoming so much a part of our lives. The psychiatrist Hans Asperger would be pleased, for example, to know his surname is now used rather commonly, as in, "Oh dear, I think I married an Asperger."


As we understand the spectrum of conditions here, we become more accepting, and understanding. Teaching in a university, I can tell you we have more than the regular share of Aspergers, and that this makes life in the academe both exciting ("What a genius. She must be an Asperger.") and exasperating ("Can't he just shut up and let others speak? He must be an Asperger.")


The writing professions, print journalism included, also probably has a greater share of Aspergers, given the way you need to collect and collate facts and images in your head and transform them into an article, essay or novel. Yes, maybe even columnists, especially those who write about the strangest topics, maybe Aspergers.


Disorders or variations?Easy now. I know some of you are getting nervous, the way Aspergers sound like Martians. I can imagine people in offices suddenly asking each other, as they look to a colleague, "Is he or isn't he?"


I do worry that the medical profession, by attaching labels, may inadvertently stigmatize these conditions. There are debates, for example, about what Asperger's really is, with all kinds of alternative labels proposed: Is it a form of high-functioning autism? Or a form of attention-deficit disorder?


The term "disorder" makes me uneasy. Certainly, there are many autistic individuals who need medical and social services, but the nerds and geeks will manage quite well, thank you. In fact, I often tell my students that if all humans were "sosyal," too busy making friends and socializing, humanity would still be stuck in caves. We needed the introverted nerds and geeks retreating into their own worlds to reflect, and to discover fire and invent the first tools.


I'd suggest that by moving away from psychiatric labels with its connotations of medical treatment, we might be in a better position to find social niches for the whole range of autisms. BBC had a news item a few weeks back about a Danish man who had put up a computer programming firm that mainly hired autistics because of the way they could concentrate. It turned out the man has an autistic son, who he hopes will eventually work in that firm.
That is a more dramatic case of carving out a social niche for an autistic child. For families with autistics and Aspergers, a more basic need is to simply pass on some social skills. There are now quite a few books and websites offering advice for families to help autistics function better in society.


Autistics and Aspergers, for example, may have difficulties working with people because they seem selfish and mean, running all over people's feelings with unreasonable demands and blunt remarks. This could be avoided if, in childhood, an Aspergers learns there's a world of people out there who also have their needs, and that they will need to take extra effort to "read" people's feelings. How is this done? Even being conscious about looking into the eyes of a child with Aspergers while communicating is said to be vitally important in teaching some of the basic social skills.


We still have a lot of learn about autistic conditions, and as we learn more, we might come to accept these conditions as part of the variations that make humanity so interesting.

Proud Mom

Im such a proud mom.. Joshwa learned a lot of new things this past few weeks. He can now do his OWN action of Twinkle,Twinkle, Skinny Marie & Itsie Bitsie Spider.Syempre pa kailangan may kumanta pa for him.Ako yun.. I knew my voice will be useful for something . (hahahah).

He can now do other tricks like wave bye, flying kiss, hug, kiss & bless. Some of you might be thinking why should I be so proud of something that seemed normal to other kids. That's because my son may not be normal but he is certainly special. He's Autistic.

It took us 2 years to get to where we are right now. This was a journey that I never thought I would take but still the journey isn't over. I know that the road is tough and I'll be there for him every step of the way.

Someone once asked me how I could handle the fact that he is special and that he may never be like other kids. I just gave them a straight answer. I'm his Mom there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him.

Wifey Troubles

Had an argument with Hubby just now.I couldn't rely on him to help me with anything related to HTML. I wanted a new template for my blog and I've been looking at Blogskin.com. I found something that I liked. Now,I needed some help with the tweeking and to adjust the tagboard.He just refuses to help me. I told him that why can't he help me? He's good with these
things because of his background and he just looks at me and tells me that the blog is there its not his problem and its there for me to figure out. I've been trying to figure out this blog ever since I started to use it. Sorry for the ranting..Im just getting so frustrated that this blog is not looking like the way I envisioned it or the way its supposed to look like..

.. Aarrghh.. I rest my case.

Here's a good article on Secondary Infertility. I can relate to this article because I have it.

