Forgiveness?????

What constitute forgiveness? Is it enough for you to say I forgive you and

then what else. How do you then let go of the past and not carry it anymore.

I would want to know. Kung alam nyo paano gagawin yun o nagawa nyo na

then tell me how you did it.

I am so sick of people telling me to let go of what happened

and to forgive them. Even if alam nila kung gaano ka grabe ginawa.

Eto ang linya nila : "Forgive be a better person even if di nagsisi or di humingi

nang forgiveness. Mabigat dalhin yan " Of course I would give a cryptic reply

madali lang say o sabihin wala silang ginawa sa yo. The Next question

would be what happened? Ikaw naman tanga ka rin gusto mo manghingi

Ng opinion kuento ka rin. Tapos in the end they would still say the same thing

Forgiveness and Forget it. Hay sana masabi nilang gagawin nila yung

kung nangyari sa kanila kung ano man nangyari.

How I wish na di ko na dadalhin na kakalimutan ko na. Kasi I'm really

trying my best wag na isipin yung mga nangyari. Not for them but for me

pero when I see the damage that they have done eto na naman this anger

stirs inside me. Okay na ako pero nung nakita ko na naman sila.I felt it

again and when I confided to a tita about what I feel she dismissed what

I was feeling and immediately told me to forget the anger and forgive.

It's like I'm not entitled to my own feelings and my own anger.

Di rin kasi nakakatulong na maraming nakikialam.

What is even more irritating is that people seem to think that

since they are perfect and that because of that I should bow

down prostrate myself at their feet.

At dahil ganun sila ako na dapat ang magbigay , magpatawad

and be a bigger person. Some have gone as far to compare us

to them. Oh Lord nasusuka ako pag people start doing that.

Kasi di naman porke generous ka, mayaman ka, mabait ka or sociable

ibig sabihin mabait ka eh. You can hide your motives behind

generosity. Everything can be hidden beneath a façade.

What else is there to do confront them? Useless kasi they have

this weird habit of twisting your words and making you feel like

you're like a liar.

Sa mga nangyari kami na ang na-agrabyado kami pa

ang masama. Hate is a strong Word I know. But I don't want to

hate them but what I'm feeling is even worse Its indifference.

Sa dami nang damage na ginawa nila parang manhid

na ako. I'm starting to feel like I don't care and I mean

I really don't care anymore.

I'm being vague I know. I'm just so upset right now.

Cheap Thrills

I know that everyone has that right? I never ever think that someone or something is beneath me. I'm willing to try anything once except extreme sports and anything that involves heights.Here are some revelations about me:

I used to be a BIG Ariel Rivera fan. I mean really big that I would drag my friend Ginger to go see his movie with me. Parang napanood ko ata movie with matching iyak pa sa Ikaw kasi namatay sya dun. Nainis ako kay Regine kasi naghiwalay sila ni Gelli because she fooled around with Ariel. In hindsight na realize ko teka it always takes two to tango. I'm still a fan hey old habits die hard pero I just watch his telenovela's na lang.

I also do admit that I watch telenovela's sometimes sa channel 2 sometimes sa channel 7.

I watch tagalog movies. Some I criticize because of impossible story lines but I watch it anyway. Lately I'm trying to stop finding faults with the movie and just want to enjoy the movie.I now go inside in a movie house just wanting to be entertained.

I like going to comedy clubs. I know baduy pero Masaya sya talaga. Basta di ako ang lalaitin okay lang. haha!!!

The last time we went there was last Tuesday and The main performer for that night was Aegis. Nung una parang okay lang baduy pero okay na rin. Ang galing nila grabe ay sobra talaga. Parang walang ka effort effort kumanta. Ay ang galing talaga I can't say it enough ang galing ng Aegis. This is in no way a paid advertising I was really blown away kasi I never expected them to be that good. Kaya nung narinig ko sila hinanap ko

Ang songs nila na meron sa magic sing ang resulta masakit pa rin lalamunan ko up to now.

