Today is our 9th Bf-Gf anniversary. Ako para sa akin di ko talaga sya
nakakalimutan kasi this is all about the two of us. Si Philbert
naman mas naalala nya yung wedding anniversary. I was happy
and perky was in a really great mood until I heard something that
burst my bubble so to speak.

My MIL has been talking to my HELP again tawagin na lang
natin syang si Pokwang at chini-chissmiss ako. Kesyo kaya daw
naging special child si Joshwa kasi di naman daw ako ang gusto
ng anak nya. My Gosh parang sineduce ko ang anak nya.
Nag init ulo ko kasi dahil di nya matanggap na may Autism
si Joshwa.Ako ang sinisisi nya kasi parang inakit ko ang anak nya
ano ba!!!!! I can now start to feel the hypertension medicine
kicking in na. Gusto sya kausapin but because I promised
myself that whatever she does and says I will not confront her
anymore papalamapasin ko na lang.

Breathe in and Breathe Out!!!!

The Mean Neighbor

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi feeling ko ang sungit ko talaga.
Medyo irritable ako lately not just with Philbert
pero sa lahat as in parang ang dali maubos ng patience ko.
Di ko alam kung dahil sa medication ko kasi medyo elevated
ang blood pressure ko so I had to take something para
bumababa sya.

Kanina habang naglalakad kami pauwi na ako may mga bata
nagtatakbuhan natamaan ako tapos nagbato pa ng bola
na made from Paper Mache' so medyo matigas
grabe!!! I snapped nasigawan ko yung bata as in wala ka bang
sasabihin. Tinignan ako sabi ko ni hindi ka man lang ba
mag sasabi ng sorry di ka ba tinuruan ng Mommy mo
mag sorry. Pag kita ko andun ang nanay nya sa may kabilang
corner nanlilisik na yung mata at umuusok na ang ilong sa akin.
Sinabihan ko na rin yung nanay sabi ko turuan nyo ang anak
nyo nakasakit sya di man lang marunong sorry with that
pumasok na ako. I would really understand kung with
special needs yung mga bata at nakasakit sila. Pero
malalaki na itong mga ito mga around 8 years old.

I felt so guilty pero something in me snapped as in
lumabas na lang sya bigla. Pagpasok ko
sumakit talaga batok ko. The kids will now know me
as the mean neighbor who lives in Unit ______.

FATHER’s DAY

1. How long were you together before you got hitched? Exactly 1 year. We met May 1999 got together June 1999 and got married July 2000

2. What made you fall in love with hubby from the start?
I wasn't nung start but eventually he won me over.
He's mabait, walang kabisyo bisyo, and has a very great sense of humor.

3. What's the best gift you ever received from him?
Baduy man at cheesy pero yung pagmamahal nya.
He's a very complicated person pero I know that he loves me.

4. What is hubby's best traits? Worst traits?
Best traits: Yun nga walang bisyo di umiinom, di naninigarilyo, di mabarkada.Pagkagaling sa office umuuwi agad. Di lumalabas pag weekends.
Worst traits: Sumpong nya.. grabe pag sinumpong sya I call it his
monthly period. Pag tinopak sya as in tinotopak talaga sya. Hirap
hulihin ang ugali kasi minsan akala mo nag joke yun pala seryoso na sya.

5. What traits/mannerism/character did your child/children inherent
from hubby?
With Joshwa pareho sila ng ugali eh. As in yung weird traits like di
kumakain ng ininit na pagkain. Pag pinagsasabihan mo mahilig
mag walk out.

6. Let's say you and your child/children are talking about daddy, what
do you want to tell your kids about their dad that they don't know?
Daddy is very talented he learned to play the guitar on his own.

7. What is one thing Daddy cannot live without (materially)?
His computer

8. If hubby can read this, what's your message for him?
Honey,
happy fathers day!!! you are a good husband and
you are the best dad. The kids are lucky to have you
I love you.

9. What "pet name" did your father call you when you were little?
Feel free to elaborate on the name's history (If you didn't have one,
what do you wish you were called by him back then)
Leirs.. di ko alam kung bakit basta yun talaga tawag nya sa akin
ever since.

10. What qualities does your husband have in common with your father?
(good & bad)
-Opposites sila talaga.. Philbert is very quiet. Papa ko naman makuento.

11. What was your first impression of your father-in-law the first time
you met him or were introduced to him?
-Very nice. Made me feel at ease.

