More About School..

Di ko nga pala nasabi yung details ng schooling ko.
Im currently taking up Certificate in Education sa
Makati University. Initially inisip ko baduy naman
bakit dun pa pero naisip ko. If I need it, I really
need it so di ako puedeng mamili ng school and the
tuition ain't bad either. PhP 1,600 per semester
lahat na yun.

Tapos I discovered na lahat pala ng magiging
teachers ko may PHD. Not bad naman pala.

Ngayon ang hassle na lang sa akin ang
mag commute ng malayo medyo malayo kasi
ang school kung saan ako nakatira pero
kaunting tiis na lang. 2 Semesters lang naman
ako dun.

Then next year I'll be moving to another
school sa Philippine Normal University to
take up my specialization. (feeling ko mag
doctor ako) . Sabi sa akin I need to get at
least 18 Units ng Education Units kaya eto
na nga ginagawa ko na.

Pasukan Na..

Start na ng classes namin nung Monday.
It felt weird to be called by your real name.
Okay naman pala sya, iniisip ko kasi baka
ma-out of place ako. Pero nung nag start
na di na rin pala ako out of place. Kasi
lahat naman kami andun para mag-aral
at para matuto. Tapos puro research rin
gagawin. Medyo natuwa ako kasi ganun
din ako nung college puro research
ang ginagawa.

Mabait naman yung mga classmates ko.
Mayroon na rin akong naging kaibigan
although sa isang subject ko lang sya
classmate nalaman ko na malapit lang
sya sa akin. Kaya tuwing pag uwi sabay
na lang kami.

Bigla ko ga naisip sana pala noon ko
pa ginawa ito.Pero madaming bagay
sa buhay ko ang ay laging karugtong na
sana noon ko pa ginawa. Wala na akong
magagawa dun eh tapos na yun. Kahit
ano pang gawin ko di ko na mababalik.
Puede ko na lang gawin pag butihan ko
yung ngayon para maging maganda ang
bukas.

Happy Fathers Day!

Happy Fathers Day Philbert



I know sometimes Im guilty of saying that
you are not a good husband. I can never say
that you were not a good father. I couldn't
have asked for a better father for Joshwa
Joshwa is so lucky to have a dad like you.
When I couldn't get up to give him his bottle
in the middle of the night you did it without
any complaints. You gave him his daily bath
and never said a word of protest.

You always took time out to play with him
and bring him a toy whenever you can.
Joshwa loves you so much and he misses
you so much. Sometimes he looks
for you and it hurts to see him to always
keep saying Daddy and you're not here
to hear that.Im sorry that I'm always
on your case as to when we can join you
I just miss you much and we love you
so much.

Officially A Student

Naka enroll na ako sa wakas.. Nakahanap na ako
ng school na tatanggap sa akin. This may
pave the way for a fresh new start for Joshwa
and me.

Medyo biglaan nga ang pagka enroll
ko kasi tumawag lang ako para
magtanong kung kailan puede mag
enroll for Second Semester. Sabi sa akin
punta ka na ngayon puede ka pa humabol
for 1st Semester. Kaya ayun nagpunta ako
nag exam tapos nagfill out ng forms nagpa
assess the next day nakapag pa enroll na ako

Its our 6th Year Anniversary on Sunday.
Then I heard our song on the radio.
Baduy but we really like this song..
But this is not really like a typical
love song and it actually describes what
I feel at the moment.


Walking After You
by Foo Fighters

Tonight I'm tangled in my
blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just won't do
without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back,
I'm on your back

If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
If you'd accept surrender,
give up some more
Weren't you adored

I cannot be without you,
matter of fact
Ooh I'm on your back
I'm on your back
Ooh I'm on your back
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
Another heart is cracked in two,
I'm on your back Ooh
I cannot be without you, matter of fact

Ooh I'm on your back
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me,
I'm walking after you
Another heart is cracked in two,
I'm on your back Ooh

I had a good week no drama of any sort
happening in my life. Except that some of
my plans are again on hold. I cant go back to
school just yet although I want to but something
tells me that this isn't the right time.