Secondary Infertility
by: Psyche Pascual

Finding out you're infertile can be agonizing, and reaching out to friends and family for support is natural. But when couples or individuals have had one child and face difficulties having another, they often get little or no sympathy from the people around them. This type of infertility is called secondary infertility, and it can be as painful as being unable to conceive a first child (primary infertility).

Even friendly queries from a relative or friend, like "When are you having another child?" can sting, especially when a couple has been trying for years to have one. If a couple does go through expensive fertility treatment, friends and family members may not understand the emotional and financial toll it can exact. Infertility support groups may not help because people dealing with secondary infertility may find that members are less understanding to anyone who already has a child.

It's no wonder that secondary infertility is considered an invisible dilemma, and that so many suffering from it feel shut out of the world around them.


The good news is that there are many options for people who want more children. Before fertility treatment, though, talk with your partner about how much you want or can afford. Depending on your prognosis and finances, you may eventually want to consider other options, such as adoption.

An Article Involving A Mother and Her Autistic Son
(Breaktime Section by Ms Banal Philippine Daily Inquirer, July 31, 2004)

This one is for the books, and it happened at SM Megamall, the most popular mall of retail magnate Henry “Tatang” Sy, who is building malls over the country.
It seems that one day, a certain Ruby Javier went to Megamall at 12 noon to pay for her utilities at the SM customer service counter.
Aling Ruby always had to tow with her a 17 year-old special child, her son Francis, who has autism, diagnosed by doctors to have a mental capacity of a 6-yearold.
Francis, like most autistic children, had difficulty in expressing himself. He could hardly talk. But he is never violent.
That day at the mall, while Aling Ruby was doing her business at the SM Supermarket, she somehow lost sight of Francis. He drifted away somewhere at the mall unknown to the mother.
And it was the most harrowing 12 hours for Aling Ruby, trying to look for her son, without much help from the Megamall management, thank you.

A soon as she became aware that Francis was missing, Aling Ruby informed the Megamall security office.
Hours passed and still no action from the megamall security office, Aling Ruby was told to go to the police instead. The police asked her for photographs of the missing Francis.
But then the poor Aling Ruby was on her own looking for her son. After hours of searching and asking around the mall, she found out that Francis actually drifted to the area of the cinemas.

There, as it turned out, Francis tried to go into one of the theatres showing Harry Potter film. The security guard rough-housed Francis for trying to go in without paying.
As if it was not enough, the cinema security turned over Francis to the mall security. Without much ado, the mall security kicked Francis out of the mall. There – the problem solved.
The poor special child drifted outside in the streets for more than 15 hours. Call it mother’s instinct, but Aling Ruby was able to find her son seating outside another mall, several kilometers away from Megamall, at way past midnight.
I can only say this to the Megamall management: heaven help me in what I might do, should something like that happen to my godson, a nephew of mine, who has the same condition as Francis!

You guys there at Megamall have a problem!

Treats for a sweet tooth, time-kissed pretty clothes, and happy feet
LOVE LUCY By Lucy GomezThe Philippine STAR 08/01/2004

You know how it is when you chance upon wonderful stuff just when you least expect to? Call them luck-kissed finds, karmic doodads, happy destinies – whatever title you blanket them under they are all the same in that they make for very happy smiles. This past week has been an overflow of such "good things", to quote Martha Stewart my favorite (in)famous celebrity, and I cannot wait for you to check them out yourselves. Here’s hoping you will enjoy (and yes, love) them as much as I have.

Cassava Bibingka – from a lady named Ping. Aside from having a sweet tooth I am also especially drawn to native kakanin. In Ormoc, there are a number of good cassava cakes, budbud, balanghoy – available at little cottage industries that have stood the test of time and change. Whenever my family visits, most especially my sister, they always hand-carry for me my hometown edible favorites. And now with this cassava bibingka that is easily just a text message away, I could not be happier. From today onwards, I will have no room for longing. Her cassava bibingka is delicious beyond words. The lady who makes it has had the recipe for a total of 20 years and despite the demand and the urgings of friends for her to sell it commercially she did not. But time has a way of pushing one in the right direction and she has finally given in to what she has deprived us of for so long and will now take orders (thank God!). Her goodies are a steal at only P250 for the small size and P450 for the larger one. And should you need to give them as gifts, they come very prettily packaged, too. Best eaten warm, although others may prefer it cold – either way, you are sure to love it. For orders, text or call Ping at 0917-6255123.