 

 

It's Over

My stint at the call center is over.
I resigned for reasons that I don't
want to elaborate on.

Time to move on to find another
job.Here we go and wish me luck.

The Heat Is On

Tonight is my last night of extension.I really hope
makuha ko na ang score na kailangan ko. Tensed ako
kasi mapupunta lang pala sa wala pinaghirapan ko
if ever. Fight to the end na lang.If they say I didn't
make it then I'll be okay because I did my best.
I didn't quit saka madami namang work dyan na
puede applyan. Will blog about it either way.

Tapos Na Ang Training

Tapos na ang training namin di ko nakuha yung goal ko for this week
they gave me until Wednesday to reach that goal if not then its goodbye
na. Masaya ako kung makuha ko pero okay na rin kung hindi I'm really
starting to think if this is the right career for me.

Dami na rin akong callers na medyo sira ang tuktok pero
di ako affected sa kanila. If I can't find whatever it is
that they want me to find then what can I do.

Kakainis rin na marami kailangan i-sacrifice like
di naman ako makapunta sa scrapfest kasi galing
ako sa shift tapos wala akong tulog baka naman
mag collapse ako dun. Pero ganun talaga pag
magulang ka na everything as to take the a back
seat

OJT Day 2

Hayyy Grabe!!! Day 2 na just when I thought na
okay na and I'm getting the hang of it.Ms Splenda
hands me a sheet of paper detailing some of the
mistakes and areas of improvement. Aminado ako
kasi kasalanan ko talaga sya. Kaya lang naiinis lang ako
kasi why couldn't they catch me at a good time.
I need to make 10 perfect calls na sunod sunod when
they do monitor me to be able to graduate from OJT week .
If not ma extend ako ng 1 week then pag di pa rin.
Maghahanap na naman ako ng work. Hayy sana makalusot
if not okay lang din kasi it just means its not meant for me.

OJT

OJT week na namin medyo tensed na kaming lahat.
Kakapagod 7 hours of talking pag uwi ko super
pagod na ako. May ibang callers na mabait,
may naiirita at higit sa lahat may bastos din.

Kaya please to all my friends in the US
na gumagamit ng 411 please be kind to the
operator. Baka ako yung nakakasagot sa
inyo. (hahahaha!!!)

Work Stories

Finally nag work na rin ako.. Nung una parang di ako
sure na mag work ako uli kaya lang tinatamad naman
ako kung sa bahay lang. I needed to do something
productive so I applied in a call center and got accepted.
Training was really great people are great most of our trainers
are nice.Except for one let's just call Ms.Splenda (artificial sweetener).
Nakakainis kasi talagang nanghihiya sya ng mga
trainees.I know malalaki na kami at di na dapat
isipin ang feelings namin pero grabe namamahiya sya.
It's like she derives her satisfaction from being so mean.
Yung isang trainer namin na guy lets just call him
Mr. Bear mabait pero minsan nawawalan sya ng
patience pero di sya namamahiya kung napapagsabihan
ka man nya you will understand kung bakit. Unlike
her talagang dahil ka nya feel sorry ka na lang. Pero
ito pa nakakainis she has her favorites. Pag may violations
ka na written dapat bigyan ka pero sa iba lalo na
pag gusto ka nya di ka nya bibigyan.Pag di ka gusto
makaka derive pa sya ng satisfaction sa pagbibigay ng
violations. She's like a freaking MMDA everyday may
biktima ng violations. Maski di mo sinasadya sorry
ka di kita feel therefore may violation ka.
Saka during one of major activities where as you will
make a call and a trainer is listening. Sinisigawan nya
yung trainee nya. A co-trainee even said he didn't
have an Irate caller but what he had was an Irate
trainer.

Kahapon dalawa naging biktima nya.
Two of my friends were kicked out
of the program because of her.
Binagsak na nya nilait lait pa nya
I don't really mind kung constructive eh
kaso di naman. Eto pa this week sya pa
rin ang trainer ko. Help me!!!