Im trying to fix Joshwa's transfer to a new school
I just found out that PGH has a SPED School and
that's where I want to move Joshwa.
Kasi I know magagaling ang hahawak na doctors
and specialists sa kanya. So tomorrow aga kami
punta around 6am sana magising ako para
maaga.I've heard horror stories kung gaano
kahaba ang pila sa Out Patient Department nila.

Going to PGH and passing through Ward 9
the primary beneficiary of Give a Life
was a HUGE HUGE reality check for me
kasi I used to look at other kids say to myself
if only Joshwa wasn't like this he would be like
that. Pero nung pumunta ako dun parang sinasabi
sa akin na would you rather that Joshwa be able
to be" normal" and yet be confined here.

I heard a sermon that really struck me about
always wanting what we have and always looking
through other people's fences. Thats something that
I want to change. Joshwa is what he is and
I've learned to accept that kaya lang I guess
those are the moments of weakness for me.

Kuento Kuwento

I read somewhere na okay na browser ang firefox
Syempre hanap naman ako sa Limewire
para mag download. Tapos nung nakita na
gawa sya ng Mozilla. Meron pala ako nun.
Tanga ko talaga.. Saka its just similar to the
Netscape Navigator.


I've been okay lately.The depression is
under control siguro kasi I've been going
to church and I've been attending my
cell group meetings. Di ko alam kung ano
ang connection nun pero malaki talaga
naitulong sa akin.

On another note Mama and Papa will be
going to the US in December. Iwan muna
kami ni Joshwa. Although nalungkot ako
naintindihan ko rin naman kung bakit.
I plan to go on a vacation with Josh iniisip ko
pa kung saan. Kung sa Boracay or Sa Dipolog
and Dumaguete. Kung may pera ako we
just might do both. Either way we will really
go I dont want to stay here na wala sila.
Neither do I want to spend the holidays with
my In Law's. If worse comes to worse at di talaga
makaalis check in na lang kami sa hotel ni Joshwa.

I've seen In Good Company last night
for some reason di ako masaya dun sa
movie. Ewan ko ba di pa rin ako maka get over
na di lahat ng movie eh magkakatuluyan.
(sorry kung spoiler)

Someone sent this to me i think this is
worth reading

Reflections of a Mom...
Author: Anonymous

I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.
I can teach you things,
but I cannot make you learn.
I can give you directions,
but I cannot be there to lead you.
I can allow you freedom
, but I cannot account for it.
I can share my faith with you,
but I cannot make you believe.
I can teach you right from wrong,
but I cannot always decide for you.

I can buy you beautiful clothes,
but I cannot make you beautiful inside.
I can offer you advice,
but I cannot accept it for you.
I can give you love,
but I cannot force it upon you.
I can teach you to share,
but I cannot make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect,
but I cannot force you to show honor.
I can advise you about friends,
but cannot choose them for you.
I can advise you about sex,
but I cannot keep you pure.
I can tell you the facts of life,
but I can't build your reputation.
I can tell you about alcohol,
but I can't say "no" for you.
I can warn you about drugs,
but I can't prevent you from using them.

I can tell you about lofty goals,
but I can't achieve them for you.
I can teach you about kindness,
but I can't force you to be gracious.
I can warn you about sins,
but I cannot make you moral.
I can love you as a child,
but I cannot place you in God's family.
I can pray for you,
but I cannot make you walk with God.
I can teach you about Jesus,
but I cannot make Jesus your Lord.
I can tell you how to live,
but I cannot give you eternal life.

Happy Mother's Day to Everyone maski
yung walang anak kasi I truly believe that
Women are mothers one way or the other.