Brownies – from Roshan. And I thought I had already tasted all the good ones out there. This one, a definite must-try, will easily become a favorite. Guaranteed. Truth be told, Roshan is not a recent find (I have enjoyed her treats for over a year now) – but I discovered her by chance after Chechel, a friend of mine sent me some. She came to mind again earlier this week because a friend of mine and I were talking about the best places to order brownies from. Her brownies are consistently moist, with just the right amount of chocolatey sweetness and a taste that brings you back to some faintly-remembered home. I often enjoy it guiltlessly by dunking a whole brownie in a glass of full cream milk. As they absorb the milk, so too do they break down in huge chunks; only then do I spoon them out of the goop. Talk about melt-in-your-mouth goodness. Try it, this treat is perfect for a rainy day. Although the brownies can be eaten warm or cold, I prefer the former. For orders, call or text Roshan at 0917-8336286. By the way, she also makes to-die-for chocolate chip cookies and sylvannas. Her chocolate cake, no-fuss in its traditional goodness, comes with a generous amount of icing all over and in between.


Be sure to taste these three items, too. 27 ans – a clothing line available at Souk in Crecsent Building, San Miguel Avenue, Ortigas. I went there looking for something else and Heidi, who takes wonderful care of all Souk clients, led me to this rack of one-of-a-kind vintage pieces hand-picked and reworked by Tracie Anglo-Dizon. I met and worked with Tracie once for a Preview shoot but I haven’t seen her since. The beautiful pieces, maybe because of the patina of time, have a distinct, appealing old-world charm about them. They are just lovely and being draped in them almost transports you back to a time when being prettily dressed was as normal for a dinner out with your man as it was for a walk in the park. I especially fell in love with a pretty embroidered pink top, beribboned at the waist with a bright blue velvet ribbon (it was on reserve for someone else, boohoohoo), a white eyelet vest, also beribboned at the waist (it was way too big for me) and a blue knit sleeveless blouson reworked with paisley-print patches. Aside from being in very good condition, they are also one-of-a-kind so you can truly create a look that is all your own. I asked Heidi why the line is called 27 ans and she explained that apparently, anything over 27 years old (ans is French for years) is considered vintage. Don’t you just like the sound of that? It is enough reason for me to not only invest in good clothes but at the same time take care of and safe-keep them for Juliana (and her future sisters) to enjoy. On my next trip to Cebu, I cannot wait to raid the bauls in my maternal grandmother’s home. I’m sure there will be a treasure trove of vintage items waiting to be resurrected. Having 27 ans around easily beats having to go through piles and piles of dusty, vintage pieces that often abound in thrift stores. Another plus, they come tagged with very reasonable pricing, too.


Pretty Fit – Many thanks to Tim Yap, who invited me over to the store opening that he organized, I got wind of this pretty, pretty shoe store that is a franchise from Singapore. They carry a myriad of fashionable footwear, the styles and color of which remind me of eye candy. There is nothing boring about them; there available are glittery and bejeweled evening sandals, chic ballet flats with interesting details, patterned slip-ons for everyday wear that look anything but ordinary – and they carry up to a size 11! Even better is the fact that they are all very reasonably priced (starting at P1,000+ onwards). No wonder there was a mad clamor the day that they opened. Although I did not get a chance to really check out their men’s line, they do have a rack devoted to male footwear. With Pretty Fit now available locally, there is one more good reason to display a neat pedicure. Their shoes will surely make feet, well, nothing less than pretty. Pretty Fit is available at Glorietta 3, beside the Dockers store. Take the entrance by Tower Records for a faster way to get there.


