Salamin (Pangalawang Bersyon)

Lagi kong tinitignan ang aking sarili sa salamin.
Sa tuwing mananalamin ako nakikita ko ang aking sarili pero
parang di ko gusto ang aking nakikita.
May mga araw na sinasabi kong ang taba ko na.
May mga araw na sinasabi ko na ang pangit ng aking kutis.
Bakit nga ba puro pangit na lang ang aking nakikita
Sa tuwing nakatingin ako sa salamin?

Isang gabi bago ako matulog tumingin ako sa salamin nagulat ako may
isang babaeng nakatingin at nakangiti sa akin.Bigla akong nagisip
kung sino nga ba yun?At yun ay walang iba kung di ako.

Kaya ngayon habang tintignan ko ang aking sarili sa salamin
bigla kong naisip na di ko dapat laiitin ang aking sarili.
Naisip kong karapat dapat din palang purihin at dapat mahalin.
At ako ay napangiti magisa habang nakatitig sa aking sarili dito sa
harap ng salamin.

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Ang Salamin ( Unang Bersyon)

Lagi kong tinitignan ang aking sarili sa salamin.
Sa tuwing mananalamin ako nakikita ko ang aking sarili pero
parang di ko gusto ang aking nakikita.
May mga araw na sinasabi kong ang taba ko na.
May mga araw na sinasabi ko na ang pangit ng aking kutis.
Pero ngayon habang tintignan ko ang aking sarili sa salamin
bigla kong naisip na di ko dapat laiitin ang aking sarili.
Naisip kong karapat dapat din palang purihin at dapat mahalin.
At ako ay napangiti magisa habang nakatitig sa aking sarili dito sa
harap ng salamin.
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Im currently coping with depression. Ive been journalling my thoughts, the pains and the struggles that Im going thru. I have a depressive disorder. But then what is depressive disorder? A depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely "pull themselves together" and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Before I got help, I had been depressed for as long as I can remember. I'm now 27 years old, but even when I was a child, I can remember never feeling right. I never felt that I was worth anything. I was always extremely quiet. I was able to make friends at school, but socially, I lacked the ability to interact with others as easily as my peers.I always remember feeling sad, worthless, and like it wouldn't have mattered if I was never born.I was feeling all sorts of different emotions at times I was so sad and I wanted to cry and die without knowing why. I wanted the feeling to go away. It did or so I thought…My depression came back shortly after I had my first child. I was extremely weepy and had incredible up-and-down mood swings. For approximately a year, I went on feeling this way, and every day I seemed to become more irritable and edgy.My biggest problem was admitting something was wrong. In my mind I felt like such a failure about not being able to handle my life situations. Having a baby had changed our lives and I had a very hard time accepting the baby was there and that he needed me. I felt he was better off with out me. I never felt I would harm my child, but I did harm myself.I had feelings of worthlessness, that kind of feeling that you always feel you’re not alive but just existing. I never felt that I had accomplished the things that I want to or feel I should have and yet I don't have the energy to do them. It’s feeling disconnected from people in my life, even friends and family who care about me. It's not wanting to get out of bed some mornings and losing hope that life will ever get better."I think the whole thing really affected my relationships with people, I was pretty much a jerk all of the time. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I just wanted them to leave me alone. The last straw was when my bestfriend walked out on me and never bothered to explain why she did it. That jolted me and made me think that maybe I did need help. I have lost everything but decided to take that road just the same. In order to find out who my friends are and to understand where my life is going. The journey is long,hard, rough and tough. I have yet to get to the part when I can tell my self that I'm okay.I have lots of questions but there are two questions that I have asked myself time and time again and still remains to be answered. Who am I? What is my purpose? I wish I can answer that question but I cant. I've long realized that there can be only one person who can help me with this journey to self discovery and that person is ME.

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