Someone asked me this questions..
I figured i'd post this on my blog
so that you know how I really am and
how I'm coping. To those of you who
will tell me get over it and post about
something else this is my blog my online
journal my personal space. (enough said)

How are you doing without Philbert?

When people usually ask me that question
I always have the "safe" answer, I tell them
I'm okay.. I'm fine. I'll tell you the truth I'm
lonely, alone,miserable and my depression is
creeping up on me. I know I shouldnt be but
I cant help it. He's , soulmate and my bestfriend
and now he's not here I feel so alone.

How's Joshwa?
Joshwa is okay.We will try medication
soon as soon I can afford it I will try it.
Unfortunately, he doesnt ask for his dad
anymore usually when someone is at the door
he would shout and smile and say Didi!!
(short for daddy) but now its not
there anymore.


How in the world are you coping
when you're by yourself?

Im failing miserably.. I mean in all honesty
I'm not doing great at all things have been
going so bad with me and Im having problems
financially sometimes my dad would say
that he made a mistake nung pinauwi nya
pa ako dito.Which I also think so too..
But kung di naman ko umuwi paano naman
si Joshwa I wouldn't want to leave him here.
What kind would a mother would I be If
I just didnt go back for him. I cant judge
other moms who could do that but I can't.
I can never live with myself kung di na ako
bumalik for him.

Are you ok?
Im not i miss him so much
as in everyday i think about him and I worry
about him kung okay ba sya or ano na ba
nangyayari sa kanya. Bago ako umuwi he asked
me to stay with him kasi di daw nya kaya na wala
ako pero like what I said I had to make that very
difficult decision.I know the bible would said
unahin ko husband ko pero I felt na mas
kailangan naman ako ni Joshwa.
Philbert needs me too but Joshwa needed
me more. Sometimes I get mad that people
would say buti pa si Philbert asa abroad na
I just smile and not say anything at them
pero sa totoo lang sometimes I cant take it
anymore gusto ko na lang umuwi sya.
I also hate the way his mom flaunts it
na she's so sad na andun na si Philbert
I know she's proud. Pero iniisip ko bakit
ako lang malungkot na wala sya bakit sila
kunwari lang malungkot pero masaya sila
na malayo sya kasi iniisip nila makakatulong
na kami financially sa kanila.
In my mothers in laws case totoo ito I
know her too well. I know that if i tell him
to go home he will but I dont want him to
resent me na pinauwi ko sya dito.
Ano ba meron dito sa Philippines
Palubog na eh.

What have you been up to?

Im still working for my dad, trying to figure
out the bio-medical intervention aspect for
Joshwa and still scrapbooking.
Scrapbooking is really my passion it
was a great outlet for me. It brought out
something in me that I never really knew I had.

How is Philbert doing?

Philbert is great,, He found a job that he wanted
He is now working for a Auto Supply Parts
Company as a computer technician.
He recently bought a car and enjoys the American Life.


Are you able to join him soon....or do you want to?

Im not sure about joining him soon.
Im going to try my best to apply for a
visa in September. If ma deny okay lang at
least I tried if ma approve that would be really
great. I want to see him and be with him.
Im ready na to let go of my life and everything
here makasama ko lang sya.
I dont know how long I can take to be
apart from him. This has been so hard for me.

Nobody has really asked me that kung okay
lang ba or kung how am I coping.
They all ask me kung kumusta na si Philbert
pero no one really asked kung kumusta na ako.
I know that's a selfish question or statement.
Pero Im really going through a tough time right now.

Please pray for me that i can get through this..
We usually fight and argue a lot and I suddenly
miss that.

Im excited about the next approach to
Joshwa's therapy. We're going to do the
Bio-Medical Approach.

I found 2 other parents and we will be doing
chelation together.

Here are some bits and pieces of my research.