Adrianne at 5 Months

Update

This is just a short update to let you guys that we're okay.. Kids are adjusting well..Oo nga pala may work na ako. Saka na ang updates uli kasi wala pa kaming internet..Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and in your prayers.

In Manila at last

Andito na kami. Pagkatapos nang pagkahaba habang byahe
dumating na rin kami.Parang bigla kong naiisip na ay ikukuento
ko sa kaibigan ko ito pag uwi ko. Tapos bigla kong maiisip
permanente na nga pala itong pag uwi namin.

This is the start of something new...

Saying Goodbye

Kaninang umaga hinatid ko si Joshwa sa school bus nya.
Parang nalungkot ako bigla kasi mabait talaga sa akin
yung bus driver and yung bus monitor nya. Tapos
talagang love na love nila si Adrianne. When I said my
goodbye parang naiiyak ako. Ganun pala na feel
pag aalis ka na sa isang lugar nang biglaan. Tipong
we were so busy packing, getting ready,
making the arrangements tapos when you finally
sit down it really does hit you aalis na talaga.
Totoo pala talaga na you'll really leave a piece of
your heart behind. We have great memories here..
Became closer with my sister and sister in law.
Joshwa improved so much and of course we
received the best remembrance ever si Adrianne.

Siguro my next post would be from Manila na..

Malapit Na..

Nakaempake na lahat.. Yung last batch ng mga ipapa ship na gamit
kukunin na bukas.Yung mga gamit na iiwanan naibilin na sa mga taong
karapat dapat pagbilinan.. Excited akong umuwi and yet medyo
nalungkot ako kasi nagkaron na kami ng mga kaibigan. Pero sa lahat lahat
ng mga ma miss ko apat na tao ang mamiss ko talaga nang sobra sobra.

Si Grishan sya ang kapatid na sumunod sa akin close kami dati
pero naging mas close talaga kami kasi kami talaga nagdadamayan.
Susunduin nya kami para makapag weekend kami sa kanila.
Natulog sya dito tapos sya ang gumising nang madaling araw
nung umiiyak si Adrianne para lang makatulog ako. Pag may
mali akong ginagawa sya unang nagsasabi sa akin.Kaya nga nung
may nagsabi sa akin na may sinabi daw sya tungkol sa akin
di ako naniniwala.I could go on and on.. Pero i know magkikita pa
rin naman kami. Saka may Vonage naman sa Pilipinas kaya okay lang.
Pero alam ko bukas pag hinatid nya ako talagang maiiyak ako.

Si Brox ay pamangkin ko love na love ko talaga sya kasi sya ang
one and only pamangkin ko. Mabait na bata sya, matalino and
very sweet. Hayyy I will miss him saka talagang love na love sya
ni Joshwa.

Hazel-- Na meet ko sya kasi through another friend and we hit
it off right away. Ninang sya ni Adrianne.. I will miss the fact
that she's just a phone call away.

Ate Beth--- She's not just my sister in law.. She's my sister
na talaga. I love her so much.. She's the Ate that I've always
wanted. Mas close ako sa kanya kasya kay Philbert.
I will also miss our weekend visits.

I'm looking forward to starting a new chapter of our lives in
the Philippines. Things are just going to get better and
I know it..

A Disaster

Which is which?

 

I don't really know what's worse. Yung taong manggagamit who will

do anything and everything to get what they want. Doesn't really

care about whose expense.

 

Or someone na pumapayag mag pagamit (not physically ha) na alam

nyang masama na ang nangyayari pero stands by the sidelines while

the manggagamit wreaks havoc on everyone and leaves a trail of disaster on its wake.

Either because its a decision not do anything or just because that person

has no backbone.

 

Either way it's a disaster.. I don't know what I'll choose if I have to pick which

side I want to be in.

Now It Can Be Told..