Finally, have you tried the new Strawberries and Cream drink from Starbucks? It is just delightful. That and their Green Tea Frapuccino and I will love them forever. I am especially addicted to the latter, there was a time when I was enjoying it on a daily basis until I realized that I was enjoying it too much and not working it off enough. Now I limit my intake to times when I truly "deserve" to indulge in a glass – after a good dance workout or when it is raining really hard (which thankfully happens often enough nowadays). Talk about a sweet reward that I do not seem to tire of. You will understand why when you try it yourself. There you have it, you may be a tad thicker around the waist area after all the sweet treats, your money purse a bit less robust after a pair or two of shoes from Pretty Fit and a top from 27 ans but who can accuse you of not enjoying what is readily available and in the process grinning from ear to ear like a little girl at least once? Till next time, have a great Sunday!

Scrapbooking

 

 

Scrapbooking is my latest passion., "I started with my son’ s album which I never did finish because my sister did that for my son. Then I started to use some of my photos for my scrapbook. I didn’t have a theme of what I wanted I would just look at the photo and the papers that I have and then I’d just take off from there. In the five months since I started scrapbooking, I discovered some unexpected advantages. I like coming home in the evenings, the weekends, it's just a stress reliever. I just love sitting down and letting my creative juices flow .


I really think that scrapbooking is a great  hobby that can have therapeutic effects. Many people who enjoy scrapbooking say they reap other benefits besides pretty books. Some believe the cutting and creating actually make them feel better. It turns out, the experts agree. They say scrapbooking can be quite therapeutic. I think it helps people express themselves different ways through arts and crafts."


Just looking at the pictures can often bring a smile to my face. It's looking back at your photos and reliving those fun times that you've taken those pictures of."There's a sense of reminiscing. I would look at it and it would really help me to recollect happy memories of the past."


And to think that I never really thought I would be a good scrapper. I would be embarrassed to show my work to my friends. Til I realized I wasn’t doing this for other people. I was doing this for myself. That was when my whole attitude started to change. Now, I really do believe that the therapeutic benefits of scrapbooking today will translate into treasured keepsakes tomorrow. I think you can make your own memories that will last for generations. I can see our kids some day fighting over our albums. 

MEA CULPA

This day wasn't a good day. Think Murphy's law. I've been given a VERY HUGE dose of reality check about some things that I have been doing.. Because of this allow me to say MEA CULPA to the following people in my life:

My husband.. Im sorry because I know that I'm not the wife that you wanted. You wanted a picture perfect wife. Someone who looks good under a 120 LBS. Cooks great to boot. I know you think that I'll always be there. but I might not be.

My Son: Im sorry that Im not the perfect mom. That I scream at you when I think you're going to jump from out of nowhere. I'm sorry that I couldn't afford to bring you to the best doctors or send you to the best schools.

My Parents.. I'm sorry for not living up to your expectations..

My Sisters.. I'm sorry for not being the great example that I should be

My In-Laws: I'm sorry for not being the daughter in law that you wanted.

My Old Friends: I'm sorry for letting you down.. For thinking only of myself and not thinking of the consequences my actions. Although I thought my intentions were good.. Still..You trusted me and stayed with me in my lowest hours and yet I betrayed you and I let you down. No matter what I do I could never repay the kindness and acceptance you have shown me.I have tried to ask for forgiveness but I have failed because admitting it and accepting it may never be enough..I know in my heart, time may not be able to heal those wounds. Forget about me and move on. I'm not worthy of your anger.

Thibling Thurthday Q's

1.  Were you the youngest, the oldest, an "only", or a middle child?  How about your spouse?
==>>>Im the eldest in a family of 3 ( all girls) pero pag nakita nyo yung sisters ko parang ako ang bunso. Pandak kasi ako eh.. Saka sa itsura latak talaga ako.. Ironic nga lang kasi eldest ako.

+++>> Philbert is the youngest in a family of 3 (1 Guy, 1 girl and him)

2.  Growing up, did you share a bedroom or did you have your own room?
===>> I didn't have my own room
++++>> Philbert shared his room with his brother but when his brother went to college he stayed in his brother's room.

3.  Do you feel that you were treated equally as your sibilings (if you had any)?
===>>>No..I didn't.. My dad's favorite was my sister Grish(athletic kasi) and my mom's was the youngest Nets (malambing kasi eh)But while I was growing up I was attached to my Lola.. ( my maternal grandmother)
+++++>>> Philbert says for most part yes naman daw but ang favorite ng Nanay nila was his Kuya.