What is Chelation?Chelation
(pronounced key-LAY-shun) is a term
derived from the Greek chele, meaning "claw."
A chelation agent is a chemical agent that, like a
claw, grabs and chemically bonds with metals or
other minerals and toxins. Simply put, chelation
is the process in which chemicals bind with minerals.
While chelation is a naturally occurring biological
process (hemoglobin binds with iron to provide
oxygen to tissues), synthesized chelation agents
were first developed during World War II as a
way to clear toxic metals from the body.

Chemists discovered they could create a
heterocycling ring of molecules which surround
or "sequester" mineral molecules and carry them
from the body through normal elimination.

This process of chelation actually removes
unwanted metals from the bloodstream.
In fact, chelation therapy is the only way
to treat lead poisoning. But lead is not the
only metal cleansed from the body through
chelation. A chelation agent will also bind with
most metals, mineral deposits, calcium-based
plaques and other chemical toxins.

I believe that my son has been mercury
poisoned. Syempre iisipin nyo naghahanap
lang ako ng sisisihin. According to research
a mother who has Amalgam filling can
pass on the mercury to her unborn child.
Of course you will think its just a
coincidence but in our egroup of
80 parents all of the mothers have
amalgam fillings.

Plus the fact that the child will have
vaccinations will of course bring more
mercury to the child's body. The nail
that will seal the coffin is the MMR
because it weakens the immune system.

Since the figures of kids afflicted with Autism
were escalating. There was a research that
was done here in Tagum, Davao City.
They went to a hospital near Compostella
Valley near the mining site because there
were large amounts of mercury there.
They studied the cord and meconium
of newborns.. There was one batch that
had no mercury in the cord but it was
found in the meconium. But there
was another batch that had mercury on the
cord but not on the meconium. Which
means that the child could not
excrete the mercury it was deposited
on the brain.


This findings are all scientific..
I dont mean to scare anyone neither
do I want to look for an excuse.
I just refuse to accept the fact that
this is it for Joshwa he deserves a
fighting chance. I owe it to my child
to try everything so that I could help
him. If chelation is not the answer
then I'll move on to the next one.

I thank God that he sent me angels
that will go through the journey with me.

Okay na ako

I decided to shift my focus on to other
things. As my dear friend once told me
you can't be depressed all the time.

I know I really need to learn how
to refocus my attention and my
energy. I can't waste my time whinning
and crying about things that I can't control.

I miss Philbert I really do.
But there's nothing I can't do but wait.
We made that choice together for him
to stay behind and try to see if It
will work out.

Nakakapagod na pala maging malungkot.
Nakakapagod maging takot sa hinaharap
Nakakapagod pag madaming dinadala.

So I will try to be more proactive.
Im going back to school to get some
units. I volunteered to take on
two new projects and on top of that
A friend and I decided to form a small
business. Hopefully this will work out
if it doesn't then we will learn from
our mistakes and move on.

That's what life is all about.
Take what you can and learn from it
and if you can't then leave it behind
because someone might use it and in
life we have to learn to travel light.

The Wedding Date

I decided to leave work early to watch a movie
alone and I chose to watch The Wedding Date.
Thanks to Leah for calling my attention..It
was not my intention to post something
without crediting those who wrote it.


The Wedding Date: A Movie Review
http://movies.yahoo.com/



This movie was a fairly typical romantic comedy,
though at times it packed some great plot punches.
The acting wasn't superb. Dermot Mulroney's
character and other supporting actors characters
were, at times, overdone. The cast's saving Grace
was Debra Messing, who played her character
exceedingly well. Direction could've been done by
anyone. Don't get me wrong-- It wasn't bad.
It's just okay.

The visuals were good. I'm a sucker for English
scenery, and what can I say? If you took a video
recorder out into the middle of England, its so
beautiful.

The thing about this movie is, if you like often
predictable romantic comedies, and those are the
types of movies that leave you warm and fuzzy
when you get up from your seat, then it's a
worthwhile movie. If you're a cynic who wants to
see "true love" and "true life" represented, sorry--
not happening. Overall, I enjoyed the movie
and felt it was entertaining.