12.What 3 words can describe your hubby as a father?
-Great, patient and very sweet.

13. What do you plan to give or do for hubby for Father's Day?
Wala kasi we're really not big on the gift giving.

Tests Again..

Went to the office to submit my requirements.. The HR contact
person said that I need to go to the clinic for another
consultation..

Since I'm in the area I decided to go today which
is actually not a good time becauseYaya is on a day off.
Good thing that our helper was able to watch the kids.
I thought I was done with the tests but the cardio doctor
said he needed more tests. So I have
to go back to the office again on Monday get a referral form
so that I can go back to the clinic and finish the tests already.

But this is actually an opportunity to find out
If I'm really healthy and fit to work and if not then I
can find out what's really wrong and get better.

Kainis

I'm so happy! Was able to meet the teacher and she
wanted to see him before he starts. It was a school that
I already dismissed but I decided to take a second look.
It wasn't what I wanted but the teacher was the sort
of teacher that I wanted for Joshwa. So I took a chance
and decided to ask if she still had a slot for Joshwa there's
still a 10am to 12nn slot.

I was already rushing Joshwa had a 1 PM appointment
with the school. Joshwa was having a tantrum because
he wanted to use the computer and didn't want to eat.
For him to focus I turned off the Television and when
he couldn't watch the TV went straight for the laptop.
But I was way ahead of him when he saw the laptop
I have already turned it off and so he wanted to
use Philbert's computer. Philbert was seated on the bench.
Joshwa pulled his shirt from the back causing him to
fall backwards. So there he was sprawled on the floor and
he was blaming me. Kasi daw dapat pinayagan na lang
mag computer and mag watch ng TV. Para daw di na
mag iiyak.

Nag init talaga ang ulo ko kasi dapat pagdating kay
Joshwa united kami pagdating sa discipline.
Tapos naawa sya pag umiiyak pag nag tantrums naman
si Joshwa tapos sya inaaway. Ako naman sinisisi bakit
ganun daw si Joshwa.Saka we shouldn't be blaming
and having an argument on how to deal with Joshwa
infront of Joshwa. Matalino si Joshwa and I'm sure that
in some way he can understand na kung ano nangyayari.

Scared

I have to do another test tomorrow. Just to be sure
I'm fit to work. I'm nervous because last time I
had my urinalysis they say that my creatinine
is so high It affected my kidney function
that I had to be confined for 5 days.
They told me to go see a doctor after
I give birth. It's been 7 months and I just found
the time to do it now. I'm scared of what I might find out.

Please include me in your prayers

What a Day!!

Nalungkot ako nung kausapin ko yung teacher
sinabihan ako na I don't think he's ready just yet.
I just feel really sad that Joshwa's Kumon teacher
said to just focus on the home program first.
Nalungkot talaga ako but I understood.
There's really a time and place for everything
for me this might be the right time pero baka di
pa panahon para kay Joshwa.

A Surprise

Philbert is really not big on surprises. He is not showy
and doesn't shower me with gifts. Even if I want to
or wished it.He's really not like that so imagine
my surprise when he installed an internet phone
on the laptop.So I can call my sister and sister in law.

Oh by the way might be going back to work
really soon.Won't disclose the company for now.
But will do so eventually..

ABA

Today was Joshwa's assessment for Applied Behavioral Analysis.

Supposed to be papasok na sya ng school but what can I say di

pa sya tinanggap kasi he's not as manageable. So we just need

to focus more on the behavior. The case manager also gave us

great points on what we need to do and what we need to

address. Maraming kami natutunan on what to do and what

not to do pagdating kay Joshwa.

 

Kaya lang nung magbabayad na I asked kung how much ang babayaran

ko. Akala ko 450 lang tapos yun pala may charge ang case manager

na 575. Nagulat ako pero what can I do. Saka had to give an advance

para dun sa mga gamit na gagamitin sa ABA. Para na rin akong

nagpa enroll.

Our First Born

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? No

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? At that time that we found di pa kami kasal. But when I gave birth we were already married.

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? I was nervous and scared at the same time

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? I was 23

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I was late I took the test and that was it

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Philbert

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes

9. DUE DATE? Jan 20

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? No

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? I was weird I would buy Mango and Santol

but I wouldn't eat them. I'd smell them and smell them then after a few hours ayoko na sya kainin.

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? Philbert

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Male

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?

Oh yes. I had a name in mind na nga eh . If naging girl sya her name would have been Sofia Alessandra.