4.  If you were an only child, do you wish you had siblings?

===>>There was a time  that I wished that I was an only child.. hahahha baligtad..

 

5.a.  What were some of the advantages you experienced with regards to your position/birth order in the family?
===>>Pag may new toy ako mauuna pumili, may party lagi c/o my lola, I was lucky that since i'm the eldest I had the best ninangs   ,(who up to now is still in my life), lola's pet kasi ako ang eldest na apo nya, Mas maraming photos.
++++>> Mas lax na daw ang magulang ni Philbert. Di na sya masyado pinapagalitan.

 

5.b.  What were some of the disadvantges?

====>> Laging included sa bawat sermon na ATE ka dapat ikaw ang good example. Kaya i guess i sort of hated that kaya di kopinapakinggan sermon nyan.Saka kahit nag aaway kami sinasabi lagi dont fight back kasi Ate ka. Kaya I never did.Di na ako nagkaron ng chance to prove my authority. Kaya minsan maski sobra na ginagawa I just grin and smile.Kaya ata ganito ako eh,Because I was raised that way.So finally nainis na parents ko kasi di talaga ako maasahan. I was lazy and lax.Kaya ang  binigay na yung expectation sa sister ko.Another disadvantage since I tend to be goofing off A LOT no one in my family really took me seriously so I didnt take my self seriously either.

++++++>>> Si Philbert naman ang disadvantage lang is di sila magkasundo ng kuya nya because of the age gap.Saka laging sya ang  inuutusan.. Although di masyado ang expectations sa kanya ng parents nya. Medyo pressured sya sa mga achievements ng Kuya nya set by other people. Kaya ang resulta nagloko si Philbert nung college.
 

6.  What roles did your siblings have at your wedding?

===>> my sister Grish was the bridesmaid & my other sister Nets was the candle sponsor.
++++>> Sa side ni Philbert di sumali ang sister nya sa entourage kasi at that time di pa kami close and yung kuya nya nasa US na nakatira.

 

7.  What are some values your family instilled in you?

 ===>>> Leirs: always stick together, live within your means,

++++>> Philbert: Kaya nyong mabuhay ng walang utang.. Wag kakalimutan yung pinagmulan. 
 

 

 

Heaven's Grocery Store
Written by: Ron DeMarco & Friend

 

 

 

 

I was walking down life's highwaya long time ago.

One day I saw a sign that read Heaven's Grocery Store.

 

As I got a little closer,the door came open wide,

And when I came to myself, I was standing inside.

 

I saw a host of angels; they were standing everywhere.

And one angel said," My child shop with care."

 

Everything a Christian needs was in the grocery store.

And all you couldn't carry you could come back the next day for more.

 

First I got some patience,love was in the same row.

Further down was understanding, you need that everywhere you go.

 

I got a box or two of wisdom, a bag or two of faith.

I just couldn't miss the Holy Ghost for He was all over the place.

 

I stopped to get some strength & courageto help me run the race.

But then my basket was getting full, but I remembered I needed some grace.

 

I didn't forget salvation for salvationwas free.

So, I tried to get enough of that to save you and me.

 

Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill.
For I thought I had everything to do my Masters will.

As I went up the aisle, I saw prayer andjust had to put that in.

For I knew when I stepped outside, I would run right into sin.

Peace and joy were plentiful, they were on the last shelf.

Song and praises were hanging nearso I just helped myself.

I asked, How much do I owe?He just smiled and said,

just take them everywhere you go.

Then I said, How much do I really owe?

He smiled and said, My child, Jesus paid your bill a long time ago. 
 

 

  Thursday Q's- Off To Work We Go!
1.What is your current job title? How about your spouse's?
My title is Admin Assistant - and Philbert  will be an Assistant Manager by Aug 1 (Yeah!!)