We are going home!!!! Philbert will be transferred to their
Makati office.I'm looking forward to it.. Initially to be
honest I wasn't really keen on him taking it. Kasi I really
thought that we would be growing old here and the kids
will grow up here. This was really not an easy decision
to uproot the kids again. We really thought about this
asked for counsell and prayed and prayed about it.

But something happened that changed
my mind and sealed the deal for us na sort of answered
prayer na rin. Joshwa wandered off again and I almost went
crazy looking for him. Dami pa namang child molesters na nagkalat
talagang maloloka na ako kakahanap.
Luckily someone found him but I told myself that's it.
can't go through this again.What if next time mawala na uli
si Joshwa tapos di ko na sya makita.
Then I told myself thy will be done Lord.
If you think mapapabuti
kami sa Manila then so be it.

At least sa Manila I could afford to hire someone
to help me look after Joshwa.
Then everything fell into place my mom was
able to find a home for us in such a short notice.
2 friends are going to help me find a job
if I should decide that I'm ready to work.

I'm looking forward to seeing my scrapbook friends,
visiting the newest malls and new places.

Wish us luck as we go through a new adventure
in Manila.

Still Packing

Di pa rin tapos pag iimpake ng gamit..Si Philbert na lang
pinapagawa ko kasi mas magaling sya pag iimpake at
pag aayos ng mga gamit. Hopefully sa pupuntahan
namin medyo magtatagal na kami dun. Within this week
namin malalaman kung kailan ba talaga ang alis namin
di pa ako nagsabi sa school. Kasi baka magsabi ako
tapos di pa pala kami aalis agad mawawalan pa nang
school placement ni Joshwa.

I will let you guys know soon kung saan kami pupunta.
This week i-blog ko na rin yun. Wait ko lang yung actual
ticket para sure na sure na talaga.

Packing

We're currently trying to pack frantically
because Philbert has a new assignment.
If the plans push through we have to leave in 2 or 3 weeks
at the most. Will discuss the details if and when we get there.

I never realized packing could be so stressful.
Grabe!! tempers are flaring up well mostly his temper.
Talagang naniniwala na talaga ako sa power of the spoken
word. I was just chatting with a friend last December
she was telling me that she hates the packing and unpacking
and moving around. I told her I want that kind of adventure.
Tapos eto na nangyari na... Hayyyyy!!!! ayoko na pala..
We have to uproot Joshwa na naman. Pero this is for the
family eh.This is the career break that Philbert needs.

Please pray for us na lang that everything
falls into place.

DENSE???

I have a friend who for many years wanted to tell me that
she wasn't into men she was scared that I was a homophobic.
We were really close and people were always asking me
if she was straight of course she was I would tell them that she was.
I remember even in college some classmates were telling me
that she wasn't straight but I defended her and last October
she came out and told me that what people were saying about
her was true all along.

I did tell her that she made me feel so stupid because
I was the last to know. I tell her almost everything and
anything about meand yet something as major as this she wouldn't
tell me because she doesn't think I would understand
She said that she always wanted to tell me.

Why didn't I learn from the past? this has happened before
to another person in my life. She was always hanging
out with this girl. The girl was always at her house and
people were asking me if they were together and
I would tell themthat it's really not nice to put malice
onthe actions of other people.

I simply refusedto believe that she wasn't straight.
I never asked her because if it were true I was
hoping that she would tell me.

Until we attended a support group meeting and that
was where she casually told the other people
there that she had a girlfriend. I almost fell out
of my chair and if i was drinking something
i almost surely spit it out.

Am I homophobic? I don't think so.I have friends and
relatives who are gay and lesbians.I accept them for who
they are but I admire them for being true to themselves.

I know i'm rambling here.. maybe next time I hear
something about a friend maybe I could just ask
them straight up if it's true or not so that
I wouldn't be the last to know

ADRIANNE-1-28-08*

ADRIANNE-1-28-08

sorry tabingi kasalanan ni Mommy