Nung nalaman namin na boy saka pa lang ako nag isip ng name.

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT YOUR PREGNANCY?

Around 30 Lbs

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Sort of

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew about it. It was my

birthday celebration But instead of people giving gifts to me. They gave gifts for the baby

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?

I had an easy pregnancy. No problems or complications during the pregnancy.

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 18 hours .

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? My sister

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Just the doctors and nurses;

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? C- Section

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?

Yes. I needed a lot of Pain Meds.Kasi talagang Mababa ang

threshold ko pagdating sa pain

25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 6lbs 6 oz

26. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? January 16

27. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Joshwa (God is Gracious) Dominik (after St. Dominic Savio)

Job Hunting Again??

Yes I'm job hunting again.. bahala na kung matanggap.
Hirap to be job hunting again pero ganun talaga di ba?
Pag nagka work ako will be posting about my
work woes once again

Forgiveness?????

What constitute forgiveness? Is it enough for you to say I forgive you and

then what else. How do you then let go of the past and not carry it anymore.

I would want to know. Kung alam nyo paano gagawin yun o nagawa nyo na

then tell me how you did it.

I am so sick of people telling me to let go of what happened

and to forgive them. Even if alam nila kung gaano ka grabe ginawa.

Eto ang linya nila : "Forgive be a better person even if di nagsisi or di humingi

nang forgiveness. Mabigat dalhin yan " Of course I would give a cryptic reply

madali lang say o sabihin wala silang ginawa sa yo. The Next question

would be what happened? Ikaw naman tanga ka rin gusto mo manghingi

Ng opinion kuento ka rin. Tapos in the end they would still say the same thing

Forgiveness and Forget it. Hay sana masabi nilang gagawin nila yung

kung nangyari sa kanila kung ano man nangyari.

How I wish na di ko na dadalhin na kakalimutan ko na. Kasi I'm really

trying my best wag na isipin yung mga nangyari. Not for them but for me

pero when I see the damage that they have done eto na naman this anger

stirs inside me. Okay na ako pero nung nakita ko na naman sila.I felt it

again and when I confided to a tita about what I feel she dismissed what

I was feeling and immediately told me to forget the anger and forgive.

It's like I'm not entitled to my own feelings and my own anger.

Di rin kasi nakakatulong na maraming nakikialam.

What is even more irritating is that people seem to think that

since they are perfect and that because of that I should bow

down prostrate myself at their feet.

At dahil ganun sila ako na dapat ang magbigay , magpatawad

and be a bigger person. Some have gone as far to compare us

to them. Oh Lord nasusuka ako pag people start doing that.

Kasi di naman porke generous ka, mayaman ka, mabait ka or sociable

ibig sabihin mabait ka eh. You can hide your motives behind

generosity. Everything can be hidden beneath a façade.

What else is there to do confront them? Useless kasi they have

this weird habit of twisting your words and making you feel like

you're like a liar.

Sa mga nangyari kami na ang na-agrabyado kami pa

ang masama. Hate is a strong Word I know. But I don't want to

hate them but what I'm feeling is even worse Its indifference.

Sa dami nang damage na ginawa nila parang manhid

na ako. I'm starting to feel like I don't care and I mean

I really don't care anymore.

I'm being vague I know. I'm just so upset right now.

Cheap Thrills

I know that everyone has that right? I never ever think that someone or something is beneath me. I'm willing to try anything once except extreme sports and anything that involves heights.Here are some revelations about me:

I used to be a BIG Ariel Rivera fan. I mean really big that I would drag my friend Ginger to go see his movie with me. Parang napanood ko ata movie with matching iyak pa sa Ikaw kasi namatay sya dun. Nainis ako kay Regine kasi naghiwalay sila ni Gelli because she fooled around with Ariel. In hindsight na realize ko teka it always takes two to tango. I'm still a fan hey old habits die hard pero I just watch his telenovela's na lang.

I also do admit that I watch telenovela's sometimes sa channel 2 sometimes sa channel 7.

I watch tagalog movies. Some I criticize because of impossible story lines but I watch it anyway. Lately I'm trying to stop finding faults with the movie and just want to enjoy the movie.I now go inside in a movie house just wanting to be entertained.

I like going to comedy clubs. I know baduy pero Masaya sya talaga. Basta di ako ang lalaitin okay lang. haha!!!