2.What kind of education and training/experience does this position require for your job?
I'm a sociology major.. which I didnt really get to practice because I started working for my dad.
3.What days/hours are you required to work? What about your spouse?
Leirs: Monday-Friday, 8.30am to 5pm Philbert: Monday-Friday, 8.30am to 5pm. But starting Aug 1 he can opt to come on work late say 10am and can still leave by 5 PM

4.What kind of benefits (if any) do you receive?
For my position, I have the following:- housing allowance- Therapy Allowance for Joshwa-all expense paid vacations- sick leave benefits-salary loans-Bonus

- For Philbert he has the following:- Insurance Plan ( parang pension)- health insurance -  vacation and sick leave benefits-laptop & cell phone- he can also opt to have a flexi-work schedule if he wishes to do so.-Bonus

5.Is this a vocation for a lifetime, or will you be moving on to biggerand better things? (However you want to define bigger and better ;)
 
i think so.. but my future goal is to work from the home and to be there for Joshwa.

 6.What is the best part of your job?
being able to watch tv, sleep on the couch, and do my scrapbook

7.What is your least favorite duty at your job?
when my dad gets mad..he gets really mad..another least favorite job is doing anything thats related to numbers.

8.If you have children, how did/do you manage working and caring for kids? If you plan to have children, how will you manage working and caring for kids.
I have a very reliable yaya who is always there to help me with Joshwa.

The air was brisk with the morning sun rising slowly behind the windswept trees shrouded in a morning mist. I stood on the balcony wearing nothing but my bathrobe to ward off the mornings chill, calmly listening to the gentle pouring of the rain. A comforting change from the night before when the wind was foul, whipping and churning to a frenzy. Late in the night, a few hours before dawn, the storm had weakened and a peaceful calm had set in, leaving a chance to get some restful sleep. Today was my wedding day, finally Philbert and I would be man and wife.It would be the start of the rest of our lives.

Fast forward to today.. We've been married for 4 years.It wasn't easy but we're still together. Yes we have our fights but I take comfort in the fact that I know he loves me..There were many times that I had come close to saying its over..its too much work and not even worth it. But when I look at our wedding photos. I remember the promise of forever and commitment.. I will always remember the words of M. Scott Peck.
Love is not a feeling... It's a commitment and Alas.. Here I am still dreaming of our years to come..



Grishan ,Rescy,Me, Gandhi,Rhanesa, Brox



Rhanesa, Rescy,Me,Philbert,Gandhi,Grishan & Brox

SAYING GOODBYE
Jennifer Cuaycong

Sitting by my lonesome, in the middle of the night, in a darkened living room, I find great peace in the silence that surrounds me. Every now and then, when I feel the urge to unwind, I brew myself a cup of tea and sit alone in the living room. At two in the morning, everyone else is asleep in the house and I have my thoughts all to myself.

The house seems larger in the darkness. The pitter-patter of tiny raindrops hitting the roof and windowsills gives me great comfort. I am alone, but not lonely.

Having this luxury of time and space has given me ample time to reflect and think about the choices I've made in my life. Late at night, when you have nothing else left to think of, when the dishes have been washed, the laundry done, the kids put to bed, and your husband sleeps soundly amid the snores of little children, you find the sudden freedom exhilarating.

These nights of silence have ushered a time of change for me. Spring cleaning, I call it, a time to clean house and home, as well as body, mind, and spirit. It is a time to nurture and love the person in me, and to give back a little to myself after all these years of spreading myself too thin. Changing my consciousness, a little at a time, started with analyzing who I was and what my core values really were. Once I was really ready to live out my life the way I believed, it was time to start the cleaning.

This month, I clean up my heart.

They say that in our lifetime, our soul has the task to learn valuable lessons that will help it to grow to fulfillment as God's child. Many times, we fail to learn these lessons out of sheer stubbornness and intractability. Fortunately, we don't get to blow all our chances as life keeps presenting us with opportunities until we finally get it right. I never really understood this until a few weeks ago when, after a long night of introspection, I was overwhelmed by a sudden onslaught of sublimated emotions.

That night, as I sifted through a box of old pictures, I thought long and hard about the people who were extensions of my life. A sharp pain seared my heart as I unburied one picture hidden in the pile. It was a picture of better times, many years ago, when my friend and I called each other sisters.

She was special to me in a lot of ways. I took to her immediately, and as friendships go, I gave her my trust and complete faith. I thought I had hers as well.