Johnny Depp stand aside, Brad Pitt move away...
Dermont is here. Not only was the leading man in
this film amazing(along with a few other cast
members), but the story is one that leaves
you coming out of the theater in a happy mood
and wanting to go see it again. It combines the
perfect amount of humour, passion/love, and
"happiness." This movie is one that you
definitely should go and see!

Lately, Im just feeling so down
as in super. Miss ko na talaga asawa ko.
Maybe i'm not meant for this long
distance thing. May mga araw na
ayoko na talaga di ko na kaya.
Like this past few days i feel myself
in a total slump. I couldnt even
focus my energy on anything else.
I keep asking myself up to when
ba itong dusa na ito? I couldn't function
properly. I know nahihirapan din sya
pero di na lang nya sinasabi sa akin.
He always tells me na he's doing good.
I guess I should be happy na okay sya
pero bakit ako hindi?

I know at the back of my mind this
is for the greater good. Pero I miss the
hugs, the laughs, the fights and just
being near him. I miss my best friend.
Till I see him again I dont know if
I'll ever be the same again.

I used to hate it na may mga tao na laging sinasabi
na in the States ganito at ganyan at dito ganito
pa rin.Then nung bumalik ako dito ganito na rin
ako. Pero since concious nga ako sa ganyan.
I try na hindi gawin. Baka kasi mali na naman
ang dating sa iba eh. Ibang impression ang makuha
nila.


Speaking of impressions.. I know I wrote a letter
asking for help para kay Joshwa. Pinadalhan ko yung
Autism Society of the Philippines ng Letter.
You know what I received nothing but ridicule
behind my back. Aba eh imbes na tulungan ako eh
wala lang na chismiss pa ako. Tipong ano pa daw
ba nirereklamo ko kaya ko naman magbayad.
I have yet to talk to them but I will.. I really will..

Wala naiinis lang ako. Im just feeling so low lately
miss ko na kasi si Philbert eh. Its been too long since
I've seen him..

Orange Chicken (Panda Express)

I totally love this.. Once lang ako nakatikim
pero super sarap talaga nya..


Panda Express Orange Chicken

· 2 pounds boneless chicken pieces
· 1 egg
· 1 1/2 teaspoon salt
· White pepper
· Oil
· 1/2 cup plus 1 tbsp cornstarch
· 1/4 cup flour
· 1 tablespoon minced ginger root
· 1 teaspoon minced garlic
· 1 dash crushed hot red chilies
· 1/4 cup chopped green onions
· 1 tablespoon rice wine
· 1/4 cup water
· 1 teaspoon sesame oil

Orange Sauce for Stir Fry

2 teaspoons minced zest
1/4 cup juice from 1 large orange
1/2 teaspoon granulated sugar
2 tablespoons chicken stock
1 tablespoon light soy sauce

Cut chicken pieces in 2-inch squares and place in
large bowl. Stir in egg, salt, pepper, and
1 tablespoon oil and mix well.

Stir cornstarch and flour together.
Add chicken pieces, stirring to coat.
Heat oil for deep-frying in wok or
deep-fryer to 375 degrees F.

Add chicken pieces, a small batch at time,
and fry 3 to 4 minutes or until golden and crisp.
(Do not overcook or chicken will be tough.)
Remove chicken from oil with slotted spoon
and drain on paper towels. Set aside.

Clean wok and heat 15 seconds over high heat.
Add 1 tablespoon oil. Add ginger and garlic and
stir-fry until fragrant. Add and stir-fry crushed
chiles and green onions.

Add rice wine and stir 3 seconds.
Add Orange Sauce and bring to boil.
Add cooked chicken, stirring until well mixed.
Stir water into remaining 1 tablespoon cornstarch
until smooth. Add to chicken and heat until sauce is thick.
Stir in 1 teaspoon sesame oil.