The last time we went there was last Tuesday and The main performer for that night was Aegis. Nung una parang okay lang baduy pero okay na rin. Ang galing nila grabe ay sobra talaga. Parang walang ka effort effort kumanta. Ay ang galing talaga I can't say it enough ang galing ng Aegis. This is in no way a paid advertising I was really blown away kasi I never expected them to be that good. Kaya nung narinig ko sila hinanap ko

Ang songs nila na meron sa magic sing ang resulta masakit pa rin lalamunan ko up to now.

 

 

It's Over

My stint at the call center is over.
I resigned for reasons that I don't
want to elaborate on.

Time to move on to find another
job.Here we go and wish me luck.

The Heat Is On

Tonight is my last night of extension.I really hope
makuha ko na ang score na kailangan ko. Tensed ako
kasi mapupunta lang pala sa wala pinaghirapan ko
if ever. Fight to the end na lang.If they say I didn't
make it then I'll be okay because I did my best.
I didn't quit saka madami namang work dyan na
puede applyan. Will blog about it either way.

Tapos Na Ang Training

Tapos na ang training namin di ko nakuha yung goal ko for this week
they gave me until Wednesday to reach that goal if not then its goodbye
na. Masaya ako kung makuha ko pero okay na rin kung hindi I'm really
starting to think if this is the right career for me.

Dami na rin akong callers na medyo sira ang tuktok pero
di ako affected sa kanila. If I can't find whatever it is
that they want me to find then what can I do.

Kakainis rin na marami kailangan i-sacrifice like
di naman ako makapunta sa scrapfest kasi galing
ako sa shift tapos wala akong tulog baka naman
mag collapse ako dun. Pero ganun talaga pag
magulang ka na everything as to take the a back
seat

OJT Day 2

Hayyy Grabe!!! Day 2 na just when I thought na
okay na and I'm getting the hang of it.Ms Splenda
hands me a sheet of paper detailing some of the
mistakes and areas of improvement. Aminado ako
kasi kasalanan ko talaga sya. Kaya lang naiinis lang ako
kasi why couldn't they catch me at a good time.
I need to make 10 perfect calls na sunod sunod when
they do monitor me to be able to graduate from OJT week .
If not ma extend ako ng 1 week then pag di pa rin.
Maghahanap na naman ako ng work. Hayy sana makalusot
if not okay lang din kasi it just means its not meant for me.

OJT

OJT week na namin medyo tensed na kaming lahat.
Kakapagod 7 hours of talking pag uwi ko super
pagod na ako. May ibang callers na mabait,
may naiirita at higit sa lahat may bastos din.

Kaya please to all my friends in the US
na gumagamit ng 411 please be kind to the
operator. Baka ako yung nakakasagot sa
inyo. (hahahaha!!!)

Work Stories

Finally nag work na rin ako.. Nung una parang di ako
sure na mag work ako uli kaya lang tinatamad naman
ako kung sa bahay lang. I needed to do something
productive so I applied in a call center and got accepted.
Training was really great people are great most of our trainers
are nice.Except for one let's just call Ms.Splenda (artificial sweetener).
Nakakainis kasi talagang nanghihiya sya ng mga
trainees.I know malalaki na kami at di na dapat
isipin ang feelings namin pero grabe namamahiya sya.
It's like she derives her satisfaction from being so mean.
Yung isang trainer namin na guy lets just call him
Mr. Bear mabait pero minsan nawawalan sya ng
patience pero di sya namamahiya kung napapagsabihan
ka man nya you will understand kung bakit. Unlike
her talagang dahil ka nya feel sorry ka na lang. Pero
ito pa nakakainis she has her favorites. Pag may violations
ka na written dapat bigyan ka pero sa iba lalo na
pag gusto ka nya di ka nya bibigyan.Pag di ka gusto
makaka derive pa sya ng satisfaction sa pagbibigay ng
violations. She's like a freaking MMDA everyday may
biktima ng violations. Maski di mo sinasadya sorry
ka di kita feel therefore may violation ka.
Saka during one of major activities where as you will
make a call and a trainer is listening. Sinisigawan nya
yung trainee nya. A co-trainee even said he didn't
have an Irate caller but what he had was an Irate
trainer.

Kahapon dalawa naging biktima nya.
Two of my friends were kicked out
of the program because of her.
Binagsak na nya nilait lait pa nya
I don't really mind kung constructive eh
kaso di naman. Eto pa this week sya pa
rin ang trainer ko. Help me!!!

Adrianne at 5 Months