And then one day, she suddenly stopped talking to me. I called her and she refused to speak with me. There was always someone, something -- anything -- in the way. For more than a month, I persisted and insisted that we talk, but she shut me out completely. I still remember that moment after the last phone call. It was the last time I tried to reach her. I sat stunned, bewildered, and overwhelmed with sadness.

I did not know what caused her to withdraw her friendship, and for many months, I was ignorant of the truth. Until one day, when someone close to both of us finally told me and I was shattered all over again. Was my friendship that insignificant to her? Were my words too worthless to be believed? I was judged and discarded without ever being heard. I felt betrayed.

From then on, I had to learn to live my life all over again, the knowledge of her emotional betrayal lurking in the fringes of a memory that I tried to ease out of my consciousness. I went on with my life, concentrated solely on the people who loved me -- my family -- and ignored the pain that throbbed still. I moved on.

Years passed in silence. Oh sure, I'd hear snippets of her life from other people, as I'd also hear what they say she said about me. They didn't bother me by then. She was so far removed from my life that I could remember only flashes of disjointed memories. By then, the pain had lost its sharp cutting edge and I could live happily with its dull, inconsistent twinge.

A phone call from her ended the standoff. When I heard her voice for the first time in years, that self-imposed dam of discipline cracked and a flood of unrecognized feelings broke through. I wept in unbridled grief and joy.

Yet, I should have known that things would never be the same after those years of separation. I was naive to believe that there was room in her life for me again, just as I made room in my life for her. Little by little, we found that we had very little in common with each other anymore.

All those years apart made us different from each other. She was a stranger to me, and perhaps I to her. Even as I'd like to believe that I had not changed too much, she was a total revelation to me. I did not know the person she had become.

Our values were no longer the same. She hankered for things I had no interest in. She did not hold the things I valued as sacred. And whereas once upon a time, we agreed on almost everything, this time, staying mum was all I could do to keep my tongue in check.

Perhaps she felt the same of me but I was too blind or too deaf to notice. There were times when I sensed a hardness in her, a new, bitter edge that cut deeply through scathing, disdainful or patronizing remarks. However, I shrugged them all off, hopeful that time will wear out the wariness and distrust and return the warm feelings of fellowship.

That day never came.

Our correspondence today is erratic and superficial, at best. Months will come and go and I will not hear from her, and then one day, a message will come just to say that she's busy with her life, ciao. I used to hold my breath and check my mail daily for the next word, the next line, the next chapter in her life. I got tired of waiting.

And so today, I say goodbye to this friend. We were sisters once upon a time, and I will always look back to those days with fondness. But today, she is a stranger and I refuse to let her in my life again. She will not hurt me again.

Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do to yourself is to acknowledge that not all relationships will work out the way you want them to. Once you find that a relationship eats at your soul and gnaws at your heart, it is time to let go. When spending time with this person leaves you unhappy about yourself, cut the toxic strings. When you find your thoughts and words constantly censored and stifled for fear of displeasing that person, turn away and say goodbye. It is time to prune your life.

This isn't easy for me. Some nights, I still harbor the illusion that my old friend is back, and she is once again the same person I met many years ago. I vacillate and think: what are a few years in the grand scheme of things? I can wait for her to return and be my friend again.

But as I sit here where I find the most peace, staring at the sleeping forms of my loved ones -- Anthony, Alexander, and Alphonse -- I realize that I am wasting my energy on someone who has been lost to me a long time ago. Right before my eyes, within my arms' reach, I have the ones who really matter with me still, and I cannot waste a single moment.

It is true, then, that no matter how many times you knock your head on the wall trying to right a wrong or trying to undo what's done, it won't happen unless it was meant to. And what is meant to be is this: that I stop living for people who do not matter and start finding peace, joy, and contentment with the ones who do.

Goodbye, my friend of long ago. I must stop traveling down the same road with you. But I shall always wish you well on your journey. Godspeed.



PINKY O. CUAYCONG is a homemaker who gave up a promising medical career to care for the three men in her life. To this day, her husband continues to pray she does not wake up from her stupor and wonder what the heck made her do such a thing.