No Cellphone.. Not Good

Initially akala ko I could live without a cellphone.
Inisip ko kasi Im getting too attached to it tipong
di na ako mabuhay ng wala sya. Kaya nung nagka
problem cell phone ko dumating sa point
na kailangan ko sya palitan nagkataon wala pa sya
sa budget ko.. I simply welcomed the idea na di
muna mag cell phone.

It was okay for the first few months.
Then I started having problems. I couldnt go out
with my friends without finding out where we would
meet. Di sila makalipat ng lugar nang wala ako.
Which is sometimes nakakahiya kasi minsan gutom
na sila kailangan pa nila talaga ako hintayin
before magdecide kung saan talaga kakain.

Some friends are telling me na they texted me
asking for directions and they thought na snub
ako kasi di ako sumasagot.

This is the final blow na. My bestfriend got married
and I wasnt there. She was texting me asking for
my address and I didnt respond akala nya nagalit
ako kasi ayoko dun sa pinakasalan nya.


Im going to get a cellphone soon. So I could be
connected again and prevent these kinds of hassles.

I also thought that cell phone is just luho pero
I realized need na pala ito.

I really love this song.. Luma na sya
pero it still has the same effect on me.
Miss ko na talaga si Philbert.


Angel of Mine
by Monica

When I first saw you, I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of mine
I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say, the best things are free
I'm gonna love you boy, you are so fine
Angel of mine
How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow

[chorus]

You came into my life, sent straight from above
When I lost all hope, you showed me love
I'm checkin' for you boy, you're right on time
Angel of mine
Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world could ever compare
Last night, the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine
What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside, I need to show

[chorus]
You came into my life sent straight
from above (sent from above)
When I lost all hope, you showed me love
(boy you showed me love)
I'm checkin' for you, boy you're
right on time (right on time)
Angel of mine (angel of mine)
I never knew I could feel each moment
As if they were new
Every breath that I take, the love that we make
I only share it with you, you, you, you, you
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine

[chorus]
You came into my life sent straight
from above (came in to my life, yeah)
When I lost all hope you showed me love
(boy you showed me love, uh huh)
I'm checkin' for you, boy you're right
on time (but boy your right on time)
Angel of mine (angel of mine, oh mine)
How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now you helped me grow
I look at you, looking at me
Now I know why they say, the best things are free
I'm checkin' for you, boy you're right on time
Angel of mine

Just a short note..Just wanted to let everyone
know that may work na si Philbert.
God is indeed good. I hope that this works
out na.Sana rin ma petition na sya.
Please continue to pray for us..

Some news

Ibabalik na namin si Andie sa family ng Mama nya.
I know nakakagulat kasi mahal namin sya and we
want her to be with us. So what's the problem?

Problema kasi is yung nanay nya although she
signed the waiver na. She has to be here naman
to testify in court that she gave Andie to us
out of her own free will. She's not willing to appear
in court . Aside from the fact that she's
out of the country ayaw daw nya mag appear in court.

If we declare her as abandoned naman we have to
wait 5 years para madeclare that the mom did
abandon her. Pero if magpakita nanay nya within
the 5 year waiting period.All that waiting will
amount to nothing.

I cant wait that long not at Joshwa's expense.
We need to migrate so that Joshwa will have
the best intervention that he cannot have
here. So maski masakit man sa loob ko kasi
napamahal na talaga sya sa akin. I have to
do it habang maaga pa. I dont want to wait
til its super painful for me to let her go.

Saka when she talked to my dad sabi nya
iiwan lang daw nya sa akin kukunin din daw.
Iyun pa isang kinakainis ko kasi ang gulo nya
iba iba sinasabi. So ang lagay nun gagawin
nya akong day care center. I hope that
Andie will grow up to be a smart woman.
I hope that she will be raised in the way
that I want to but I couldn't. Be loved like
the way I will always love her and hold
her in my heart.